JD,

I always Duck.....Sure beats getting the roof Scratched.......


If Men Evolved From Monkeys And Apes, How Come We Still Have Monkeys And Apes?


I guess I should explain my last post....Mike Barnicle wrote for the Boston Globe for many years and was, many times over the years accused of making up stories and people to write about......but because he was a bleeding heart liberal and the Globe (owned by the NEW YORK TIMES) was just as liberal he got away with it......Well, Mr. B got a little lazy one day and instead of writing a column he just copied a few pages out of George Carlins Book....The Globe tried to let it slide but they had just fired a woman writer for pretty much the same thing.......and of course people from around the country got hold of the story because of the big name.......its a running joke in these parts

 

You do that too, huh? LOL! Before I got a smaller CB antenna, I would knock it off every time when entering a parking garage. Of course it scared the bejesus out me each time, like I didn't know it was up there.,,,,98

 

Ever see a big pothole you can't avoid, and pull up on the steering wheel?

I've tried this quite a few times, and I'm still failing at trying to lift the front end of my 5000 lb truck into the air. Always worked on dirt bikes!

 

The main reason Santa is SO Jolly is: He knows where all the Bad Girls Live.

 

ever seen someone ride in a van for the first time. every time you pull up close to something they're trying to back peddle right through the seat because they think your gonna hit it.

 

your not just supposed to duck, that's why they put handles on the a posts so you can pull the roof down while ducking. helps if you have a friend for the passenger side though

 

Married people don't live longer.....It Just Seems Longer

 

so....

36 replies would indicate a fair number of clost Cliff Claven's on this board


following 98Screamers thought, if drive is the second most used position (after park) why isnt it second on the gear selector?

 

Maybe it's because the only people who have circular driveways, don't usually drive themselves? hehehe,,,,98

 

You ever wonder why they call them a a pair of pants and yet a bra is singular?

 

Running to stay in shape is just like racing your engine on a cold day. It doesn't make it stronger or prolong its life. It still dies a slow death.

 

JD

On that subject they (we) also say a "pants leg" when we refer to one, should we also refer to single side of a bra as "bra boob"?

 

OMG these are funny...

Following on from the Van thing, I think it's funny when you're driving along in a car with dual air bags, and the car infront slams their brakes on and you have to stop too. The passenger goes into panic mode and puts their foot against the dash. I'm thinking, "hang on a sec, if we DID hit and the air bag went off, your leg would be somewhere around the back of your head...."

That's so true about the ducking thing. I do that too! We don't have multi-storey car parks here but if there's a tree hanging down over the road and it hits the antenna or the roof I'm always ducking down...

When I was back in the UK and had to go on a double decker bus, I always made a point of sitting at the back because you'd get some real solid tree branches smack into them front windows. Got on one and where the window had actually cracked. I guess that's why I do it.

I also find it hilarious when people state the obvious. I always remember this comedy sketch I heard...

"I was driving along the highway in my truck and had my left front tire go flat. So I pulled slowly into the gas station. The attendant came up and asked helpfully "Tire go flat?" - I said "Nope... was drivin along and I dunno.. I guess the heat must-a swelled the other three up!"

Love warning labels too:

On a curling iron: Do not insert into any orifice. What kinda sick perversion caused that one?

On a hair dryer: Do not use while in the shower. Well if you can't seperate the idea of getting your hair wet, and drying it, then maybe electrocution ain't so bad afterall.

On a Batman childrens cape: Does not enable wearer to fly. Go on, just ruin a child-hood fantasy with that disclaimer

On the bottom of a coke bottle in certain countries: Open other end. Are you serious?

On the bottom of a cake from a supermarket: Do not turn upside down. Too late - you lose!

Crisp (Chips for you US people) packet: Win £10,000 - No purchase necessary - details inside. The Shop-lifters special......

These are all I can remember right now...

 

Just read this one on a package of light bulbs.

To save energy costs, find the bulbs with the light output you need, then choose the one with the lowest watts

Why would you even look for a bulb with the output you need, if you're going to buy the one with the lowest watts?? Sounds kind of dumb to me

 

Why is it we park in a driveway - and drive on a parkway?

How come sheep don't shrink when they get wet?

Why is it called RUSH hour?

How come I've seen a SLOW deer crossing sign - never fast deer?

How come we say - I don't mean to critisize - but then do anyway?

rr