The joke thread... Tell your best here
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Joined: Dec 2004
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From: Lost some where in the middle of the Ozark Mountains!
Originally Posted by 01 XLT Sport
Sorry about that bro. I knew I read that somewhere and it was funny as hell. I just couldn't remember if I read it here or from something at work... 
No problem... It was funny and I had already forgot about it or I would have posted it here too.
I love this thread, I have a new joke ot two or three to tell every day now!
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Joined: May 2004
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From: Sunny FL
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 434
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From: Colorado
A man comes home to find his wife's suitcases on the bed, and her packing them.
He asks her what she's doing? She says,"I'm sick and tired of you. After wasting the last five years of my life with you, I've decided to move to Las Vegas. At least there, I can get $150.00 for what I'm giving you for free.
The man grabs another suit case, and starts loading in his clothes. She asks him what he's doing. He reply's, "Well heck, I want to see how you are going to survive on $300.00 a year!"
He asks her what she's doing? She says,"I'm sick and tired of you. After wasting the last five years of my life with you, I've decided to move to Las Vegas. At least there, I can get $150.00 for what I'm giving you for free.
The man grabs another suit case, and starts loading in his clothes. She asks him what he's doing. He reply's, "Well heck, I want to see how you are going to survive on $300.00 a year!"
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From: Vancouver
A large company decided to hire a new CEO to give it a boost as the company staock was doing poorly.
The new CEO on the first plant tour wanted to make an impression that he was a hard nosed S O B. So as he is touring with the vice president, he comes across a guy leaning against the wall while every one was working hard. The new CEO looks at the young man and asks how much do you make? A little surprised the young man replies $300 a week.
The CEO hands him $1200.00 and starts Yelling" you lazy son of a bitch,
Here is 4 weeks pay . Now get out of here."
Feeling good about himself the CEO asks does any one know that goof off?"
From across the room a voice answers...Pizza delivery guy from domino's.
The new CEO on the first plant tour wanted to make an impression that he was a hard nosed S O B. So as he is touring with the vice president, he comes across a guy leaning against the wall while every one was working hard. The new CEO looks at the young man and asks how much do you make? A little surprised the young man replies $300 a week.
The CEO hands him $1200.00 and starts Yelling" you lazy son of a bitch,
Here is 4 weeks pay . Now get out of here."
Feeling good about himself the CEO asks does any one know that goof off?"
From across the room a voice answers...Pizza delivery guy from domino's.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,336
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From: Your moms house
Originally Posted by jpdadeo
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
I love that, cause it's prolly true.
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Joined: Sep 2004
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From: Paragould Arkansas
Originally Posted by wstahlm80
I really hope that is not your best shot 3V...
Yeah, I'm really dumb, slow, and stupid.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a mop.
Last edited by 3valve; Aug 3, 2005 at 10:05 AM.
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From: Paragould Arkansas
A female bank teller was behind her counter when a man walks in wearing a mask. He walks up to her carrying a cup full of man juice. He holds a gun to her head and makes her drink it.
Then the man raises his mask and says "See honey, it's not that bad!"
Then the man raises his mask and says "See honey, it's not that bad!"
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From: Bolton, MS
Two friends were out one day playing golf. After teeing off, they noticed they were way off the green. One was on the left and one was on the right. They decided to go and find their ball and then meet up at the hole.
The first guy finds his ball in the middle of a large patch of Buttercups. He takes out his club and hits at it about 7 times, missing the ball and ruining the whole patch of flowers. Out of nowhere, Mother Nature appears and tells him that since he has ruined this patch of flowers, that the taste of butter will never pass his lips again. The guy picked up his ball and started walking to the hole when he realized his buddy was still missing. He calls out to him asking him where he is. His buddy responds, "I just found my ball in a patch of ******* Willows." The first guy yells out, "DON'T SWING, DON'T SWING!!"
The first guy finds his ball in the middle of a large patch of Buttercups. He takes out his club and hits at it about 7 times, missing the ball and ruining the whole patch of flowers. Out of nowhere, Mother Nature appears and tells him that since he has ruined this patch of flowers, that the taste of butter will never pass his lips again. The guy picked up his ball and started walking to the hole when he realized his buddy was still missing. He calls out to him asking him where he is. His buddy responds, "I just found my ball in a patch of ******* Willows." The first guy yells out, "DON'T SWING, DON'T SWING!!"
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,336
Likes: 1
From: Your moms house
Originally Posted by Monkey-1
Two friends were out one day playing golf. After teeing off, they noticed they were way off the green. One was on the left and one was on the right. They decided to go and find their ball and then meet up at the hole.
The first guy finds his ball in the middle of a large patch of Buttercups. He takes out his club and hits at it about 7 times, missing the ball and ruining the whole patch of flowers. Out of nowhere, Mother Nature appears and tells him that since he has ruined this patch of flowers, that the taste of butter will never pass his lips again. The guy picked up his ball and started walking to the hole when he realized his buddy was still missing. He calls out to him asking him where he is. His buddy responds, "I just found my ball in a patch of ******* Willows." The first guy yells out, "DON'T SWING, DON'T SWING!!"
The first guy finds his ball in the middle of a large patch of Buttercups. He takes out his club and hits at it about 7 times, missing the ball and ruining the whole patch of flowers. Out of nowhere, Mother Nature appears and tells him that since he has ruined this patch of flowers, that the taste of butter will never pass his lips again. The guy picked up his ball and started walking to the hole when he realized his buddy was still missing. He calls out to him asking him where he is. His buddy responds, "I just found my ball in a patch of ******* Willows." The first guy yells out, "DON'T SWING, DON'T SWING!!"
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Joined: Jan 2003
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From: Texas
A redneck comes home the first time after enlisting in the army.
His Dad asked " So how was Boot Camp?" and his son replied (with a country drawl)...... " Well Daddy it was kinda strange. One day they put a backpack on us and put us all on a plane and flew up reeeel high,then this big ole black Sergeant stood up, opened tha door and started yellin fer us ta jump, and tha other guys started jumpin!!! When I wus the only one left, tha Sgt started yellin at me ta jump, and I said I aint Jumpin!!
Well daddy, that big ole man unzipped his pants, pulled out his big ole ******* and said "Boy if you don't jump, I'm gonna stick this up your Butt!!
His daddy said "So did you Jump?" and the son said "Only for the first minute or two then it wasnt so bad".
His Dad asked " So how was Boot Camp?" and his son replied (with a country drawl)...... " Well Daddy it was kinda strange. One day they put a backpack on us and put us all on a plane and flew up reeeel high,then this big ole black Sergeant stood up, opened tha door and started yellin fer us ta jump, and tha other guys started jumpin!!! When I wus the only one left, tha Sgt started yellin at me ta jump, and I said I aint Jumpin!!
Well daddy, that big ole man unzipped his pants, pulled out his big ole ******* and said "Boy if you don't jump, I'm gonna stick this up your Butt!!
His daddy said "So did you Jump?" and the son said "Only for the first minute or two then it wasnt so bad".
