Well, just got into a slight argument with the GF and she gets all POd.

Earlier (without getting into specifics) I warned her of the outcome of something if she went thru with it. She didn't believe it would happen . . . it did. So today she's ticked and gets argumentative and then yells at me . . .
"Do you always have to be so G**dam*ed right all the time!?!?!?!"
She's pissed at me because I was right and tried to warn her . . .
go figure . . .

So, since she doesn't want my advice, I've decided to offer it freely to those who may seek it!

Go ahead . . . ask me anything! History, Science, Etiquette, whatever! Want to know how to dress for a particular occasion? Need to know how to fix something? Want to know the inner workings of the universe? Want to know if it's OK to fart in front of your wife's parents? I can help.

Think of it as Dear Abby . . . only it's Dear Kobi . . . .

Go ahead, ask away! Evidently I'm a know-it-all-SOB, so maybe I can help
(Lord knows there are others who don't listen to my advice) . . .

Disclaimer: Kobi's answers/advice are intended for humorous purposes only and are not to be taken seriously.

 

Yea, you have to be careful with those powers. I did that all the time to my Ex, and well now she's my ex. It's not my fault I know more than her.

 

I farted in front of my wife's mom and sister the other day. It was a nice one too. One of those big long rips where you have to go check your pants when you are done.

 

Dear UC -
Although you didn't actually ask me a question, I'd like to thank you for writing in.
You bring up a very good point, how the man in a relationship, through no fault of his own, knows more than the female in the relationship . . . except for those times when he doesn't . . . and at such stimes, it does not matter.
As is often the case, relationships will fail due to the inequity of proper perspective.
Go forward knowing that you still possess the power of proper perspective, and, from that perspective (your perspective) you ARE right, and eventually you will encounter another woman, who you will join up with, and you can eventually correct. Unless of course, she won't allow it, which then brings up a whole different kind of advice.
Take care, and don't forget to water those flamingos,
Kobi

 

hey kobi, what should i eat for lunch today? i cant decide where to go.

 

Dear 3valve -
Based on your post, I must assume that your wife's mom and sister did not object . . . or that they were killed instantly by the toxicity of your fart . . . either way, you're a lucky man.
Hope the pants weren't soiled.
Felt good, didn't it?
Did you know that farting is actually a sport in some countries? Yup, some places actually have farting competitions and award medals and such. If you're really good at it you should look into it. I would imagine that the opportunity for endorsements could be pretty good. Imagine the contract you could score with Heinz Baked Beans, for instance.

Keep up the good work,
Kobi

 

Dear Smeezy -
Wow, I can totally sympathize with the inability to choose what to have for lunch.
I was at The Ivy the other day and couldn't decide what to get. I eventually settled for a Chef's Salad.
In your case, it's gonna depend on the choices available to you.
What might those be?
Kobi

 

Kobi,
It has been pointed out that in my signature, my dog appears to be farting on my truck(dzervit), or possibly something even more solid. My question is, should I change my signature? My dog loves my truck and all I have to say is "wanna go in the truck" and she is ready. She would never desacrate my truck. One other problem, Jamzwayne designed the sig and I would not want to **** him off, thats for sure. Though, I think I would be safe if I just avoided Rudy's BBQ. Actually, I love that little dog and really like the sig. Do I just ignore dzervit's tacky comment or does he have merit? Your issight will be appreciated whether followed or not.

 

Hey Kobi......how do I post pics in my gallery?

 

Dear Kobi -

Hope there's no limit to an individuals question. I have a problem. It's Friday and I'm particularly tired. I dont feel like working but this board is kinda slow today as are the other 3 I frequent. What should I do?

 

pretty much every fast food restauraunt around, so its up to you Master Kobi son

 

OHHH GREAT 8 BALL . my *** is itchy what should i do

 

Smeezy -
I see you're in Utah.
Does The Church allow fast food restaurants?
If so, I suggest Taco Bell.
If you don't have those, then Wendy's, Burger King (hi lifeguardjoe!) and finally, as a last resort, McDonald's.
If you go to McDonald's, then I suggest the following:
Get a BigMac™ (I know, they're disgusting but stick with me here) and add ketchup to it. I know this sounds gross, but trust me on this, it improves the BigMac™ 1000%.
Good luck
Kobi

 

Dear Kobi,

Am I wrong to ask my family to turn off lights in rooms they are not using?

Should the toilet paper roll off the front side, or back?

If one of our bathrooms is really mine, do I still have to put the seat down just cuz my wife uses it sometimes?

Could genetics play a part in my Son's love for Chevy products when his Dad bleeds Ford Blue? He looks just like me, so I know he's not the milk man's.

Is the Illuminati really in control of the "free world"?

Is there a way to get my dog to lift his leg when he pees so that he won't soak his front paws anymore?

Should I by that stock in Sun Microsystems like I keep saying I should?

Should I sell my F-150 and buy an old beater truck and a new Mustang?

Should I stay in a Combustion Turbine power plant, or transfer to the new Coal Power Plant next year?

Who will be the next American Idol?

Why does a vest have no sleeves?

Thank you in advance for all of your generous insight!!

Sincerely,
Mr. H.

 

Dear bluejay432000-
Although dezervit can be rather harsh at times he's a softie at heart. (Note how he will always make a cold, mean comment, and after being scorned for it he alway's replies with "I was just kidding!". He means well, and that's why we love him.)
I can certainly understand how one could interpret what "D" points out, your dog's tail lifted and his sphincter is aimed squarely at your truck. Granted, it's a sick mind that might come up with that intrepretation, but none the less, how do you feel about it?
Could you take a picture of your dog in the bed of your truck (like buckdropper did in his going to the lake thread)? Then ask jamz to help you with a new signature with the new picture.
Otherwise, might I suggest you scrap the whole sig and make one that has naked pictures of Monica Bellucci, or some other hot babe.
Hope this helps
Kobi