So here is the short version of what I am currently going through... I am getting a divorce after not quite 2 years of marriage. My wife never would put forth any effort in the marriage and I was tired of doing it all, so when she told me she was tired and wanted out I could only agree. In the couple weeks prior to this, she had bumped into an old high school friend and his wife. Said friend moves his wife and kids down south and he stays back to sell the house. He has taken my future ex "out for drinks" where they closed the bars down. Twice, when I was waiting for my new place to open up and I was sleeping on the couch, she was out until after 6am with him. They have continued to spend a lot of time together, he has even picked up her kids from school on at least one occasion. They've taken day trips out of town together bringing one of my step children. Basically none of it looks good, but I haven't caught them red-handed so to speak.

So my question involves his wife, I have her contact info through facebook. I have had conflicting advice on weather or not I should tell her. On one hand I think she has a right to know, and I am the only one that is in a position to tell her. On the other, I have never met her or their kids, or him for that matter. Plus my ex is currently amicable and willing to negotiate and is being very reasonable with the divorce, if word makes it back to her that I am telling her all this, I am worried my ex may get ticked and start being difficult.

So do I tell her or not?

 

Wow that's a tuff one.

How about go to your future ex and just tell her to knock it off untill she is through with you, if she gives you any guff then spill the beans.

My first reaction was to rat her out. The way I see it is she is being a sleeze and making your life suck, plus what is she doing to the other woman and her kids. IDK just sounds pretty selfish on her part.

Good luck with this one.

 

First off do you have any kids with her? If no, then you really have nothing to lose.

If you are separated, then you have essentially terminated your relationship with her, so I don't see it as cheating on you. On the other hand if this guy has a family, I don't see an issue with spilling the beans on him...if you have nothing to lose.

I don't know what your financial status is or whatnot. If you've been only married a couple years and have no real estate with her and no children then it should be a pretty clean split and there isn't much she can do to make your life problematic.

I would however get to a divorce attorney and get things going if I were you. If it is over, pull the trigger and get on with your life.

If you have kids with her then I would try to fix things as the alternative is tough on everyone.

Either way...Good Luck!!!

 

Let her go, man. It would seem clear she has her sights on the future Mr. ex-wife-of-BennyHanna BabyDaddy. That'll be amongst the three of them.

Take the higher road, keep your dignity through the process.

If everything is going smoothly on your exit strategy now, you don't want to do anything to change her position.

 

it's over between you two, so who are you to care what (or who) she does, maybe you can hope she gets herpies or the clap or somthing

 

2 things

1. Seems you were over with the Ex before it was official, so the post makes it sound as if you could really care less what she is doing, you might just have some issue with who ( and the who part focused on the married part ).

2. Why did you look up the guy's wife ?
You said you don't know her, why go looking for her ? Nothing good can come of this action.
What is going on might not be anything more than close friends, and he is helping her through what is going on ( could be, you have not caught them ), so you contacting this guy's wife could be misread.

What would you tell her anyways?
What they are doing ? She might know and be OK with it, and all you would be telling her is what is in this post, which is really nothing.
You seem to lean towards there is more going on that just being friends, but that says more about you not him. You think only the worse could be happening.

 

As an old dog I used to work with would say, "there ain't nothing but --- after 3 AM." With that said, I do have to kind of agree with K-Mac. If you don't have anything that would cause a continued relationship (alimony, kids, etc.) leave it alone for now. If you have something that will cause a continued relationship I would just keep my mouth shut and wouldn't do this next part. Maybe when everything is settled let it slip that you have evidence and perhaps you should let the dog's wife know. Don't do anything with any information you might have, but let it slip. It'll give her an "oh crap moment". Even if she plays it off, it will stay in the back of her mind. As for the dog who's married, he will continue to fool around on his wife until he is caught. Of course his wife might not really care, different relationships for different people.

 

follow her around and find the red hand. then tell her. if not, keep it under wraps

 

Not knowing the WHOLE situation kinda leaves this thread open. IF there is the possibility of negotiating you to keep more assets and can shove some liabilities on her (I.e. a large mortgage payment you can't afford alone) by all means, get some evidence and use it against her in negotiating. Alot of states don't look kindly on cheating parties and also have "alienation of affection" laws. People make the most mistakes when "love" is involved. Do you honestly think this guy will stick around once the house is sold?

DEFINITELY choosing to tell the other guys wife is a big line to cross. If you choose to, make sure you have solid evidence first. But women can be stupid (just as much as men) when love is involved and she might take him back or not care. Just offer up what you have (preferably anonimously) and move on. Good luck.

 

We were supposed to be working on things and the relationship wasn't over when she started going out with this guy. First couple times she went out with him, she lied about it. I didn't catch her in the lie until later.

Secondly, its not a case of old close friends. They hadn't seen each other in over 10 years and then started "hanging out" quite often.

We do have 2 kids together. Fixing things is not an option either. The fix for this is divorce. I have already got the ball rolling so to speak. As far as the cheating goes, I really could care less about what she is doing now, even though it started when we were supposed to be together.

Well said....

I guess something I should have added is that my step kids have been calling me and complaining about this new guy. They don't like him around at all. More specifically my 10yo step daughter calls him weird and that she cant stand the way he acts, etc. So I would like this guy to take a long walk off a short pier so to speak. The kids don't need any more stress and confusion in their life and this guy is a major cause of it. Unfortunately, my ex doesn't see it this way.

I left town for a few weeks and she let me take my kids with and has agreed to virtually everything I have asked for in the divorce. So I don't really want to upset her, but still get this guy away from my step kids, mainly because he'll be around when my kids go back with her.

 

I disagree. I think once your finalize your divorce, then his wife needs to know that her husband is running around on her. Nothing good can come from that...not telling her would be unfair.

 

Well you may have an emotional bond to the step kids but no legal claim. Since you have 2 kids in the mix as well, that makes things sticky.

I wouldn't do anything to rock the boat until your divorce is over. Even then you need to be careful.

Married or not, whether you like it, you are still tied to this woman forever since you have kids together.

Tough one. I wish you and your kids well!

 

I agree. Once everything is in writing and settled on your end, let the poor woman know, anonymously. It is her right to know if her husband is messing around.

 

IMO, the priorities should be:

1) Take care of your kids
2) Get the divorce finalized

As for telling the other guy's wife, I say don't. That's between him and his wife.

Unless of course he screws with you on 1) and 2) above. Then I'd consider it, but as was noted before, that's a big line to cross.

If the soon to be ex- is amenable to giving you the terms you want in the divorce, I'd absolutely get that locked in before you start playing with fire.

Basically, take the high road until you are absolutely forced off of it.

 

I rat her out big time!!! then kick her *** out and burn her clothes, but thats just me.. If i were you i'd wait until all is settled then rat out whomever you please.