about as awkward as a one legged man in an azz kicking contest

 

"When you were a kid I bet your bath toys were a toaster and a
radio." ~Dangerfield

"My wife made me join a bridge club. Next Tuesday is when I jump." ~Dangerfield

"When I was a kid we were so poor--well if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!" ~Dangerfield

"We came. We saw. We kicked it's a$$" ~Murray

and of course...."Those words mean so much to a man who scrubs garbage cans" ~Murray

 

"The price of Greatness is Responsibility"-Winston Churchill

"Joke 'em if they can't take a ****"-Robin Williams, Good Morning Vietnam

"-------(my name), You're about as subtle as a Louisville Slugger to the forehead"-MGS Reef on my first eval in the MSG Battalion

 

its raining like a cow pissen on a flat rock

you're about 2 beers shy of a six pack

***** said the queen, if I had 2 i'd be king




BREW

 

Remember how long thou hast been putting off these things, and how often thou hast received an opportunity from the gods, and yet dost not use it. Thou must now at last perceive of what universe thou art a part, and of what administrator of the universe thy existence is an efflux, and that a limit of time is fixed for thee, which if thou dost not use for clearing away the clouds from thy mind, it will go and thou wilt go, and it will never return.

Marcus Aurelius
AD 167

 

What we call the beginning is often the end. To Make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
T.S. Elliot

 

Favorite movie quotes

If you don't chew big red, then f^ck you!

Shake-n-Bake baby!!

Does that blow your mind, cuz that just happened! -Ricky Bobby

You have a dirty whoreish mouth.

I don't know if you heard me counting, but I did over a thousand. -Ron Burgandy

I'll call it the Derik Zoolander Institute for kids who can't read good very well.

My friends died in a freak gasoline fight incident. -Derik Zoolander

 

Thehe quote that is bolded about is the best quote ever!!! haha... LMAO

 

"What is your major malfunction ********!?"
"You are all equally pieces of amphibian ****"
"I like you, hell you can come over and **** my sister anytime"

FMJ, ya I like that movie lol

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning" Apcoalypse Now

"They came, they saw, they turned around" Wagons Ho

 

Mom! The meatloaf! F*ck!

I've got a pool. And a pond. Pond'd be good for you.

Hey neighbor, where are you gonna fit a tree that big? Bend over and I'll show ya!

Hey ****, don't tell them you're jewish, I think they're restricted.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

 

don't start a pissing match with a skunk. ( as quoted by several generations of my family)

old age is not for sissies.

 

or at the red river take the dirt road

 

I have enough to fill 5-6 pages in this thread! I'll try to limit myself to just a few. . .

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Only little boys wear bowties.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do, a woman must do what he can't.

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!!

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me.

Of course: Silly boys, trucks are for girls.

And possibly my all time favorite: How can we teach logic in a world where everyone talks about the sun setting when it's really the horizon rising?

 

"It's easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission"

 

In no particular order


But Vader has so many more great ones..