tarajerame..so my posts are good for a laugh ?
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
tarajerame..so my posts are good for a laugh ?
Being now back in the UK I have reconsidered my decision to leave the forum for good and will now try to find time to annoy you all once again.
However, there are certain conditions that require your acceptance of the following.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister Cameron………………..
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium" .
Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(The worst offenders know who you are !!)
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like", "you know", “Oh my God”, and “Oh really” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed" .
2. There is no such thing as "US English" .
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents.
It really isn't that hard.
(Residents of the Rio Grande Valley will be required to refrain from asking me what language we speak in England…yes, really !!!! )
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.
(Also understand that Benny Hill never was and never will be, funny)
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. (You are allowed to call it soccer for 2 weeks until you get used to the idea )
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2014.
(PS Why do you have a “ world series”…..?
Who else in the world takes part….or cares ?)
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys.
Merde is French for "s*it".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive
Day. (Refer back to last US election)
9. All American cars (except trucks) are hereby banned.
They are crap and it is for your own good.
When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
PS Those who accept the above conditions within the first 24 hours will ge given free lessons in the correct useage of cutlery.
Think how much more time you would have to eat even more junk food if you didn’t waste all those hours swapping your fork from left hand to right hand. I know using one piece of cutlery in each hand is a skilled art…but it CAN be mastered !
Thank you for your cooperation !!!
PPS Anyone who owns a King Ranch Truck can delete any 3 out of the above.
Any other F 150 owners (Especially those with lightnings) who sneak looks at this post will be required to sell their trucks and buy a Chevy Avalanche as well as accepting the above.
Anyone else…Lord Help You !
However, there are certain conditions that require your acceptance of the following.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister Cameron………………..
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium" .
Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(The worst offenders know who you are !!)
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like", "you know", “Oh my God”, and “Oh really” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed" .
2. There is no such thing as "US English" .
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents.
It really isn't that hard.
(Residents of the Rio Grande Valley will be required to refrain from asking me what language we speak in England…yes, really !!!! )
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.
(Also understand that Benny Hill never was and never will be, funny)
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. (You are allowed to call it soccer for 2 weeks until you get used to the idea )
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2014.
(PS Why do you have a “ world series”…..?
Who else in the world takes part….or cares ?)
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys.
Merde is French for "s*it".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive
Day. (Refer back to last US election)
9. All American cars (except trucks) are hereby banned.
They are crap and it is for your own good.
When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
PS Those who accept the above conditions within the first 24 hours will ge given free lessons in the correct useage of cutlery.
Think how much more time you would have to eat even more junk food if you didn’t waste all those hours swapping your fork from left hand to right hand. I know using one piece of cutlery in each hand is a skilled art…but it CAN be mastered !
Thank you for your cooperation !!!
PPS Anyone who owns a King Ranch Truck can delete any 3 out of the above.
Any other F 150 owners (Especially those with lightnings) who sneak looks at this post will be required to sell their trucks and buy a Chevy Avalanche as well as accepting the above.
Anyone else…Lord Help You !
Last edited by Lenticular; Jul 23, 2012 at 01:59 PM.
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,573
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
I think I made that post about 9 years ago first of all as Brad correctly surmised.
I just revived it as my perenial wind up for newer members that don't get me or my twisted sense of humour....I just didn't edit it completely up to date !!
Guilty as charged.
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,573
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
Or even the United Kingdom......though that is probably unknown to you !!
(Do you want some geography lessons.....though of course over there it will be difficult to find any maps that show anything else besides the Disunited States of America !)
(Do you want some geography lessons.....though of course over there it will be difficult to find any maps that show anything else besides the Disunited States of America !)
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,132
Likes: 1
From: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Being a Canadian with many English relatives you had me up to #6. That is not funny. I am not prepared to lose Football.
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Senior Member
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
Besides you have ice hocky which is played by real men.
(That's not sarcastic by the way...I love Canada....especially BC and PEI.)
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
But I appreciate you are senile since it would seem you joined the forum in JAN 1970 !!!
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 1,734
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From: Nor-Cal,USA
You come on this site and insult people, you insult America and then ask for a explanation when you do not understand. Take your high and mighty attitude and figure it out.
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,573
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
Apparently your reading comprehension sucks as bad as your pompous attitude Join Date is Dec 1969.
You come on this site and insult people, you insult America and then ask for a explanation when you do not understand. Take your high and mighty attitude and figure it out.
You come on this site and insult people, you insult America and then ask for a explanation when you do not understand. Take your high and mighty attitude and figure it out.
(That IS sarcastic by the way)
Your previous thread shows your join date as 1970.
As for insulting America, I suggest you read my other recent posts under one of the gun threads and you will see I do absolutely the opposite !!
Perhaps YOUR comprehension needs attention.
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 1,734
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From: Nor-Cal,USA
No....I have to admit it...you've totally lost me !!
(That IS sarcastic by the way)
Your previous thread shows your join date as 1970.
As for insulting America, I suggest you read my other recent posts under one of the gun threads and you will see I do absolutely the opposite !!
Perhaps YOUR comprehension needs attention.
(That IS sarcastic by the way)
Your previous thread shows your join date as 1970.
As for insulting America, I suggest you read my other recent posts under one of the gun threads and you will see I do absolutely the opposite !!
Perhaps YOUR comprehension needs attention.
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Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,573
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From: Rio Grande Valley, Tx and the United Kingdom.
No my comprehension is fine, as for your other posts I have seen you say we need to have stricter gun control laws. Which again is badmouthing America. Your blaming a inanimate object for some lunatics actions. The gun is a tool just like an automobile. More people are killed by drunk drivers every year then guns do. Honestly it's none of your business or concern what our gun laws are and to be there is nothing wrong with our guns laws. In fact sates with strict gun control laws have higher crimes rates.
How are either of those dates possible !?
By suggesting that there should be stricter gun control is not "Badmouthing"
Its trying to open up discussion about what is a serious issue.
Have you looked at my other posts by the way where I praise the US and it's citizens ?