Andthensometoo,

Take a bow, you have earned a standing ovation for this thread. clap clap clap

Redwing

[This message has been edited by redwing (edited 01-16-2000).]

 

A lady is in the hospital getting ready to give birth to a child. The doctor says that he can use a machine that will transfer pain from the mother to the father. The husband seems ify, but agrees. The doctor outs it on 10%. The husband said THIS IS NOTHING, CRANK IT UP. The doctor then puts it up to 50%. The mother seems relieved, and the man asks for 100%. The doctor turns it to 100%, and the mother goes through the birth with no pain, and the husband says it was a snap. When they get home, they find the mailman dead on the grass.

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Fast46Triton ®

1999 Ford F150 XLT Supercab, Shortbed, 4x2, 4 wheel disc brakes/4 wheel Anti-Lock Brakes, Cloth Seats, Amazon green, 16" All season tires, Soft Tonneau Cover, CD Player, 4.6 liter Triton V8 with possible piston slap!, 3:55 ls, towing package, 4 speed auto, K&N Airfilter

 

Fast that was hillarious !

 

Here's a question to ask the next Shovie driver you see:

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

THE OFFICE PARTY

John, the Shovie driver, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete *** of yourself as usual. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an idiot," John said. "**** on him." "You did, right in front of everyone," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd DRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE

1)At lunchtime, sit in your parked truck and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2)Page yourself over the plant or office intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

3)Insist that your e-mail address be:
‘xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com’ or ‘Elvis-the-king@companyname.com’

4)Put your waste basket on your desk and label it ‘IN.’

5)Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6)Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”

7)Sing along loudly at the opera.

8)Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

9)Send e-mails to the rest of the company to tell them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom from 3 to 3:15.”

AnD tHe FiNal wAy tO aNnOy PeOple:

10)Send this joke to everyone in your personal address book.


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

Shifter,

LOL!

 

hehehe!!

Another question for Shovie drivers: Do you know how to tell you’re REALLY ugly?

Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

Even nymphomaniacs tell you, “Let’s just be friends.”


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

I BeLeIvE tHe FiNaL wAy To AnNoY pEoPlE iS tO tYpE LiKe ThIs,
!ereht os ,siht rO

 

Shifter,
Did you use to work in my office? We use to have guy across the street who used the hair dryer on us. We had a guy who use to page himself. Everybodies trash bins had IN on them (Same hand writing). We suspect the decaf/espresso trick. He refered to himself as a diety.

 

Yup, mtknee, that might have been me doing those things. I like to keep the world lively.

Here's another story about a Shovie driver (since these are Relatively Clean TRUCK Jokes).
_________________

“I’m worried that I’m losing my wife’s love,” the Shovie driver told his marriage counselor.

“Has she started to neglect you?”

“Not at all,” the dejected man replied. “She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she’s a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Maybe I’m just worrying about nothing, but at night, when she thinks I’m sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, ‘Die! Die, you Neanderthal son of a bitch!’


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

Q. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 US leader
Q. What did the sign on the door of the "cathouse" say?
A. Beat IT - we're closed.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P.
Q. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on.
Q. Why is sex like a bridge game?
A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an "good-time" and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their ***** are just for decoration.
Q. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

 

Geez, where do you find all these? LOL!!!!

 

As Jimmy Durante once said, "I've got a million of 'em!"
________

One day this Shovie driver, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. ”It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes this drop-dead
gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned Shovie driver and asks, ”How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” ”Ten years!” the Shovie driver says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that ever good!”

She then asks him, “How long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” Trembling, he replies, “Ten Years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He opens the
flask, takes a long swig, and says, “Wow, that’s absolutely fantastic!”

Then she starts slowly pulling down the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit. She looks at him seductively and asks,
"And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

The Shovie driver, with tears in his eyes, replies, ”Oh sweet Lord God! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”


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Black 2000 SC XLT short-box. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 Limited Slip. Side steps, CD, remote entry, FORD box liner. Add-ons: Older Windstar driver's side wiper blade (with the air scoop, because I don't slow down when it rains), back-up beeper, "f150online.com" sticker and snazzy Tweetie Bird floor mats.

My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. Great trucks!

 

A Ford driver goes into a bar and sits next to 3 Chevy drivers. He orders a beer and turns to the first Chevy driver and asks if he wants to hear a Chevy joke.

The Chevy driver sets his beer down, turns to the Ford driver and says "Son, I'm 6'3" tall and weigh 245 pounds and work out 3 times a day, my buddy here is 6' tall, 300 pounds and is a lumberjack and the small guy on the end is 6' 9" tall and was a lineman for the local football team... and each of us drives a Chevy truck. Are you sure you want to tell us a Chevy joke."

To which the Ford driver replies:

"Not if I have to repeat it 3 times!"

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2000 F-150 XLT Sport - Silver