Recently, I was diagnosed with AAADD: Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decided to wash my car. As I started toward the garage, I spotted the mail on the hall table. I should go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay the car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. Since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I might as well pay the bills first. I see my checkbook on the table, but there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk, where I find the bottle of juice that I had been drinking.



I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the juice aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
But the juice is getting warm, and should be put in the refrigerator to keep it cold. Heading toward the kitchen with the juice, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need to be watered. I set the juice down on the counter, and find my reading glasses, for which I've been searching all morning.

I had better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

Tonight when we sit down to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table. I should put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I put the remote back down on the table, and get some towels to wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:


* the car isn't washed,
* the bills aren't paid,
* there is a warm bottle of juice sitting on the counter,
* the flowers aren't watered,
* there is still only one check in my checkbook,
* I can't find the remote,
* I can't find my glasses, - and I don't remember what I did with the
car keys.

I'm trying to figure out why nothing got done today; it's quite baffling because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I know this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you?
Forward this message to whoever you think might enjoy it, because I don't remember who I've already sent it to.

 

IF MEN WROTE ADVICE PAGES

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If youre still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it1s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn1t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

 

Who cuts the grass?


One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair,
drinking Ice cold Gin And Seven, and watching Vicki mow the lawn. The
neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at
this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I took a drink from my ice cold Gin And Seven, Then wiped off
my mouth, lifted my darkened RayBan Sunglasses
and stared directly at this nosey bitch and then calmly replied,

"I am, That's why SHE cuts the grass.



Now,,, Who cuts YOUR grass

 

My apologies if this is a repeat, I didn't have the time to look at ALL the jokes:

A Ford driver, Dodge Driver and a Chevy driver were playing golf one day. A beautiful young lady, Lisa, joins there group at the 10th hole. Lisa is not a very good golfer and double-bogies every hole up until the 18th. She hits a beautiful approach shot to six feet, looks over at the guys and says "I've never had a par before. I'll blow whichever one of you who helps me get a par"

The Chevy driver looks at the ball, the hole and the line of the putt and says "Looks like it breaks 15 inches to the right"

The Dodge drivers looks over the situation and tells the young lady "Nope, only breaks about 11 inches".

The Ford driver looks at the situation, starts walking towards Lisa while undoing his pants and says "It's good".

 

Here is a little movie starring me and our webmaster, Steve.

F150 Online Movie

BOB

Idea stolen from Autopia.org. Thanks for the idea

 

very funny

 

hahaha that was great!

 

There was a Marine deployed to Iraq. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up...AND she wants pictures of herself back.

So, the Marine does what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of naked women to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send back the rest."

 

Oh man, I haven't read these in awhile. They are all still good!
Takes my mind of my roofless house.

 

Hey now, I resemble those remarks

 

Excellent jokes this morning.........

But that bumpersticker about dying like my Grandfather was the best! Anybody know where I can purchase one?

 

u started this some time ago, my goal is 1000! When I post a joke, it goes here!!!

 

Apology if this was already posted:


Bumper Stickers seen on Shovie Trucks:

Dyslexics of the World Untie!

Illiterate? Write for free help!
(my friend actually had this on his van)

Jenn in OH

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on
your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your eye and
your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse
goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by
the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I
don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find
your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

 

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, and a 1lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items
in front of the cashier. He said, "You must be single."

The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her four items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said,
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier'n' Sh@t."