Doh!! Dumb Joke #
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Originally posted by nsweeney
a man is traveling through the jungle and he comes across an elephant with a thorn stuck in his foot. he approaches the elephant and gently removes the thorn. the elephant gives the man a thankful expresion as he lumbers off into the jungle. a few years later the same man is sitting in the front row of the circus in his home town. soon the elephants come out and immedietly one of them begins to eye the man. at the end of the act the elephant walks up to the man and extends his trunk. the man steps on board and is lifted into the air. the elephant then grabs the mans feet and slaps him to the groud repeatedly like a fly swatter.
turns out it was a different elephant.
a man is traveling through the jungle and he comes across an elephant with a thorn stuck in his foot. he approaches the elephant and gently removes the thorn. the elephant gives the man a thankful expresion as he lumbers off into the jungle. a few years later the same man is sitting in the front row of the circus in his home town. soon the elephants come out and immedietly one of them begins to eye the man. at the end of the act the elephant walks up to the man and extends his trunk. the man steps on board and is lifted into the air. the elephant then grabs the mans feet and slaps him to the groud repeatedly like a fly swatter.
turns out it was a different elephant.
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From: Somewhere near the back of beyond
Here's a few more!! 
Q: How do you top a car?
A: You tep on the brake, tupid!
* * * *
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains of the west when Tonto dismounts his horse and puts his ear to the ground.
Lone Ranger ask him "What is it Tonto?".
Tonto replies, "Buffalo come"
Lone Ranger asks, "And you can hear them?"
Tonto stands and replies, "No, ear sticky".
* * * *
Want to hear a dirty joke?
John fell in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
John took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl who lives next door.
* * * *
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean Beef
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef
Q: How do you top a car?
A: You tep on the brake, tupid!
* * * *
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains of the west when Tonto dismounts his horse and puts his ear to the ground.
Lone Ranger ask him "What is it Tonto?".
Tonto replies, "Buffalo come"
Lone Ranger asks, "And you can hear them?"
Tonto stands and replies, "No, ear sticky".
* * * *
Want to hear a dirty joke?
John fell in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
John took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl who lives next door.
* * * *
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean Beef
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 964
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From: Lancaster, PA
My favorite old joke ever:
Micky and Minnie mouse are in court to get a divorce.
Judge says "Mr. Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce simply because you think your wife may be mentally disabled"
Micky says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was &$*#(@ing Goofy!"
Micky and Minnie mouse are in court to get a divorce.
Judge says "Mr. Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce simply because you think your wife may be mentally disabled"
Micky says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was &$*#(@ing Goofy!"
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Posts: 964
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From: Lancaster, PA
A guy walks into the living room carrying a small sheep. He looks his wife square in the eyes and says "this is the pig I've been sleeping with"
Wife says "that's not a pig, you idiot..."
Man says "I wasn't talking to you..."
_______________________________________
What's the Opposite of a 'thinking cap'?
A cowboy hat...
Wife says "that's not a pig, you idiot..."
Man says "I wasn't talking to you..."
_______________________________________
What's the Opposite of a 'thinking cap'?
A cowboy hat...
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Posts: 984
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From: SW MO
Tonto and the Lone Ranger are camping out one night when suddenly the Lone Ranger is wide awake. He looks up to the stars, and immediatly wakes Tonto.
"Tonto, look up. What do you see?".
"Stars", replies Tonto.
"...and what does that tell you."
Tonto begins a reply about phiosophical, astrological, astronimical, among other lengthy explainations for the positions of the stars.
Finally, the Lone Ranger smacks Tonto in the side of the head, and says, "No, you idiot. Someone stole our tent".
"Tonto, look up. What do you see?".
"Stars", replies Tonto.
"...and what does that tell you."
Tonto begins a reply about phiosophical, astrological, astronimical, among other lengthy explainations for the positions of the stars.
Finally, the Lone Ranger smacks Tonto in the side of the head, and says, "No, you idiot. Someone stole our tent".
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Posts: 19
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From: Carson, WA
a man walks into a bar and sets a suitcase down next to him. after a few drinks, the bartender can't take it anymore and asks what's inside. the man opens the suitcase and takes out a tiny grand piano which he places on the bar. next a little man, about a foot tall comes out. he is dressed in a tuxedo and begins playing beautiful music. the bartender is amazed and askes the man where he got it. "i was digging around my attic and found a lamp. when i rubbed it a genie came out and offered me any wish i wanted." the bartender said, "and you wished for a 12 inch pianist?" ............. not exactly.
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Originally posted by nsweeney
a man walks into a bar and sets a suitcase down next to him. after a few drinks, the bartender can't take it anymore and asks what's inside. the man opens the suitcase and takes out a tiny grand piano which he places on the bar. next a little man, about a foot tall comes out. he is dressed in a tuxedo and begins playing beautiful music. the bartender is amazed and askes the man where he got it. "i was digging around my attic and found a lamp. when i rubbed it a genie came out and offered me any wish i wanted." the bartender said, "and you wished for a 12 inch pianist?" ............. not exactly.
a man walks into a bar and sets a suitcase down next to him. after a few drinks, the bartender can't take it anymore and asks what's inside. the man opens the suitcase and takes out a tiny grand piano which he places on the bar. next a little man, about a foot tall comes out. he is dressed in a tuxedo and begins playing beautiful music. the bartender is amazed and askes the man where he got it. "i was digging around my attic and found a lamp. when i rubbed it a genie came out and offered me any wish i wanted." the bartender said, "and you wished for a 12 inch pianist?" ............. not exactly.
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From: Susquehanna Valley, pa.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. no idea ( no eye deer)
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. still no idea.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs mating with another deer?
A. still no f#cking idea.
A. no idea ( no eye deer)
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. still no idea.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs mating with another deer?
A. still no f#cking idea.
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Posts: 984
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From: SW MO
A man walks into a bar, and orders 20 shots of the most expensive whiskey. The bartender lines them up, and man knocks them back 1 after another.
The bartender says, "that was quick" to which the guy responds, "you have drink quick when you've got what I"ve got."
The bartender quickly asks what the man has.
The man says, "$1.25".
The bartender says, "that was quick" to which the guy responds, "you have drink quick when you've got what I"ve got."
The bartender quickly asks what the man has.
The man says, "$1.25".