brunette, redhead, and blond were in a truck one day. there wasn't room in the cab so the blond was in the back.

brunette, who was driving, goes off a bridge and into a river. the brunette and redhead quickly get out and swim to the surface. they're sitting there and getting worried because the blond hasn't surfaced yet.

a while later the blond comes up completely out of breath. the brunette asks, "what took you so long?" the blond replies, "i couldn't get the tail gate down."

oldie but one of my favorites.

 

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

 

probably already on here, but still a classic:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She

asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'



And then the fight started...

 

I like the last two

 

Q. What is the difference between the San Diego Zoo and the White House?


A. The Zoo has an African Lion and the White House has a lyin African

 

i grinned

 

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947 - a little over 60 years ago - witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.

(No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!)

Now You Know

 

That is no joke! That is fact! LOL

 

 

i dont know very many jokes but i think all the sean connery celebrity jeopardy parrodies are pretty funny

 

What do you get when you cross pms with gps?





A crazy biatch that will find you!!!!

 

The Hair Cut............

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left



A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left.



A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half.' The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.'



A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.



The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?'



Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your House'.

 

Good one Randall!

 

that one is going on my hard drive! nice!!

 

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a

White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish,

which is three wishes in total',
says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Biker says, 'I am very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country.

Nothing can get in or out;
it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer,

lights a cigar, smiles and says,
"Fill it with water."

Got to love Americans...........