But what if she likes being on her own? I can't let that happen. I must remind her of how great we are together, all the time!

Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll give her a ride to her brothers after work tonight, tell her how I feel and then let her be. She'll probably sign an apartment lease by the time I talk to her again. Hopefully she decides she wants me in her life and we can figure out what to do. Man, that's going to be hard.

I have a list of all the things I'd do differently if I had a 2nd chance.
I have an offer to rent out the house and move with her into an apartment
I have a lovely poem I wrote
I'll have a stuffed giraffe.

Sound ok?

UC

 

Sounds like a plan. If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

God speed, my brother...

Adrianspeeder

 

Alright:

Keep in mind what I said.....S-P-A-C-E brother, space. Let her clear her mind, and get grounded again. Thats step one.

I have heard you say "2nd chance" too many times. Who says it's about you? Maybe she has your lives together on her mind and is getting cold feet. Dont sell yourself short.

Step 2, let her come to terms with her issues, and come to you. Pressure is a bad thing to add to a womans thoughts. When I do that to my wife now, we end up in an arguement, and it could have been over looked if I would have just quit saying, "baby, whats the matetr". I know for a fact it's a b!tch to NOT KNOW, but in your case, it's best to give her that space to clear her mind, and get it all together.

 

UC don't force something that's not meant to be. I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. God already has our lives already planned out. Just follow your gut feelings and you'll be fine. Let her know your here for her but SPACE is a good thing. She probably needs a week of two to sort things out in her head.

 

WHOA there. That there would scare any woman away who was having second thoughts.

Do NOT do that until she is sure what she wants. It seems that each time one of you wants to move somewhere else the other one follows (you into the appt when she wanted out of your parent's house, her into the house you bought). Maybe living apart is for the best for now.

 

You guys rock, you know that. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support and guideance. That even goes to those of you who tell me to move on. . I'd totally screw up without your tips. My plan of action should have all the kinks out. Hopefully I can keep my head straight when/if I talk with her today.

I just need to know if I've been ruled out as an option or not.

 

Just be prepared for her to say she doesn't know right now.

I honestly feel like I am pouring salt into your wounds but I really am trying to keep you from doing something that could really ruin your chances. I am all about helping a guy keep someone to lay....I mean love.

I'll try to check back up on you in the morning otherwise I won't be back on until Monday (race weekend). Just try to stay calm when/if you talk to her & don't push anything if she can't give you an answer now.

 

Ah ha, but if she doesn't know, then I have not been ruled out.

 

Exactly. I just wanted to make sure you understood that.

 

cool.

So, we are in an understanding then. Good.

Keep us informed.

 

Woah there! What do you mean "I can't let that happen"? It isn't your choice, brother. And if you push the issue, you will force her away. I'd guess that she is feeling 'smothered' which is why she needs some space. And 'space' doesn't mean that you only call her 3 times a day, it means you leave her the fluck alone for a week or two!

Ease up, my friend. Or you will force her away no matter what her feelings are for you.

 

I was voiceing my thoughts not my actions. I've only talked to her twice today, and she called both times. Once to cancel lunch and another time to ask if I can get her a coat and another blanket cause it's been slowing all day. I'm listening to you guys.

 

Hey man,, chicks are hard to figure out. Actually we will never figure them out. But like everyone is saying she needs her space. A quick story...My buddy's been going with his girl 5 years now. A littel under a year ago she decided she needed her space, got her own place and moved out. My buddy was crushed. Ive never seen anyone love a girl so much before in my life (which sounds like you do) anyway, he called and called and it pushed her further away. Finally he decided (with my advice) to leave her alone for a little while and go out with the boys, and try to live normally. Little by little she realized her "alone" time wasnt as good as she thought it would be.. They worked things out and she moved back in with him. Thats was a few months ago and things are going great for them.

Just let it run its course. Of sourse let her know you love her and will always be there for her. But im affraid if you keep on her, shes just gonna get further and further away. Remember one thing...if its not meant to be, than its just not meant to be. If you force it and get back together against her will, you will be starting this thread back up in another 6 months. Good luck brother, were here for ya..hope all goes well tonight.

