A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.

In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.

Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.

"Who was that?" the husband asks.

"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.

"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a bitch owes me 800 bucks

 

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him.

"What is it?" sighs the president.

"It’s this abortion bill. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks.

"Go ahead and pay it," says the president

 

A construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. Incensed, he drags the man out to the garage and puts his johnson in a vise.

He secures it and removes the vise handle, then picks up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screams, "Stop! Stop! You’re not going to…to…cut it off, are you?"

The husband shakes his head and hands him the hacksaw. "Nope—you are. I’m just going to set the garage on fire."

 

Andthemsometoo suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."

 

Now that is funny!
My husband knows what would happen. I would be the one in the garage with my torch, If I was feeling generous that day.
(thanks for the suggestion)

 

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.

PS: Sure is hot down here.

 

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectely by the recently married couples house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing? she asked.

"I am waiting for my husband to come home from work." the daughter-in-law replied.

"Why are you naked?" asked the Mother-in-law.

"this is my love dress" the Daughter-in-law replied.

"LOVE DRESS! YOU ARE NAKED!" said the Mother-in-law.

" But your son loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy. Now would you please leave he will be home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued.

On her way home the mother-in-law thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, and put on her best perfume and waited by the door for her husband to come home.

Finally he pulled up in his pickup truck and she got ready at the door. He opened the door and immedialy saw his wife naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress." she replied.

"Maybe you should iron it." he replied.

 

A man comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle with two large bags over his shoulders. The guard (a Shovie owner)stops him and asks, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," he answers to which the guard replies, "We'll just see about that..." The guard takes the bags, rips them apart, empties them out and finds nothing but sand. He detains the man overnight and has the sand
analyzed, but discovers that it really is nothing but pure sand.

Finally, the guard releases the man, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens -- the man approaches the border on his bicycle with two bags of sand. The guard asks him, "What have you got?" and again he replies, "Sand." Again the guard does a thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to him and he crosses the border.

This sequence is repeated every day for several months until finally the guard is sitting in a Cantina in Mexico and sees the man walk in.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you're smuggling something... It's been driving me crazy. It's all I think about! I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

The man sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."


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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

Two American Indians were running on the great plains of the West 150 years ago, one
was a chief and the other a brave.

Suddenly the chief drops on all fours and puts his ear to the ground. He says, "Ugh, Buffalo come."

The brave says, " You can hear them, chief?"

The chief replies, " No, ear all wet."


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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said "Hey, honey you are getting fat. Your butt is getting
huge." "I bet it is as big as the gas grill now."

The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill & then measured his wife's butt. "Yep, he said, "Just what I thought,just about the same size."

The wife got very incensed & decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside & didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.

That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said, "How about it honey?" How about a
little lovemaking?" The wife rolled over & turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

"What's the matter?" he asked. To which
she replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big *** grill for one little weenie, do you?"


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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long.

Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges
from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"



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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

Rules that guys wished girls knew........

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
> >> > > >
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FORD trucks, the shotgun formation, and superchips.
> >> > > >
8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
> >> > > >
9. Shopping is not sport.
> >> > > >
10. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
> >> > > >
11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.
> >> > > >
13. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
> >> > > >
14. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
> >> > > >
15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
> >> > > >
16. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank
range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
> >> > > >
17. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
> >> > > >
18. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
>> > > >
19. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
> >> > > >
20. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
> >> > >
21. Films starring Barbara Streisand are for Girls Night Out.
> >> > > >
22. Check your oil.
> >> > > >
23. Don't give us rules.
> >> > > >
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
> >> > > >
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours totake the magazine quiz together.
> >> > > >
26. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
>> > > >
27. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
> >> > > >
28. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
> >> > > >
29. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
> >> > > >
30. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
> >> > > >
31. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-- not both.
> >> > > >
32. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
> >> > > >
33. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
> >> > > >
34. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their ***** stared at.
> >> > > >
35. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

 

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his *****, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he
couldn't rise to the occasion.

"If neither of you objects," the medic said,
"I could give it a try." Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor
quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched
with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrusts continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the heck is happening?"

"Change of plans," the physician panted."I'm going to drown the little bas@#!

------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

These two little boys are sitting in the living room, watching TV with their
parents. The Mother looks over at the Father with a wink and a nod toward upstairs. The father "gets" the message, and they both get up and head towards the stairs. The Mother turns back to the two boys and says," We're going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV. We'll be right back
"OK"?

The two boys nod OK, and the parents take off upstairs.

The oldest of the two boys is old enough to know what's going on now, and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs. At the top of the stairs, he peeks into his Mom and Dad's bedroom and shakes his head. Back down stairs he goes to his little Brother. "Come with me", he says.
And the two little boys tiptoe up the stairs. Halfway up, the older Brother
turns to his Brother and says, "Now I want you to keep in mind, this is the same woman who used to bust our *** for sucking our thumb"!



------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

There are three guys in an airplane. The one guy throws a penny out the window and says "I love my country". The next guy throws a nickel out the window and says "I love my country". The last guy throws a bomb out the window and says "I hate my country".

The guy who threw the penny is walking down the street and sees a girl crying. she says she is cring cause her dad got hit by a penny and died.

The guy who threw the nickel is walking down the street and sees another girl crying. she says she is cring cause her dad got hit in the head with a nickel and died.

The guy who threw the bomb is walking down the street and sees a boy laughing his head off. the guy akes him why he is laughing so much. the boy says "My dad farted and the house blew up!"


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2000 F150 Black XLT "Sport", SC, SB, 4.2L, 5 Speed, 3.55LS, factory soft tonneau, keyless entry
Mods - JVC CD Player w/ Infinity and JBL Speakers, Permatech Spray in Bedliner
Coming Soon - Factory Fog Lights, Leveling Kit, Step Bars, Bug Guard, K&N, etc, etc...