anybody go here? http://www.joecartoon.com/
Hee! Hee! Haw! Haw!

 

I heard about a Silverado driver who tried to swallow a Viagra pill without water. It got stuck in his throat. He went to the doctor complaining about a stiff neck.

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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, factory box liner. My add-ons: Older Windstar (driver's side) wiper blade - the one with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains; "f150online" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My second of the "new" F150s. Great trucks!

 

So this poor loser drives his Chebbie to the local bar. Tells the bartender to set him up with 5 double burbons. Bartender says, Bad day? Guy says, Yea, I found out my oldest boy is gay. Bartender says, Oh man, that is a bad day.

Following week, same guy goes to the same bar, tells the bartender to set him up with 5 double burbons. Bartender says, more bad news? Guy says, Yea, I found out my youngest son is gay. Bartender says, Wow, that is bad news.

Following week, same guy goes to the same bar, tells the bartender to set him up with another 5 double burbons. Bartender says, my god man, doesn't anyone in your family like women? Guy says yea, I found out today that my wife does.

 

Andthensometoo,

Ive been there. Have you blended a frog lately?

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Fast46Triton ®

1999 Ford F150 XLT Supercab, Shortbed, 4x2, 4 wheel disc brakes/4 wheel Anti-Lock Brakes, Cloth Seats, Amazon green, 16" All season tires, Soft Tonneau Cover, CD Player, 4.6 liter Triton V8, 3:55 ls, towing package, 4 speed auto, K&N Airfilter

 

I saw a couple references made to the Victoria's Secret catalog. My wife gets it mailed to her. I find that reading through it is a lot like reading through National Geographic. They are both full of pictures of places I'm never going to get to visit!!!

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97 F150 XLT S/C, Flare Side, Black over Silver, ORP, Towing Package, Gibson Exhaust, Smittybilt Frame Mount Blk Powdercoat Bars

 

The paradox of our time:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time.

We have more university degrees, but less common sense; more knowledge, but less judgement.

More experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and are insensitive to others too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've split the atom, but not confronted our prejudices.

We have higher incomes, but lower morals; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the times of greater world peace, but greater domestic warfare; more kinds of food, but worse nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.

A time when technology can bring this note to you and you can choose either to make a difference...or just move your mouse and forget it.



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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, factory box liner. My add-ons: Older Windstar (driver's side) wiper blade - the one with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains; "f150online" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My second of the "new" F150s. Great trucks!

 

Alright This One Might Be in Poor Taste
If you're Offended I'll edit it out.


Nope I couldn't do it, It was too bad



[This message has been edited by ccla (edited 11-18-1999).]

 

Thats about right, Shifter

 

ccla, not only have I heard that one but, it's happened to me twice. The second time I was hospitalized for three weeks.

Good call.

 

Since someone else started this....
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of
men in today's society....

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask
directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project
before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks -
especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had
a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and
gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer
than your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually
converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus:
Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially
useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the
personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available
Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

 

REVERSE LIFE-CYCLE---(A thought from Andy Rooney)

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that? A bonus?

I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first-get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch.

You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities.

You become a little baby and go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating. You finish off your days as an orgasm.


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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, factory box liner. My add-ons: Older Windstar (driver's side) wiper blade - the one with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains; "f150online" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My second of the "new" F150s. Great trucks!

 

Here's some Christmas carols for the psychiatrically challenged (meaning Shovie and Dog Rim owners):

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA:
I'll Be Home for Christmas. What's Christmas?

NARCISSISTIC:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing ABOUT ME

MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants
and...

PARANOID:
Santa Claus is coming to get me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why. Maybe I Won't.

DEPRESSION:
Silent Night, Holy Night, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
...........(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all
away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire...

SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Do you Hear What I Hear?



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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, factory box liner. My add-ons: Older Windstar (driver's side) wiper blade - the one with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains; "f150online" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My second of the "new" F150s. Great trucks!

 

Paranoid:
I see dead elves....

from "The sixth Sense" "I see dead people"

 

You know you are from Michigan when:

- You own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup

- You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit

- You have more miles on your snow blower than your Truck

- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your Truck

- You have 10 favorite recipes for venison

- You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday

- You know which leaves make good toilet paper

- Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas

- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow

- You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons (or in some cases, Leather jammies)

- The local paper covers national and international news on l/4 page,
but requires 6 pages for sports

- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer

- You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry
and your snowmobile boots

- Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout

- You know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and
Construction.

- The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus

- You drink "Vernors" and play "Euchre"

- You actually 'get' these jokes, and post them to a F150 message board!!
>>

 

Andthensometoo: You created this thread. Look what it has grown into!!! 104 posts. Print this whole three pages out and anyone can start a great career on Comedy Club. And you're still feeding it, Andthensometoo. Way to go!

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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, factory box liner. My add-ons: Older Windstar (driver's side) wiper blade - the one with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains; "f150online" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My second of the "new" F150s. Great trucks!