I was driving my Chevy truck down the road,
When I realized it was gonna explode.
The Chevy motor blew up in my face,
So I put a Ford motor in it's place.
I drove that truck 'till the body panels rusted away,
But that old Ford motor still runs to this day!

*I didnt really drive the truck*

Speed Kills. Drive a chevy. Live for ever.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To push his Silverado to the shop.


Acronyms:

Chevrolet: Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

Dodge: Drops Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere

GMC: Gotta Mechanic Coming?


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1999 Ford F150 XLT 4x2, Cloth Seats, Amazon green, 16" All season tires, Soft Tonneau Cover, CD Player, 4.6 liter Triton V8, 3:55 ls, towing package, 4 speed auto, K&N Airfilter, soon Superchip and K&N GEN II.

Fast46Triton

The Terminator!

 

Ok, these two guys are truck drivers, since these are truck jokes.

Andy and Bob are walking their dogs in the park.
Andy says,"Let's go to a bar and get a beer."
Bob says, "They won't let us in with these dogs."
Andy says, "Don't worry. Just follow my lead."
Andy goes into the bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
Andy says, "I'm blind, this is my seeing eye dog."
The bartender says, "Oh, sorry bud. Have a seat."
Bob hears all this and walks in.
The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
Bob says, "I'm blind, this is my seeing eye dog."
The bartender growls, "That Pekingize is a seeing eye dog?!"
Bob says, "What? They gave me a Pekingize?"

 

Chevrolet=Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time.

 

FORD: Fun Off Road Driving

 

CHEVY/DODGE OWNERS BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle
ACTION: Rotate glass so open end points toward ceiling

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet
FAULT: Bad bladder control
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless
FAULT: Glass empty
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM: Oposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
FAULT: You have fallen over backwards
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts
FAULT: You have fallen forward
ACTION: See above

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of shirt is wet
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty beer glass
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM: Floor moving
FAULT: You are being carried out
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark
FAULT: Bar has closed
ACTION: Confirm home adress with bartender

SYMPTOM: Taxi (truck won't start) suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
ACTION: Cover mouth

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Jim McGuigan '98 Lariat SC SB 4X4 5.4L ORP Dark Toreadore Red Air box mod, Gibson Sport Truck,Hop cap Penda-liner SUPERCHIPPED!jimmac@ismi.net

 

Tina, That was a good one!

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1999 Ford F150 XLT 4x2, Cloth Seats, Amazon green, 16" All season tires, Soft Tonneau Cover, CD Player, 4.6 liter Triton V8, 3:55 ls, towing package, 4 speed auto, K&N Airfilter, soon Superchip and K&N GEN II.

Fast46Triton

The Terminator!

 

I don't write this stuff I just pass it on, so don't yell at me about the term "RiceBoy".

You might be a RiceBoy if....
*Your spoiler is higher than the roof of your car.
*A softball will fit inside of your exhaust tip.
*You think performance stickers will actually increase your cars horse power.
*You think that your 115 hp 4 banger is faster than a 300 hp V8.
*People have to wear sun glasses just to look at your chrome wheels.
*Your wheels stick out past your fenders.
*Your car makes less than 200 hp, and has racing stripes.
*You think that farting exhaust note sounds good.
*You consider a K&N filter & a big exhaust tip to be major modifications.
*You lie to your friends about winning a race (when you actually lost).
*You spend more money on "looks" than performance.
*You think Honda's are fast.
*You can't see outta your back window because of all the stickers.
*You revv your Hondas' motor every time you see a Mustang or Camaro.
*You tell everyone that your car is fast, but you know its' really a slow piece of sh*t
* Your car sounds like a Kazoo.
*Your car has performance stickers, but doesn’t actually have the parts that the stickers are advertising.


[This message has been edited by Darin (edited 07-06-1999).]

 

Why do shovie owners go to the movies in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under not admitted

What do you get when you have 32 shovie owners in the same room?
A full set of teeth

A new law was recently created for shovie owners: When a couple gets a divorce, they revert back to brother and sister.

Did you hear about the new "3 million dollar shovie owner lottery"? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years!

Two shovie owners are walking down the street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet one says,
"Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in the sack?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"
"Hell, if you can guess, I'll give you both of them."
"O.K. Ummmmmm........., five?"

 

Shifter, I have one of those "HORN BROKEN, WATCH FOR FINGER" bumper stickers.

[This message has been edited by Andthensometoo (edited 07-13-2000).]

 

An old chevy driver, wearing a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat there sipping his wiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink, she turned to the chevy driver and said, "are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, (in between fixing the truck) I guess I am.
After a short while, he asked her what she was.
She replied, "I've never been on a ranch. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. I get up in the morning thinking about women, when I eat, shower, watch T.V., everything makes me think of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

 

Andthensometoo: Good one
I believe there are a lot of guys that fall into that catagory

 

Some points to ponder...

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Only in America...do we leave trucks worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave boxes of useless junk in the garage...

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Mechanic at Chevy dealer, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Jim

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'99 F-250 LD 5.4L SC XLT in White/Silver (w/ EVERYTHING 'cept leather and engine block heater) -- added: SnugTop Hi-Liner & carpet kit, Donnelly mirror, more to come... (new shocks and side bars are next)



[This message has been edited by JHerron (edited 07-11-1999).]

 

Another bar joke:

Guy gets out of his Chevie pick-up (notice how I weaved that in) and walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks. He places them on the bar and has a few drinks and chats with the Bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask Chevie drivers about the animals they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. The two chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The Bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he says to the first duck. "Huey," said the first duck. "How's your day
been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day". "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender.

Then he says to the second duck "Hi. And what's your name?" "Lewie" came the answer. "So how's your day been, Lewie?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance of another day I would do the same again".
So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says "So, you must be Dewie". "No," growls the third duck. "My name is Puddles."

------------------
1998 XL SC short-box 4.2 5-speed 3.55LS, Pacific Green, A/C, factory box liner, factory dark tinted rear glass (like the XLT), cassette, carpet, Canadian XLS package (split bench, chrome wheels, side mouldings, box light, tailgate lock), sill guards, Windstar (driver's) wiper blade (the one with the air scoop). Oh ya: snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

 

This couple is having a baby. The doctor's tell the couple that there is a new device that can transfer some of the pain of labor from the mother to the father. The guy is kind of leery of this but, agrees to accept 10 percent. The mother immediately notices a 10 percent decrease in pain and the guy says, "Hey, there's nothing to it, bump me up to 20 percent." The mother is grateful for the additional relief and the husband says "So this is all there is to childbirth? Give me all of it, 100 percent!" The mother goes through completely painless childbirth, so much so that they are all able to go home from the hospital the same day. When they arrive home, they find the milkman dead on the front lawn.

p.s.
Technically, the milkman drove a truck so this joke qualifies.
I don't know if the milktruck was a Ford or a Chevy, guess it depends on your point of view.

 

How many Shovie drivers does it take to eat a 'possom?
Two: one to eat the 'possom while the other one watches for cars.

What is the most common excuse given to judges by shovie drivers?
"Honest, your Honor, I was just trying to help that sheep get over the fence."

Whats the differance between a ford driver and a shovie driver?
To a ford driver a "moose head" is a beer.
To a shovie driver it's a felony.