Relatively Clean Truck Jokes
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 147
Likes: 0
From: Murrieta, Ca., USA
This happened before in the "how to use pics" forum. It only happens when the forum has grown to a large size. Oh-well.
Bones
[This message has been edited by Bones (edited 04-26-2000).]
Bones
[This message has been edited by Bones (edited 04-26-2000).]
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 147
Likes: 0
From: Murrieta, Ca., USA
Please bear with me guys. This is not me, it's my computer. I only pressed submit once but for some reason it posts like 15 times. Really sorry everyone.
Bones
[This message has been edited by Bones (edited 04-24-2000).]
Bones
[This message has been edited by Bones (edited 04-24-2000).]
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 692
Likes: 0
From: Michigan Rocks and then some too!!!
Uh I don't know if I should say this BEFORE he kills you or after.....I posted that joke already.
Just what kind of "Compulsive Computer" do you have?....WAIT, DO NOT tell us!
Just what kind of "Compulsive Computer" do you have?....WAIT, DO NOT tell us!
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
Not new but good and it's got some nice updates:
“World Ideologies Explained by Reference to Cows”
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by former chicken
farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took
from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
eggs the rules say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need.” Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
NEW-STYLE RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbor decides who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price, or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and saw its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials though no one ever hears about it. McDonald’s buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
LIMBAUGHISM: You used to have two cows. They may be dead; you don’t know, because you can’t smell them through the stench rising off your unwashed, 1,500-pound bulk. It’s been six years since you could fit into the shower. You blame the entire situation on an evil government conspiracy, and click the remote to another talk show.
X-FILES-ISM: Your two cows turn out to be the government. They milk YOU. You are saved by two generic bimbos, a female and a male with blow-dried hair, after (1) a car chase, involving UFOs, (2) a gunfight, and (3) a seance. The aliens get the advertising revenue after the Nielsens rise.
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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100 Custom 240-cube 3-speed, '98 F-150 XL-SC 4.2 5-speed, and '00 F-150 XLT-SC 4.2 5-speed. GREAT trucks!
“World Ideologies Explained by Reference to Cows”
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by former chicken
farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took
from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
eggs the rules say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need.” Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
NEW-STYLE RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbor decides who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price, or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and saw its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials though no one ever hears about it. McDonald’s buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
LIMBAUGHISM: You used to have two cows. They may be dead; you don’t know, because you can’t smell them through the stench rising off your unwashed, 1,500-pound bulk. It’s been six years since you could fit into the shower. You blame the entire situation on an evil government conspiracy, and click the remote to another talk show.
X-FILES-ISM: Your two cows turn out to be the government. They milk YOU. You are saved by two generic bimbos, a female and a male with blow-dried hair, after (1) a car chase, involving UFOs, (2) a gunfight, and (3) a seance. The aliens get the advertising revenue after the Nielsens rise.
------------------
Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100 Custom 240-cube 3-speed, '98 F-150 XL-SC 4.2 5-speed, and '00 F-150 XLT-SC 4.2 5-speed. GREAT trucks!
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
THE SUGGESTION BOX~~~
A Ford driver and a Shovie driver were in the office and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea and each took a card to fill out.
The Ford driver wrote, “The office workers should all be given raises!”
When he looked over at the Shovie driver’s card, it said in tiny, cramped writing: “Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company trucks, and new coffee cups, and much longer lunch breaks, and an extra week's vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patricks Day, and Columbus Day and Martin Luther King’s Birthday?”
The Ford driver said, “Na, na, na. That isn’t the way to get things changed around here. . . . You shouldn’t put all your begs in one ask-it.”
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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100 Custom 240-cube 3-speed, '98 F-150 XL-SC 4.2 5-speed, and '00 F-150 XLT-SC 4.2 5-speed. GREAT trucks!
A Ford driver and a Shovie driver were in the office and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea and each took a card to fill out.
The Ford driver wrote, “The office workers should all be given raises!”
When he looked over at the Shovie driver’s card, it said in tiny, cramped writing: “Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company trucks, and new coffee cups, and much longer lunch breaks, and an extra week's vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patricks Day, and Columbus Day and Martin Luther King’s Birthday?”
The Ford driver said, “Na, na, na. That isn’t the way to get things changed around here. . . . You shouldn’t put all your begs in one ask-it.”
------------------
Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100 Custom 240-cube 3-speed, '98 F-150 XL-SC 4.2 5-speed, and '00 F-150 XLT-SC 4.2 5-speed. GREAT trucks!
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, “My son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free.” The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.” The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar." The first three men exchange glances and shake their heads. The fourth man, noticing their disapproving looks, continues. “Look, I’m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio.”
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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100 Custom 240-cube 3-speed, '98 F-150 XL-SC 4.2 5-speed, and '00 F-150 XLT-SC 4.2 5-speed. GREAT trucks!
The first man told the others, “My son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free.” The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.” The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar." The first three men exchange glances and shake their heads. The fourth man, noticing their disapproving looks, continues. “Look, I’m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio.”
------------------
Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100 Custom 240-cube 3-speed, '98 F-150 XL-SC 4.2 5-speed, and '00 F-150 XLT-SC 4.2 5-speed. GREAT trucks!
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 120
Likes: 0
From: Shakopee, MN
I don't think I saw my favorite yet.
A guy parks his Ford pickup outside a bar with all Chevies up front and saunters in. He sits down at the bar and the bartender looks at him and says "You ain't from around here, are you fella?." Everyone in the bar looks at the man strangely and nervously he answers "No, I'm not". "What you do?" asks the bartender. "I'm a taxidermist", says the man. "What in the hell is a taxidermist?" says the bartender. "I mount dead animals for a living." "Ah....", says the bartender, "It's alright boys, he's one of us."
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99 XLT 5.4L SC 4x4 ORP Wedgewood Waldoch - 3.55LS, grey/blue leather, wood dash and door inserts, Lund Deflector, Trenz Billet Antennae...and too many things on my want list!
1977 1/2 F250 4x4 "Low Boy" 400-4spd
A guy parks his Ford pickup outside a bar with all Chevies up front and saunters in. He sits down at the bar and the bartender looks at him and says "You ain't from around here, are you fella?." Everyone in the bar looks at the man strangely and nervously he answers "No, I'm not". "What you do?" asks the bartender. "I'm a taxidermist", says the man. "What in the hell is a taxidermist?" says the bartender. "I mount dead animals for a living." "Ah....", says the bartender, "It's alright boys, he's one of us."
------------------
99 XLT 5.4L SC 4x4 ORP Wedgewood Waldoch - 3.55LS, grey/blue leather, wood dash and door inserts, Lund Deflector, Trenz Billet Antennae...and too many things on my want list!
1977 1/2 F250 4x4 "Low Boy" 400-4spd