Relatively Clean Truck Jokes
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 1,565
Likes: 1
From: Columbus, Georgia
50 Ways to Annoy People
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce
that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4. Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
"astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of
rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination,
UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being
first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that
people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed
is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce
that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4. Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
"astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of
rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination,
UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being
first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that
people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed
is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10
Likes: 0
From: Wheaton, Md. USA
Here's a buch of one-liners I've heard over the years, no offense meant to anyone...
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?
A. Matt
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging from the wall?
A. Art
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your backyard swimming pool?
A. Bob
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs flying over a fence?
A. Homer
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole in the ground?
A. Phil
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs wedged under your truck?
A. Jack
Q. What do you call a woman with no arms and ONE leg?
A. Ilene
Q. What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and one leg?
A. Irene
Q. What do you call a Latino woman with no legs?
A. Cunsuelo
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?
A. Matt
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging from the wall?
A. Art
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your backyard swimming pool?
A. Bob
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs flying over a fence?
A. Homer
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole in the ground?
A. Phil
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs wedged under your truck?
A. Jack
Q. What do you call a woman with no arms and ONE leg?
A. Ilene
Q. What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and one leg?
A. Irene
Q. What do you call a Latino woman with no legs?
A. Cunsuelo
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 1,565
Likes: 1
From: Columbus, Georgia
Shifter..Come to think of it..they sure do!! 
And so do these...
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "ohh la la!"
76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive half a block.
91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. "Forget" the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to "interface" with someone.
98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
[This message has been edited by Dustoff (edited 01-21-2001).]
And so do these...51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "ohh la la!"
76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive half a block.
91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. "Forget" the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to "interface" with someone.
98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
[This message has been edited by Dustoff (edited 01-21-2001).]
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 1,565
Likes: 1
From: Columbus, Georgia
Another Blonde Joke...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she
replied,"There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she
replied,"There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 319
Likes: 0
From: Dallas, TX, USA
For entertainment only! No Texas jokes please
Foreigner's Travel Guide to Texas:
Like it or not, the new Texas White House will be in Crawford, Texas and
soon will be drawing a number of people to the state, including many
who are not used to Texas ways. They might find the following advice
useful.
1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local
restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak.
Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick
your ***.
2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley,
Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick
your ***.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a
coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or
whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an
*** kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read
some J. Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot
nicer than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll
kick your ***.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot,
Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small
lapses in judgment (e.g., Phil Gramm) . However, we are not dumb enough
to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate.
If anyone tried to do that they would get a serious *** kickin'.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen.
Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you
visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or we'll kick
your ***.
7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so
shut up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, or
we'll kick your ***.
8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk
casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT, under
any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains no
kidney beans, this will get your *** kicked into next week.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your *** on home -- before we
kick it.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and
that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ***.
11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil.
If your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the
aroma. Besides, None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently.
If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your *** all the way
back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little
gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your *** -- just like they did
ours.
13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small
towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime
infested cesspools like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and we'll
kick your ***.
14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ***
shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go
home in a pine box -- minus your ***.
15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the
first place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio
Grande and put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep
your *** out.
16) Enjoy your visit.
------------------
Mine:2001 1/2 F150 Super Crew, Lariat, Oxford white w/silver lower accent and Med. Gray Leather Captain Chairs,4x4 ORP, 5.4L, 3.55LS, 17" Chrome wheels w/GY AT/S LT265/70/17, auto, 6 CD,Towing package, alarm, Westin Chrome nerf bars, Seat Savers and Husky mats for hunting, bed liner, white tail light lens covers.
http://albums.photopoint.com/j/Album...1294&a=3025874
Wife: 1999 Explorer Limited,pearl white/tan leather,4.0L,4:10LS,CD,sunroof,towing pkg.,alarm. Bought new Sept. 1999
Previous: '65 Mustang 289 HiPo, '70 Chevelle SS 396, '70 Vette Conv. 350/350, 72 Datsun PU,'74 Vette TTop, '79 Blazer, '81 F150, '83 Bonneville, '84 Gran Marquis '89 TBird Super Coupe 3.8L SuperCharged, '93 Explorer 4.0L, '97 F150 SC XLT, 4x4 ORP
Foreigner's Travel Guide to Texas:
Like it or not, the new Texas White House will be in Crawford, Texas and
soon will be drawing a number of people to the state, including many
who are not used to Texas ways. They might find the following advice
useful.
