Yes, quick, and so quick it's painless.

 

100 MPH GOAT .



Two Tennessee rednecks are out hunting, and
as they are walking along
they come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are
amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some
hole; I can't even see the
bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
The second hunter says," I don't know, let's
throw something down and
listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says, "There's this old
automobile transmission here,
give me a hand and we'll throw it in and
see". So they pick it up and
carry it over, and count one, and two and
three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and
looking over the edge and they
hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As
they turn around they see
a goat come crashing through the brush, run
up to the hole and with no
hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at
each other, looking in the
hole and trying to figure out what that was
all about, an old farmer
walks up. "Say there," says the farmer, "you
fellers didn't happen to
see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says, " Funny you should
ask, but we were just
standing here a minute ago and a goat came
running out of the bushes
doin' about a hunnert miles an hour and
jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I
had him chained to a transmission!"

 

The Pub

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Australian, an American,a Canadian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.

The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

 

SMART A**


Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you sellin' here ?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a**holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them

 

 

So I was swatting flies this afternoon when my wife came in and asked what was doing. I said, "swatting flies... I've killed 3 male and 2 female flies.". She said, "how do you know what sex they are?" "Well," I said, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone!"

 

 

 

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A MONTANA GIRL
>
> Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....
>
> The first man married a Filipino. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
> It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
>
> The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
> The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
>
> The third man married a girl from Montana . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
> He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see
> a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
> He still has some difficulty when he pees.

 

Toto, your not in Kansas anymore, nope, you're in Montana, and by the way, watch out for those girls!

 

Subject: Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks
that worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan
After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared
breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
His grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates,
as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as
clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you
fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town
and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog
started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said,
'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.


Without diverting his attention from the football game
he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!

 

 

 

Man and wife are in the grocery store, dialog went something like this:

Man puts case of Bud Light in basket.

She: Why did you take that? We can't afford it, put it back.

Him: It's on sale for $9.99, and it'll make me feel better.

She: Put it back!

Man puts beer back on shelf.

Two isles later woman picks up jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

Him: That costs $21.99! We can't afford that! Why did you take it?

She: It's my beauty cream, it makes me pretty.

Him: The beer would have done that for half the cost.

PA system: Husband down on isle 6

 

That's a good one