An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous, young wife, who was bound up on to the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have "a good time" with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you're really cute!"

 

An shovie driving couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so they could travel together.
After the examination, the doctor then said to the man:"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?""In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have "a good time" with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have "a good time" with my wife the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly."
After examining the lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having "a good time" the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that old coot!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

 

Sam has been in the newspaper business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing
dinner when someone knocks on his door.
He opens it and there is a big, bearded shovie driver standing there.
"Name's Enoch... your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... having a Millennium Party Friday night ... thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving, he stops, "Gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
Damn, Sam thinks... Tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people." I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there...
By the way, what should I wear?
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."

 

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."

 

Hey Your getting good at that!!! lmao

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet he suffered
from bad breath. This made him what?
Answer: A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

 

More medical problems for the poor old Chevy driver's wife:
___________

A Chevy driver's wife gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has some kind of sex bugs. She explained that she couldn't have because she never gave the Chevy driver any sex. The doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer so she went to a third doctor and said, "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have anything sex-related because I'm married to a Chevy driver!"

The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is it's true you don't have sex bugs. The bad news is your cherry rotted. You have fruit flies!"


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

 

Is that you at 8 o clock?

 

Yep Fast, the more I drink, the better looking I think I am!
I'm a "10" after a case!
but sometimes I'm a "case" after 10.

 

Q: What did the little bell say to the big bell?
A: You may have a bigger dong then me, but I get more dinging.

 

I think Steve should re-lable this to

A.T.S.T.'s Komedy Korner

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98 F150 S/C 4.6 2wd Vermillion/Silver,HD Tow Pkg, Boards, Vents, Lund Bug Chaser, DIY "breezer" Tailgate, 5th whl hitch, Tool box, 16" OEM Mag's,BEEP,BEEP roadrunner floor mats.
Mobil1 /Wix Oil filter/ K&N / air box mod.
In looks & go - Chevy - like a rock.

 

Roadrunner,

I created that! Your idea...

 

Here's a VERY funny story about some fool of a Chevy driver working construction, somewhere in Quebec. It's for Jean Marc Chartier and any others out there who read French.
_______________

Un homme nouvellement embauché par une compagnie de construction a dû soumettre les détails d'un accident qui l'a obligé d'aller à l'hôpital après moins d'une heure à son boulot. Son travail consistait simplement à descendre des briques laissées sur le toit d'un immeuble à trois étages.

VOICI SON RAPPORT MÉTICULEUX

Pensant d'sauver du temps, j'fixe un madrier a'ec une poulie à couvarture, une corde qui passe à travers la poulie, pis lé deux boutes de corde qui descendent jusqu'à terre.

J'attache un baril vide à un boute d'la corde pis j'le monte jusqu'en haut. Après ça, j'attache l'aut boute d'la corde à un arbe. J'monte su l'toit, j'remplis l'baril a'ec lé briques, pis je rtourne en bas détacher à corde pour faire descende le baril. J'y avais pas pensé dans l'temps, mais l'baril plein d'briques était ben trop pésant pour moé, so avant que j'réalise quack ce soit, l'osti d'baril m'crisse en l'air d'une chotte. Trop haut pour lâcher à corde, (pis j'monte toujours) j'me tiens après à corde en tabarnac; à mi-chemin, vers le haut, j'renconte tu pas l'osti d'baril qui descend. Je rçois un crisse de coup su lépaule gauche -- tabarnac ça faite mal. Mais cé pas toute, j'continue à monter moé là. Rendu en haut mé doigts poignent dans l'osti de poulie pis j'me frappe à tête su l'calisse de madrier.

Quand l'baril frappe à terre, le fond pette, pis là l'baril s'vide.

Asteur, ciboir, chu plus pésant que l'baril. Là j'descends en crisse. À mi-chemin j'renconte encore le calvert de baril qui monte. Je rçois dé tabarnacs de coups s'é jambes . . . ça saignait en crisse. Rendu en bas je fous le camp su lé osti d'briques, pis cé là que j'me sus toute coupé. Me v'la toute étourdi, pis j'lâche la crisse de corde . . . L'osti de baril descend en tabarnac pis y m'tome s'à tête. Là, j'me rappelle pu de rien pis j'me sus ramassé à l'hôpital.

Respectueux, j'vous demande un congé d'maladie


------------------
Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

What is the difference between a Shovie truck and a Hoover vacuum?????


The location of the"Dirt Bag".

 

Whats the difference between a "brown noser" and a "@ss kisser"?
Depth perception