 

Okay, here's an update for those who care.
I talked with her for about 10 minutes this evening. She hasn't ruled us out at this time. She says there is not a Yes or No to that question. I'm okay with that. I believe 100% that she does love me, so hopefully she'll realize that too. Their is the chance she wont, she could hide it from herself. For now, I'm okay. She said that although she was at her brothers last night, she came home after they were asleep and left before they woke. It sounds like she isn't talking to anyone cept her mother. So I'm not the only one. I take that as a positive as well. That's not to say the next few days will be easy but I can get bye. Tonight she is there, but it's snowing real good here in CO so she cant exactly roam the university. She accepted the poem and stuffed giraffe I gave her. I think the Giraffe was a real + and she seemed happy with it. You should see her face light up when she sees Giraffe stuff. It's got a cute face so hopefully it will remind her of me.

Okay, I must go. I'll be online at work tomorrow. Time to go eat. Mom is making me diiner; I haven't eatin in 48 hours. I'll stay here tonight.

Thanks again, UC

 

I agree with what most people are saying. However, basically you just have to let it go and see what happens. I have no idea what your situation is, in other words I don’t know you or her but let me put something out there for you to think about…

Control, guys try it and women try it, they try to be control freaks and it always ends up ruining a relationship. By you continuing to call her, it could be a control thing on her part. She sees you calling all the time wanting and waiting to do anything she wants.

That is not good for you, if that is the case. Nobody likes to be controlled and eventually someone gets hurt emotionally. I would recommend basically what BREWDUDE stated and that is to just stop calling, don’t send any flowers, presents, nothing.

You are an adult and she is an adult and adults know what they want. They don’t go through periods of “not knowing what is wrong with them” or “needing space”. I can understand either a man or women “not knowing what is wrong with them” but it has nothing to do with leaving for space while they figure it out. That is a cop out and excuse for not dealing with a problem within a relationship.

If she truly loved you she wouldn’t be playing this childish game of keeping you on the edge. She would be up front and tell you that though she may be having issues, and may even need to stay somewhere else for a short time, she would not leave you hanging wondering what the status of the relationship is.

In my uneducated and unprofessional opinion it is only two things, she is not sure about the relationship and/or it’s a control game. Trust me I know what hurt is and serious hurt at that and I do not intend this post to crush what ever hope you may have but just throwing something out there to think about, to really think about.

I could be completely wrong, but think about it, along with all the other advice, and try to make sense of this for YOUR own well being. It is your well being that is most important and not hers…

You worry and take care of your own emotional health and don’t worry about hers. Because if your emotional well being is strong things will work out the way they are going to work out. That could be bad in the short term for you, or it could go your way.

It reminds me something I was taught in school in driver’s education and I have used it for many situations in life:

“Plan for the worst possible situation and then have a plan to deal with it…”

Because once you have a plan, which could be moving on, on your own, you at least have a road plan rather then being in a limbo state staring at a wall wondering “What the hell am I going to do now”

My ex-wife left and took my daughter with her. It was a material thing and I couldn’t keep up with her material life style. Anyway I was devastated more then I could ever explain. Come to find out most my devastation was because of my daughter of which I now have custody of. Anyway, in the short term, I did not think the world could exist in the situation I found myself in but the world moved on and with some help from a few friends I was moving on and in time it got much better. For a situation I did not think I could handle or move forward from I now sit here and think it was the best thing that happen, and more so because I moved on and worried about myself and my daughter and not my ex-wife and her material needs, it was a very stressful relationship because of the material issues.

Needless to say she is absolutely miserable, had another husband which he is broke (LMAO at that dumb ****), to a live in boyfriend who almost went broke dink (LMAO) to another boyfriend that basically kicked her *** out to the street.

She drives a piece of crap car, works at a bar joint and our daughter, who lives with me drives a brand new Ford Focus (she pays for herself) gets A’s and B’s in school and has moved on past her mother as well who has ignored her own daughter because of material things and men. It is truly sad but as I said a completely different situation today then 8 years ago.

Hang in there my friend and look out for number 1 YOU. If it is meant to be it will be, if not deal with the pain now with friends (us and those around you) and it WILL get better I am living proof…