1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local
restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak.
Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick
your ***.
2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley,
Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick
your ***.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a
coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or
whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an
*** kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read
some J. Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot
nicer than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll
kick your ***.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot,
Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small
lapses in judgment (e.g., Phil Gramm) . However, we are not dumb enough
to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate.
If anyone tried to do that they would get a serious *** kickin'.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen.
Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you
visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or we'll kick
your ***.
7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so
shut up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, or
we'll kick your ***.
8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk
casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT, under
any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains no
kidney beans, this will get your *** kicked into next week.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your *** on home -- before we
kick it.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and
that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ***.
11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil.
If your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the
aroma. Besides, None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently.
If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your *** all the way
back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little
gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your *** -- just like they did
ours.
13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small
towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime
infested cesspools like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and we'll
kick your ***.
14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ***
shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go
home in a pine box -- minus your ***.
15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the
first place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio
Grande and put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep
your *** out.
16) Enjoy your visit.
------------------
Mine:2001 1/2 F150 Super Crew, Lariat, Oxford white w/silver lower accent and Med. Gray Leather Captain Chairs,4x4 ORP, 5.4L, 3.55LS, 17" Chrome wheels w/GY AT/S LT265/70/17, auto, 6 CD,Towing package, alarm, Westin Chrome nerf bars, Seat Savers and Husky mats for hunting, bed liner, white tail light lens covers.
http://albums.photopoint.com/j/Album...1294&a=3025874
Wife: 1999 Explorer Limited,pearl white/tan leather,4.0L,4:10LS,CD,sunroof,towing pkg.,alarm. Bought new Sept. 1999
Previous: '65 Mustang 289 HiPo, '70 Chevelle SS 396, '70 Vette Conv. 350/350, 72 Datsun PU,'74 Vette TTop, '79 Blazer, '81 F150, '83 Bonneville, '84 Gran Marquis '89 TBird Super Coupe 3.8L SuperCharged, '93 Explorer 4.0L, '97 F150 SC XLT, 4x4 ORP
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 1,565
Likes: 1
From: Columbus, Georgia
This is funny...someone had fun creating this web page --->
http://wspd.com/hoyt/hoythomepage.html
http://wspd.com/hoyt/hoythomepage.html
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 272
Likes: 0
From: Minnesota
Shifter-
You better watch what you say about Minnesotans.....There are a lot of us here on the board....and we like to get revenge.....Get it right, there are more than ****** and Hockey players....There are a lot more F150 drivers than ******, and hockey players.
[This message has been edited by MNFORD99 (edited 01-24-2001).]
You better watch what you say about Minnesotans.....There are a lot of us here on the board....and we like to get revenge.....Get it right, there are more than ****** and Hockey players....There are a lot more F150 drivers than ******, and hockey players.
[This message has been edited by MNFORD99 (edited 01-24-2001).]
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
Noted, MN.
A Ford trucker from that fair state is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down and is thinking of ways to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, catches it in midair, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap . . . and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!
"You know," he says, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, I'm not," she replies, "But you just happened to catch my eye."
A Ford trucker from that fair state is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down and is thinking of ways to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, catches it in midair, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap . . . and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!
"You know," he says, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, I'm not," she replies, "But you just happened to catch my eye."
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 336
Likes: 0
From: Buffalo, NY US
This may not be hysterical but I liked it so here goes:
"What happened to the Shovie driver who fell asleep dreaming about mufflers?
He woke up exhausted!"
I warned you it wasn't great! LOL!
------------------
Love my truck & PROUD of it! If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
Shovies PROVE that FORD'S are #1!!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
"What happened to the Shovie driver who fell asleep dreaming about mufflers?
He woke up exhausted!"
I warned you it wasn't great! LOL!
