This was sent to me last month from a "deployed" military member living in "tent city":

 

Did I see that correctly? 53 friggon pages...holy cow!

 

 

i think so !

 

 

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the young airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone."
************************************************** ********************************************

A couple of A-10's fighters are escorting a C-130 Hercules transport plane and their pilots were chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell on the subject of relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding their planes were better because of their maneuverability, weaponry and the like.

The C-130 pilot replied "Yeah? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just watch," he tells them.

The C-130 continues to fly straight and level, and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?" He replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back
an took a ****."

************************************************** **********************************************---
Q:How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++---
Q:What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot......

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++---
Q:What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the planes shuts down.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++---
3 Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first marine said "Those are deer tracks." The second marine said "No, those are elk tracks." The third marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." The marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++---
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, Hey, don't put that crap on me! My wife will think I've been in a brothel!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

 

May be a REPEAT, but it may me laugh sooo hard the first time I read it, I thought it was worth sharing again when it came through my inbox this time...



How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43
added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced
with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way,
shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they
sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain
was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.

My wife doesn't appreciate that Woo Woo sound

 

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus and took a seat.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

Finally on her fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver who radioed the police and the man was arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about age
20) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her pregnant condition.
She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Sloan's Liniment
will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a
sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident...I just lost it."

 

An executive was in quandary.

He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It would be a hard decision to make, as they were equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying
all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like sh@t."

 

 

How about starting a new thread and letting this one DIE!! It has been around for WAY to long now.

 

I like this thread...it has history....I spent many hours going through this thread LMAO...

Stan

BTW - What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall?




















Dam!

 

paulv107, are you aware there is a "last post" button, (joke part > ) or are you just blonde?

I love this thread - tons of jokes all in one click without all the pop ups and ads that typ joke sites have.

 

Nope, not blonde

I like the thread too, but it was just for a while there was only one person posting to it. So I was just suggesting to start a new thread instead.

 

I've been here for a long time (though my post count doesn't show it). Yea, I've dragged it up from the past, but this was where all the jokes started. So, I've chosen to keep posting here, at least until the count goes to 1000, then I'll let it die from my end.

What's the difference anyway whether it gets posted here or under an new thread that says "Blondes have more Fun"?

The purpose is the same, share a laugh......