John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

 

HAHA!

 

One Halloween night a man opened his door to find a cute kid wearing a pirate costume. "Well, well! And who are you supposed to be, little man?" he inquired. "I'm Long John Silver," the boy replied. "I see! Well, Mr. Silver, where are your buccaneers?" the man asked. "Under my buckin' hat," said the kid.

 

A little boy was with his parents at Dairy Queen ordering a sundae. He was all decked out in is cowboy outfit, complete with white plastic grip cap pistols... The lady asked him if he would like nuts on top, he said "yes". She then asked if he would like his nuts crushed. He quickly drew his pistols and said, "only if you want your **** blown off."

 

A little girl was in the garden helping her father when she noticed two spiders on top of each other. She asked her father what they were doing.
He said they were tyring to make babies.
She then asked what the top spider was called.
"Daddy long legs", said her father.
"Oh", she said, "so the other one is a mommy long legs?"
"No", said her father, "that is a daddy long legs also."

Immediatly she stomped as hard as she could on both spiders, and said, "We don't need none of that **** in our garden!"

 

I think the word rymes with "Bits"....

 

how many body builders does it take to put in a light bulb?

4


one to put it in and 3 to say "lookin good man, lookin good".

 

ok. seriously, last one.


what was spock doing looking in the toilet?






studying the captains log.

 

a man is laying nude on a nude beach while reading the paper. a young girl playing in the sand soon points to his "stuff" and asks what it is. he says that it is a bird and that i have to cover it with my paper, or it will fly away..... the man wakes up in a hospital and looks around. he see's the girl and asks her what happened. she said " i was petting your bird and he spit on me, so, i broke his neck, crushed his eggs and set his nest on fire."

 

How many Pearl Jam fans does it take to change a light bulb?



23--1 to change the light bulb, and 22 to record the sound check...




_______________________________________________


How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



only 2, but how the heck did they get in there?

 

There's some pretty good dumb jokes in here. Just though I'd bring it back up for the crowd of today...

BTW, what ever happened to inbred?

 

He found out you were a hater, and left.

 

How'd the chicken cross the road?

























To get to the other side douche bag. Geeze...

 

Isn't it supposed to be "why"?

 

yep.

Q: How'd the chicken cross the road?








A: Very carefully.