NEW SYMBOL FOR THE PRESIDENT

The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol for the president.....

It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks

 

No sendin' you to the optometrist, you definitely see 20:20!!!

 

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim


The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new
virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a
terrible obamanation. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high
risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008....but now most
people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting
to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because Gonorrhea
Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called
Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012
and simply don't engage in such behavior again;
otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life
as we know it. Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia,
New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Kentucky, with many more seeing
the writing on the wall.


Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk
you really care about.

 

toyota

 

Much funnier joke.... Gubmint Mot'as!

 

best one ive heard so far

 

The United States Border Patrol is asking citizens to keep on the lookout for a red 1951
Chevy that they suspect is being used to smuggle illegal immigrants across
the border from Mexico and into points along the U.S. border.

If you see the vehicle pictured below and have reason to believe that it is the suspect
vehicle, you are urged to contact your local Police Department or the U.S.
Border Patrol.

 

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Nowhere, Tennessee . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Tennessee deputy's expense..

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer..

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ***** out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

 

DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!

 

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it...

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it..... God I miss him. " But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful....", said the husband, "but why?

"You're with the "GOVERNMENT". This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."

 

What do you call a women with one leg? Ilene

A Japanese women with one leg? Irene

A women with no legs at all? Consuelo

 

And what do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

 

What do you call a broken boomerang?







A stick.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or no legs laying under a car?

Jack

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a pool?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or lege laying at the bottom of the pool?

Dead

 

What do you call Bob's girlfriend on the beach with no arms and no legs? Sandy

How 'bout the guy at the front door with no arms and no legs? Matt

The guy in thebathroom with no arms and legs? John