What do you do with a 15 yr old who will not complete their school work and not turn it in? I have taken away all privelages and have set a few goals, but still has no affect. I know drugs are not involved, so dont go there. Its all attitude and "I don't know". My question is what to do now?

 

A good ole fashion butt whooping.

 

It really works in your favor if your kid doesn't like disappointing you. If they dont care your in for a rough ride.

 

Find out why the lack of motivation, and fix that. Taking stuff away might just make your kid want to do less.

 

coming from a 15 year old who has been there.... Small rewards they might appreciate, or making them feel bad about what they have done. (that really hits home) and tell them what they are in for if they fail. ask, "do you want to be a failure on the side of the road?" that also really says something if you back it up with the im not going to help if you dont try... but, all kids are different, so it may or may not work, and this close to the end of the school year i can understand the frustration...

 

I like this answer! Always worked with me and my dad. Thing is, he and my mother started this when I was in pampers. So, I always knew there would be dire consequences for any misbehavior that warranted a good whoopin'!

But trust me....THIS I know for sure, and I'm not saying the OP is guilty: You can't raise 'em like little princes and princesses whose poopy smells like roses all their lives, and then try to jerk a knot in 'em when their in their teens. It won't work. Not possible.

What privileges have you taken away, and what privileges does he still enjoy? Stiil have his phone? Internet access? TV?

 

I was grounded for a month around 11 or 12, this was one of many punishments during that month.
we had about 2 feet of rocks around 70% of the house so rain water would not tear up the flower bed. I was fortunate enough to get to pick up every single rock and put into a wagon so i could pick the weeds, and then put the rocks back. Took me a few days, that was the last time i did something stupid.

Sitting in my room did nothing, make him do something he will royally hate.

 

Right. - Never believed in being cruel to them, for any reason.

Helped them, instead.

 

My 11 yr old is the same way. We found out by awarding him helps better. Taking away things he likes to do on his time made it worse. We also put him on a time line. If he doesn't finish his homework in a certain time, he doesn't get his award.

 

That to me seems like the best approach. If you give him something to work for he has a reason to do it and probably feel rewarded at the end.

 

There is a good chance that the kid just simply doesn't understand the work he/she is supposed to be doing. No amount of butt whipping will change that either.

The reward thing can work, but you have to be careful with it. You don't want the kid throwing a fit because he didn't get to go to Disneyland for every time he didn't poop his pants. Something like an hour of honest homework time earns 15 minutes of video games or something. The other thing is the quality of his/her work shouldn't be the "biggest" part of this journey at first. What you are looking for is their BEST effort.

Make a contract with him/her that is payable at the end of the school year if there is significant improvement. Have a back up lesser reward for lesser results. Most important BE THERE TO HELP.

After a few sessions with the kid you might even find out there is some other issue, like needs glasses, hearing issues, or even mild dyslexia. I would certianly hope not the last one.

I worked with a guy that was slightly dyslexic (as a carpenter) and you wouldn't know it. But the thing with him was he couldn't cut a piece of wood without facing where it went if it required more than one measurement on it.

Good luck and keep us posted

 

Everybody's situation is different and it's easy to give advice. Luckily, all I had to do was help. No reward or bribe. Not sure I could do that in good conscience.

The reward I could see was within themselves and their accomplishments; built confidence. Learning through school and at times, with the help of parents or perhaps another adult.

But unfortunately and very common, -it's not that easy. Physical harm teaches them the wrong thing, some never completely pull through that. Cruelty is a cowards way to teach and an easy out for some.

Learning difficulties that are extreme often require an outside source to intervene. There's many out there for this very thing.

There's allot of levels to this and it's by no means easy with half of them. You are the parent, this is your job and responsibility. You have to put the time into it. Asking for help, anywhere is a great start. Don't quit asking and most of all don't give up.

 

Emmmm....we'll talk in a minute.

True, true, TRUE! Ya gotta make sure the kid understands what he's doing before you can do much disciplining.

Earlier, I guess I got all caught up in my parents' 'cruelty' toward me as a child () that I forgot about the reward part.

That's good incentive as well. My parents rewarded me when I went above and beyond, and it made me want to do it more often! Wanna know why? Give ya a hint.... *pssstt...it wasn't the reward that motivated me so much!* It was the amazing feeling that a kid gets when he knows that he's made his folks proud!

Absolutely! Believe it or not and in spite of all of their barbarism, my folks were always there to help me. Whatever your disciplinary views are, they won't mean squat if you're not there for them when they need you.

Woooooaaaahhh there, 'Brewski! Hang on just a second there. You talkin' 'bout my mama?? Don't you talk 'bout my mama!!

Seriously, lumping every parent who believes in and practices corporal punishment (a.k.a. whoopin's) in a category and labeling them cowards?? Nah...that dog won't hunt, my friend.

Now, if you're referring to folks who literally beat their kids unmercifully for every little offense, you and I can agree here, and you need not read further.

There's a right way and a wrong way to do anything. My parents? They got it right. We didn't get a whoopin' (for those who don't know, this is the term that we Southerners use for 'spanking') for every little thing we did 'wrong'. And never, under ANY circumstances, did the whoopin's land anywhere but the butt.

What did it teach me? I'm glad you asked! It taught me that there are consequences for my actions, and as the perniciousness of my behavior increased, so did the consequences. Guess what. In life, that's just the way it is.

I believe a lot of what's wrong with the younger generation today is that they never learned this lesson. They don't know how to react when they screw up in the real world, and they get more than just their rewards for being a good boy or girl taken away. There's a definite sense of entitlement among them, and I wonder where they got it?

Anyway, and in closing, I got whoopin's when I needed them, and I got by without one when I deserved it a few times. A few of the whoopin's, I still remember. Does that mean I'm scarred? Did I become a child abuser, animal molester, serial rapist, or mass murderer? Hell no! Give me a break! It means that they did their job, and today, I'm thankful for EVERYTHING my parents did for my raising. I worship the ground those two precious people walk on, and anything that is 'wrong' with me today is MY fault...not theirs!

My parents? Yeah, they got it right.

P.S. 'Brewski, I still love ya no matter what!

 

A little defensive aren't yuh D ? So beat your kids, it's alright. Hey, they may even turn out okay.

Sorry, I'll never support that. Can't do it man.

 

Not tryin' to convince ya to support it. Just trying to show you that there is a VAST difference between 'beating' and 'whoopin' (spanking). VAST!!

And defensive?? No, not at all. Nice try, though! Just trying to relate the opinions from the 'dark side'.