Hang in there bud!

 

Cowboy, sounds like you've done all you can for the time being and you should step back and leave the next move to her. I realize you love her and it will be hard to not pick up the phone and call or e-mail her or contact her in some way but I fear that would just make things worse at this point. Even if she leases an apartment before you talk to her again, it's only an apartment, even with a lease it's not a permenant move. Hang in there.


I have to disagree with this. There have been times when I needed to get away to figure out what I'm feeling before I bring the problem to a discussion with my husband. If I were to just start talking before getting my own thoughts together it could make a bad situation worse. Granted I never actually packed up and left home but I can fully understand the need to get away and if my husband weren't gone so much of the time with his job I may have left a time or two. If there is an issue she wants to bring forward she may be trying to gather her thoughts before she takes the plunge. I can't say that is what's happening in this case but I do understand the concept of needing space and wanting to get myself together before dealing with a problem.

 

This is tough but I am surviving. Last night was okay, but it's not as easy today. I got a call from an apartment complex verifying rental history. I wanted to scream out, She didn't rent from me, she was my fiancee. But I made up a lie for her. There is a concert at the local club we were suppose to go to tonight. I might mention it next time I talk to her and let her know she's invited. Don't do it, I know, but i'll do it casually. I'm also considering seeing if I could have lucnh with her tomorrow. Not to talk about decisions, just to visit. I'll just ask if she'll be interested and leave it at that. Whenever I call, I always have a reasonable excuse...

"Hey, I'm going to be at the concert tonight. If you need me to bring you anything from the house, let me know now. (It's cold outside with the fresh snow). I'm sure you're not interested, but you're invited of course."

I know I'm not following your tips to the letter, but she seems okay with my minimal contact.

Assuming she doesn't come, I know of a bunch of sorority girls going tonight so hopefully I'll have a good time.

Just posting for therapeutic purposes.

 

Post away my friend... We are all ears or eyes or what ever....

Have fun at the concert regardless of your company.

 

what are you and hers ages?

 

I am 25 and she is 24. We've been together for 4 years. It's only been two days but I dont know how much more I can bare. People are write, she should have some clue what she wants. But I can't force it out of her. AAAAHHHHH I'm loosing my mind. Tomorrow I dont even have work to keep me occupied.

 

It's been a long weekend. Pretty tough. I did manage to go out Friday and Saturday night for some fun. She met me for lunch yesterday. There was some small talk as I tried to not chase her away. I also told her about two of the major changes I would make if I had a second chance. She still acts as though we had never been together. Very cold. I broke down a wee bit when I dropped her off after lunch. Not what I wanted to do, but I've been good for the most part. We left it at that time I would wait for her to contact me. I have not talked with her at all today. With the new week upon us, I have a strong feeling she'll sign an apartment lease in the next couple of days. Sounds like she found a studio apartment she likes. I've gone through so many emotions over the weekend. Sometimes I convince myself I'm ready to move on, or that we weren't perfect for eachother. But that's not true, because we are perfect for eachother. Especially with all the changes I'd like to make in our relationship. At this point though, I'm not optimistic on a second chance. What really bugs me is I dont understand why we're at this point. I understand she doesnt want to live in this town, but I dont know why that has to destroy our relationship.

 

I'm sorry to hear that things are't looking up for you Cowboy.

 

Looks like I've run out of sympathy. Oh well, I can understand how uninspiring my thread is. Anyway, she signed a lease on a studio appartment. I dont know for how long. Today at lunch, I'm taking her out to the house to grab some essentials. She wants to move the big stuff Saturday.

She continues to show me no signs of affection. I dont know what the deal is there. I'm going to try and put a stop to that today. If I'm showing her all the patience and understanding I am, the least she can do is respect what we had for 4-yrs. I'm also hoping to get some sort of answer on our relationship; can we keep trying or is all lost? I need some direction, I can't keep hanging like this. Put mt heart back together or let me break.

Pretty soon I'm going to have to figure out what to do with the house. Without my girl, I have no use for a house. Unfortunately my loan has a 3-yr no payoff clause so I'm in a bad situation. Hopefully I can rent it to someone and get a small apartment back in Boulder (the town we left and she's returning to). I've been staying at the folk's house for the past few days, I can't stand it at the new house by myself.

