Ocasionally I run in to a person that reminds me of this one:
One day a lion was walking in the jungle, when he came across a bull. He fought with the bull for an hour or so, and finally killed and ate him. He let out a great big victory roar! A hunter heard him, and killed him. The moral is: When you are full of bull, it is wise to keep your mouth shut!

 

Since Truck jokes part 2 was getting so much response I thought I'd bring up the one that started it all.

 

54Regcab,

All we need is Raoul now, and he can revive this topic

[This message has been edited by fast46triton (edited 10-14-1999).]

 

Naahh I'm just tring to bring these "classics" back where they can be seen since very few ppl bother checking anything past page1.
I though some of the new members might get a kick out of some of this stuff.

 

Geez, I'd start a topic "Who is the most bored?" but then that would move something else to page two. Hey then I'd have you guys on the run!!!!
Fast, I know your in school, but 54, Do you work or anything?

 

Andthensometoo,

School stinks!

As for 54Regcab, his job is classified. That is all I can say.

 

Andthensometoo,

School stinks!

As for 54Regcab, his job is classified. That is all I can say.

 

Naahh I'm the Boss and you know the Boss never does any work. LOL

 

Guy climbs out of his Chevy, walks to the back & pulls out his post hole digger & ice fishing equipment.
Starts the PHD & begins drillin.
A voice booms out - "You can't fish there"
He moves about 15 ft & starts again. Same voice " You can't fish there either"
So he moves one more time - Voice says " Not there either"
Ice fisherman says " Who are you GOD???"
Voice says No - just the arena manager.

------------------
98 F150 S/C 4.6 2wd Vermillion/Silver,HD Tow Pkg, Boards, Vents, Bug Chaser, DIY "breezer" Tailgate, 5th whl hitch, Tool box, 16" OEM Mag's

 

Hey Raoul where are you?

 

He's looking through the Victoria Secret catalog. "I cant seem to find my size skirt. Oh here it is, on page 134......

 

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else,
because you are.

5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2) Less guilt the morning after.

1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

 

Andthensometoo,

True

 

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was
increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene
and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being
referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor
who offered a solution:
"The good news is that I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it
will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your
********* to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
the *********."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no
choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was
clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he
walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need-a
new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job.", the salesman said.
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see 34 sleeve and ... 16 and a half neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar
in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9 and a half ...
wide."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ...size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press
your ********* up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of
a headache."

 

AUG. 21 Moved to our new home in New York State. It is so beautiful here.
The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see pure white snow
covering them.
OCT. 14 New York is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are
turned all the colors and shades of yellow, red and orange. Went for a
ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so
graceful. They are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be
paradise. I love it here.
NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to
kill such a beautiful creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with
white fluff. It looks like a picture postcard. We went outside and cleaned
the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Felt good. We had a
snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we shoveled the
driveway again. What a beautiful place. I will sleep good tonight, it's so
pretty. I love New York.
DEC 12 More snow last night. I love it. It's just beautiful. The snowplow
did his trick again to the driveway; sure getting my exercise. Snow on
roads getting brown. I love it here.
DEC. 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to
work. Am exhausted from shoveling. F-----g snowplow.
DEC. 22 More of that white c--p fell last night. I've got blisters on my
hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and
waits till I'm done shoveling the driveway. @**hole!
DEC. 25 Merry F_cking Christmas! More f-----n snow. Fell on my driveway.
If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplow, I
swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use MORE SALT on
the roads to MELT the f-----g ICE.
DEC. 27 More white s--t last night. Been in jail here for three days
except for shoveling out the driveway over and over...after that *******
snowplow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, car's stuck in a
mountain of white s--t, No power, no water. Radio batteries getting weak.
The weatherman says to expect another ten inches of the c--p again
tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow TEN INCHES is?
DEC 28 The f-----n weatherman was wrong, jerk! We got 34 inches of that
white s--t this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The
snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked
to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken SIX shovels already
shoveling all the s--t he keeps pushing in the driveway, I broke the last
one OVER his f-----g head!
JAN. 4 FINALLY got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food.
On the way back a stupid deer ran in front of my car and I hit it. Did
$3,000 worth of damage to the car. Those f-----g beasts should be killed.
Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Can't believe the thing is
RUSTING OUT from all that f-----g SALT they put all over the roads.
MAY 10 Moved to Georgia. I can't imagine why ANYONE in their right mind
would ever live in that GOD-FORSAKEN State of New York.