Your Donkey Is An Ass
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 327
Likes: 0
Every day above ground is a good day.
After Anwar Sadat was assassinated-- "some days it don't pay to get up in the morning."
That boy's so dumb he couldn't pour **** out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.
He's so greedy he'd eat a ***** sandwich, if he liked bread.
If brains were round, his would look like a BB rolling down an 8-lane highway.
"Sliding down the razor blade of life", (his came to an end when he...)
[This message has been edited by gofish (edited 01-04-2001).]
After Anwar Sadat was assassinated-- "some days it don't pay to get up in the morning."
That boy's so dumb he couldn't pour **** out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.
He's so greedy he'd eat a ***** sandwich, if he liked bread.
If brains were round, his would look like a BB rolling down an 8-lane highway.
"Sliding down the razor blade of life", (his came to an end when he...)
[This message has been edited by gofish (edited 01-04-2001).]
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 34
Likes: 0
From: San Antonio Tx
Here's some:
"just like putting socks on a rooster"
Example: Seeing that chevy try to beat a Lightning is "just like putting socks on a rooster"! (impossible, but funny to watch)
"that went over like a turd in a punchbowl"
Example: That jew joke "went over like a turd in a punchbowl" at the Leiberman barmitzfa. (a BIG faux pas)
"like a monkey ****in' a football"
Example: You can insert this one in the first example.
"just like putting socks on a rooster"
Example: Seeing that chevy try to beat a Lightning is "just like putting socks on a rooster"! (impossible, but funny to watch)
"that went over like a turd in a punchbowl"
Example: That jew joke "went over like a turd in a punchbowl" at the Leiberman barmitzfa. (a BIG faux pas)
"like a monkey ****in' a football"
Example: You can insert this one in the first example.
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 241
Likes: 0
From: Valdosta, Ga
"That dog don't hunt"
Like when your dealer says "It's normal", your response should be "that dog don't hunt".
"You can polish a turd, but it's still a turd"
Mostly used when you see a guy fixing up a Chevy
Like when your dealer says "It's normal", your response should be "that dog don't hunt".
"You can polish a turd, but it's still a turd"
Mostly used when you see a guy fixing up a Chevy
Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 9
Likes: 0
From: FL of course
How about a few Dan Quayle-isms:
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">
I have made good judgments in the Past.
I have made good judgments in the Future.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
For NASA, space is still a high priority.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA employees, 9/5/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/30/91
This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is `to be prepared'.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) Also reported by Reuters, 5/2/90
</font>
I have made good judgments in the Past.
I have made good judgments in the Future.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
For NASA, space is still a high priority.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA employees, 9/5/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/30/91
This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is `to be prepared'.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) Also reported by Reuters, 5/2/90
</font>
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
Wendell: Here's a variation on your personal favourite: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose. Don't know what that's supposed to mean...
Here's something I hear all the time: ***** runs downhill.
Meaning, when something goes wrong, the boss will always look around for a someone working for him -- or her -- to blame.
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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, rear fender inner splash shields (TSB 00-09-05), FORD box liner.
My third F-series (ordered new). The other two: '73 F-100 Custom, 240 cube 6, 3 on the tree, tan, "West Coast" mirrors, step bumper, knitted vinyl seat, AM radio; and '98 F-150 SC short-box XL, XLS package, Pacific Green, 4.2 5-speed, 3.55 ls, FM-cassette.
GREAT trucks!
Here's something I hear all the time: ***** runs downhill.
Meaning, when something goes wrong, the boss will always look around for a someone working for him -- or her -- to blame.
------------------
Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2 V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, rear fender inner splash shields (TSB 00-09-05), FORD box liner.
My third F-series (ordered new). The other two: '73 F-100 Custom, 240 cube 6, 3 on the tree, tan, "West Coast" mirrors, step bumper, knitted vinyl seat, AM radio; and '98 F-150 SC short-box XL, XLS package, Pacific Green, 4.2 5-speed, 3.55 ls, FM-cassette.
GREAT trucks!
Member
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 15
Likes: 0
From: Oshawa, Ontario,
You know its a dumb idea when you get told to "give your head a shake!"
Next time you have to call in sick just tell the boss you "feel like 10 pounds of s#$t in a 5 pound bag"
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1992 F150 Supercab SB 4x4 Manual Hubs 302 AOD Ford 8.8 Dana 44 3.55 31x10.5 Ford 15x8 Steel 8 Slot Ralleys Custom Box Liner
Next time you have to call in sick just tell the boss you "feel like 10 pounds of s#$t in a 5 pound bag"
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1992 F150 Supercab SB 4x4 Manual Hubs 302 AOD Ford 8.8 Dana 44 3.55 31x10.5 Ford 15x8 Steel 8 Slot Ralleys Custom Box Liner
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 266
Likes: 0
From: Ohio
How about this....
"if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes!"
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2001 Bright Red Supercrew
4X4
5.4 V8
Mods:
BFGoodrich TA KO 285/75/16
Airforce One intake kit
Exhaust: Hooker AeroChamber Muffler, SI/DO
Rhino Liner (Planned)
Catch-All Floor Mats (Planned)
Go Buckeyes!
"if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes!"
------------------
2001 Bright Red Supercrew
4X4
5.4 V8
Mods:
BFGoodrich TA KO 285/75/16
Airforce One intake kit
Exhaust: Hooker AeroChamber Muffler, SI/DO
Rhino Liner (Planned)
Catch-All Floor Mats (Planned)
Go Buckeyes!
Certified Goat Breeder
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 6,182
Likes: 19
From: the moral high ground
I knew I didn't have any sick leave so, I called in Dead.
I have never been fired from a job in my whole life. I've had some where they stopped paying me and eventually I stopped showing up but, I've never been fired.
[This message has been edited by Raoul (edited 01-08-2001).]
I have never been fired from a job in my whole life. I've had some where they stopped paying me and eventually I stopped showing up but, I've never been fired.
[This message has been edited by Raoul (edited 01-08-2001).]