 

Urban this is as hard for me to say as it will be for you to read but she has moved on. Either there is someone else in the picture now or she has lost interest in you and is trying not to make it ugly. I went through this about ten years ago and it hurts like hell but you will survive I promise. The best thing to do is just let go and if it was meant to be it will happen but you cant make someone love you. Take care buddy and I wish you the best.

 

Good god I can't believe I"ve been passing over this thread until today...

WTF is wrong with you? I know it sux to get dumped, but true love doesn't require this much effort on your part. She's screwed up in the head, move on. Try to convince her to stay, propose, then next thing you know she's missing the day before the wedding and shows up in New Mexico somewhere...

Suck it up man!

 

There is the compassionate Dzervit that we all knew would show up.

Although he is basically right.

Scary isnt?

 

People aren't perfect. They make mistakes, they get confused. True love doesn't turn its back the with the first sign of trouble. If/when the time comes she tells me off, then I'll try to move on. But not until that time. Yea, maybe getting back together is a bad decision that will result in further pain down the road. But that's a risk I'm willing to take for this woman. Neither of us are perfect and together we can get through this. Maybe I'll be preaching a different tune this afternoon, but for now, I just press on.

 

First sign of trouble? You said she pulled this chit before. You put forth mucho efforto then too I'm sure. How many times does "true love" have to work it's **** off before it turns it's back? And true love is a 2-way street. Sounds like she doesn't think it's the real deal or she wouldn't have tried to escape twice now...

EDIT: And I'm not trying to be an *** on purpose, I just want you to think about what's good for YOU, not her crazy ***.

 

Sorry to hear about that man...

All I can suggest is that since she's flipping out already, and you haven't taken the plunge, you may as well bail out now while the plane is still on the runway because let me tell you- marriage doesn't smooth anything out. Allit does is put some gravel in the pot hole. In a few months, the pot hole is back.

Oh sure, for the first 6 - 12 months life is good because it's new... Honey this, baby that, you're so sweet, you're so thoughtful, where've you been all my life, oh-oh-oh my God I'm gonna.... Well, you get the point...

But, after a while, it gets crazy again. Our first year was a breeze, the second year was too, but at teh 30 month mark- we had an obstacle- we got a new house and it became apparent to me that my wife- really didn't like my sister or mother that much.. Having a new house and seeing how tense she was about them "tearing up the house" made it a bad experience- and believe me- if sleeping in the house and watchign TV in it could tear it up, then my wife was right- it was being destroyed!!

My wife "threatened" me with divorce by the 4th day of their visit.. It was quite uncomfortable, and kind of embarrassing- but I told her to "Get to steppin". I loved this woman, and deep down, I didn't want her to leave, but in that moment- if she had left I knew I'd be OK; I also knew I'd given her no reason to leave- but you can't make someone else happy. They're either happy or they aren't. My wife knew she'd stepped on her willie, and that I was just biding my time until my family left before it really went down. Then it went from I want a divorce to "Please don't leave me." Like a dumb@$$, I stayed... All we had invested at the time, was time. (The plane was taxiing but was still moving slowly) and I cared less about the material stuff, to this day...

The last time she tried that crap (2003)- I'd had enough- she couldn't make her mind up about what she wanted- so I said, "Let me make it real simple for you- I'm leaving you- Goodbye."

The BS that came to a head that day had been goign on for weeks--- I had already been planning to leave- but, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I usually let her have her way- until she goes too far- and usually she knows when to quit; but that day, she went too far, and she knew it. Almost immediately my phone as ringing off the hook- I would not answer (caller ID), e-mails (delete), calling my job (Display phone)- you name it.

Again, like a dumb@$$- I stayed- but I came oh-so close to rolling out- but I didn't because we have 11 years and a child invested in this marraige. Plus, I'm fat right now and probably couldn't pull a girl hot enough to make her jump off a bridge in my present state (I'm back in the gym now though!!)

Had she pulled any kind of BS with me when we were dating, she wouldn't have to make her mind up- I'd do it for her. I was ruthless as a single man- I'd fire 'em quickly!

Bottom line- there are way too many women in the world to pine yourself away on one that's not sure if she wants to be with you, or one that needs space, or that much time to decide on something...

Although I don't know you- I do know this... You deserve better...

Everyone does.