------------------
Love my truck & PROUD of it! If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
Shovies PROVE that FORD'S are #1!!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 272
Likes: 0
From: Minnesota
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and because they are - THE -
> > > seven
> > > > dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
> > > "Dopey,
> > > > my son," says the Pope, what can I do for you?" Dopey asks,
> > > "Excuse me
> > > > your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope
> > > wrinkles
> > > > his
> > > > brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No
> > > Dopey,
> > > > there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
> > > > In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns
> > > around
> > > > and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your
> > > Worship,
> > > > are
> > > > there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now,
> > > again
> > > > thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no
> > > dwarf nuns
> > > > in
> > > > Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
> > > Once
> > > > again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
> > > Dopey
> > > > turns back
> > > > and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the
> > > world?" "I'm
> > > > sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
> > > > The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,
> > > pounding the
> > > > floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin
> > > > chanting........"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a
> > > penguin!"
> > > seven
> > > > dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
> > > "Dopey,
> > > > my son," says the Pope, what can I do for you?" Dopey asks,
> > > "Excuse me
> > > > your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope
> > > wrinkles
> > > > his
> > > > brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No
> > > Dopey,
> > > > there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
> > > > In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns
> > > around
> > > > and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your
> > > Worship,
> > > > are
> > > > there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now,
> > > again
> > > > thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no
> > > dwarf nuns
> > > > in
> > > > Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
> > > Once
> > > > again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
> > > Dopey
> > > > turns back
> > > > and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the
> > > world?" "I'm
> > > > sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
> > > > The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,
> > > pounding the
> > > > floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin
> > > > chanting........"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a
> > > penguin!"
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 272
Likes: 0
From: Minnesota
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and because they are - THE -
> > > seven
> > > > dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
> > > "Dopey,
> > > > my son," says the Pope, what can I do for you?" Dopey asks,
> > > "Excuse me
> > > > your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope
> > > wrinkles
> > > > his
> > > > brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No
> > > Dopey,
> > > > there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
> > > > In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns
> > > around
> > > > and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your
> > > Worship,
> > > > are
> > > > there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now,
> > > again
> > > > thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no
> > > dwarf nuns
> > > > in
> > > > Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
> > > Once
> > > > again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
> > > Dopey
> > > > turns back
> > > > and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the
> > > world?" "I'm
> > > > sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
> > > > The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,
> > > pounding the
> > > > floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin
> > > > chanting........"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a
> > > penguin!"
> > > seven
> > > > dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
> > > "Dopey,
> > > > my son," says the Pope, what can I do for you?" Dopey asks,
> > > "Excuse me
> > > > your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope
> > > wrinkles
> > > > his
> > > > brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No
> > > Dopey,
> > > > there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
> > > > In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns
> > > around
> > > > and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your
> > > Worship,
> > > > are
> > > > there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now,
> > > again
> > > > thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no
> > > dwarf nuns
> > > > in
> > > > Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
> > > Once
> > > > again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
> > > Dopey
> > > > turns back
> > > > and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the
> > > world?" "I'm
> > > > sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
> > > > The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,
> > > pounding the
> > > > floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin
> > > > chanting........"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a
> > > penguin!"
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
A Shovie owner, Billy Bob, and a Ford owner, Lester, were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, “Ya know, I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you said to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn’t get pregnant again.”
Lester asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Marie with me.”
Lester asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Marie with me.”
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 327
Likes: 0
The young Indian boy went to his father to complain about school, saying, "all the kids tease me about my name. Why don't I have a regular name like everyone else? Robert Littledove and Gene Walking Tall say my name really sucks. Can I change it?"
His father says, "well, your grandfather gave you the name, you'll have to see him. It is customary in our family for the eldest to choose the name."
So the boy sees his grandfather, and tells him about the schoolmates teasing him, and asks, "why did you give me this name? I hate this name."
The grandfather says, "You were named in the old custom--when hearing about the birth of a child, we name the child after the first sight we see after waking up and coming out of the teepee. Your father therefore, is Bright Sky in Morning, your uncle is Blown Tree Falling, and your brother is Running Horse because these are the first things I saw. Do you not like your name, Two Dogs F*cking?"
His father says, "well, your grandfather gave you the name, you'll have to see him. It is customary in our family for the eldest to choose the name."
So the boy sees his grandfather, and tells him about the schoolmates teasing him, and asks, "why did you give me this name? I hate this name."
The grandfather says, "You were named in the old custom--when hearing about the birth of a child, we name the child after the first sight we see after waking up and coming out of the teepee. Your father therefore, is Bright Sky in Morning, your uncle is Blown Tree Falling, and your brother is Running Horse because these are the first things I saw. Do you not like your name, Two Dogs F*cking?"