Got this via email (supposedly true):

I was listening to the radio the other day, and I heard one of the all-time best comeback lines in my life.

Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting!!! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

The radio went silent and the interview ended.
And all I could think was, "Go Army!"


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2000 F150 Black XLT "Sport", SC, SB, 4.2L, 5 Speed, 3.55LS, factory soft tonneau, keyless entry
Mods - JVC CD Player w/ Infinity and JBL Speakers, Permatech Spray in Bedliner
Coming Soon - Factory Fog Lights, Leveling Kit, Step Bars, Bug Guard, K&N, etc, etc...

 

It was a hot day in Wisconsin. Helga hung the wash out to dry, put a roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry
cleaning. "Gootness, it's hot." she mused to herself as she walked down Main street.

She passed by a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" so she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came up and asked her what she would like to drink.

"Ya know," Helga said, "it is so hot I tink I'll have myself zee cold beer." The bartender asked, "Anheuser Busch?"

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yer pecker?"

 

Yahoo! Now we're rolling again!
_______________________

A young Shovie driver joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.

“So, did you jump? “The father asked.

“Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!”

“Is that when you jumped? “Asked the father.

“Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door.”

“Did you jump then?” Asked the father.

“I’m getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he’d kick my butt.”

“So, did you jump?” says the frustrated father.

“Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 275 pounds.”

He said to me, ‘Boy, are you gonna jump or not?’ I said, ‘No, sir. I’m too scared.’ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his ***** out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, ‘Boy, either you jump out that door, or I’m sticking this little baby up your a$$.’

“So, did you jump? “Asked the exasperated father.

“Well, a little, at first," said the Shovie driver, "but then I got used to it…”


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the
horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the
ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground,
she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when. . . . . . . .


The Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.


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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

A Shovie salesman goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me.
My ***** is orange."

The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's ***** isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"

The Shovie man responds that he was fired about six weeks ago, their trucks just aren't selling like FORDS. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.

The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real *******, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours,I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."

So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?"

The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys
stress.

But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bi%$#!"

So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"

The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!!!"




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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

Two trees are growing in the woods.
One day a sapling grows between them.
The first tree asks the other, "Hey, is that a son of a birch, or a son of a beech?"

The second tree replies,"I don't know, but here comes a woodpecker, we can
ask him."So they ask the woodpecker,

"Mr. Woodpecker, you're an expert on trees, is that a son of a birch or a son of a beech?"

The woodpecker flies down and tastes a little sap and flies back. He says "Gentlemen. that is neither a son of a birch nor a son of a beech, that is the finest piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in.



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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

Why did the Clintons name their dog Buddy?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Because you can't yell, "Come Spot" in the White House anymore.....
>> >
>>
>


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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

LOL Jd, LOL!!

 

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant
suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell
you a story," replied the Rabbi.

"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested: "Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

Perfect timing, JD. I'm getting ready to do my income taxes.

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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

Here's another oldie that past through my e-mail today:

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when
they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Lets
swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."



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99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

Not sure if this has been posted yet...

Wow, It's the year 2000. I guess now I'll have to learn how to speak to a
woman and be politically correct.

She is not a BABE or a CHICK -She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She has not BEEN AROUND -She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE -She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not an AIRHEAD -She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY -She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY -She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID -She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She is not HORNY -She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She is not a BAD COOK -She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She is not HALF NAKED -She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELLERY -She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED -She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT -She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER -She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY -She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT -She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB -She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY -She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MOUSTACHE -She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS -She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME -She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GET YOU EXCITED -She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.

She is not KINKY -She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.

She does not have a KILLER BODY -She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.

She does not GO SHOPPING -She is MALL FLUENT.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP -She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS -She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.

She does not NAG YOU -She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a **** -She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

She is not LOOSE -She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

She does not have THIN LIPS -She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT.


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2000 F-150 XLT, 4x2, 5.4L Supercab, Styleside, Black with silver two-tone, 3.55, class III towing package with heavy duty cooling package, 4 wheel disk ABS, overhead console, sliding rear window, keyless entry, dark graphite interior, in dash CD, Pendaliner bedliner, K&N air filter, rubberized undercoating, cabin filtration system, Bugflector II, 5W-30 Mobil 1, engine build 10/4/99

 

One I can relate to...

Why Helicopters are Better than Women
---------------------------------------
1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time.

2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.'

4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection.

5. Helicopters come with manuals.

6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits.

7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month.

8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws.

9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong.

10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown.

11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time.

12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines.

13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter.

 

A California policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seatbelt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back-seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"

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1997 4x4 XLT 4.2l ORP 5-speed
For more details and pics please see my site...Thanks
www.eph1fifty.cjb.net

 

Great posts, Dustoff!

------------------
Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!