So I just need to vent and ask yalls opinion, to catch everybody up to speed where this is coming from, last week my older brother had to go to court for charges that a classmate filed with the police for Sexual Harassment. When all this started they kicked him out of his RA position and would not allow him to stay on campus. My father asked me to allow him to move in with me and my wife for a few weeks because we had a loft in our apartment. I told him that we couldnt do it because we were already tight on money with our rent and it would put to much pressure on us with having another person and him not having a job at the moment. Well that made my parents upset along with my brother.....Well when he went to court everything was dismissed because the lady was a nut job. Well then my dad called me the other day and asked me if he could come stay again just for a few days. I talked to my wife and we said no again, well now my dad wont answer my calls, my brother texted me and said "thanks for letting your wife tear you away from your family" which got her all upset. Along with that he said he never wanted me to ask him for anything nor would he ever ask me for a favor again. He said he had never liked my wife after what happened when we first started dating 4 years ago..and everytime we see each other he criticizes me about why I do this and why I do that or this or that is stupid.........so why would I let him stay?? My in-laws told me that right after they got married and had another room everybody wanted to try and move in and that seems to be happening since we've had the loft.

Sorry about the vent!

Am I in the wrong for not letting him come stay again?

I tell my wife we are our own family and then our families come next...apparently it doesnt seem that way to others.

Thanks to all

 

Yes you are wrong, to me, then again you are not me. lucky you.

 

It depends, I dont wanna sounds like an a** hole but does your brother get in trouble often? and if he does, does he expect other people to take care of his problems for him while he sits on his ***? cause if he does your in the right otherwise if this is the first time he needed your help then your in the wrong completely and you should have allowed him to stay but you need to make rules for him. I am just saying this cause I grew up with four brothers and being the second oldest I have had to deal with a lot. When I would get into trouble I would deal with it on my own and not ask for help cause its my problem but no my little brother seems to digging himself into holes and expects everyone to help him while he sits on his ***.

 

Just reading what you posted and not knowing more details, if it was my brother I would have at least let him stay the few days he needed after the case was dismissed. I could understand the financial situation and burden of any long term stay, but a few days until he gets back on his feet, c'mon...

Sounds like he got screwed by this student and now needs to put his school and living situation back together, which happen to be directly related. That would take a little time I would think.

Christmas Dinner with the family is going to be about as comfortable as a root canal this year. I would let someone else drink the egg nog first.

 

Is this the whole story?
Does your dad supplement your income or subsistance in any way?
If not, then your dad was out of line. I won't comment on the brother.

You provide for your bride.
You consult your bride, come to agreement with her on matters after discussion.
No one else lays claim, has an opinion, develops an entitlement...
End of Story. [ married 32 years]


Anything you provide outside of that small circle of you and her, is CHARITY.
And no one should question how much charity you provide, much less develop an attitude about the lack thereof.

 

if he had no job to go to, why didnt he move back in with Mom & dad?

you're an adult, he's an adult

you are not his keeper.


I think you are the right here.

 

I don't think you were wrong for not allowing your brother to move in with you, as it was for an undetermined amount of time and could have had a detrimental impact on the dyamics of your immediate family.

However, I think you were WAY off-base on not allowing your dad to stay with you for a visit. It sounded like it was going to be a short stay (a few days?) and any stress it put on your living arrangement would have been modest at best.

Call your old man, tell him you made a mistake, and tell him he would be welcome to stay at your place for his short visit.......

 

^^^x2 on Raoul

 

While I'll agree with you telling your brother no (it'd end up being a whole lot longer than just a few days, I'm sure), I cannot understand why you wouldn't let your father visit for a few days..

 

I think you miss-read....
The dad was politicing for the brother yet again.

 

^^^ Raul breaking it down barney style

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. I prolly would have done the same thing if money was tight. You're out on your own and have bills to pay. You shouldn't have to bring ANYONE in that isn't going to be able to help out a little bit.
Why didn't he move back in with your mom and dad? Do they live in a different state?

 

Look on the bright side, think of all the money you will be saving by not having to buy your family any gifts this Christmas.

 

Nope, you, wife and kids before the rest. I've had a similiar situation with my wife's family and we are better off 'cause we said no.

 

X2 on Raoul and MTM asked a really good question "Why didn't he move back in with your mom and dad? Do they live in a different state?"

If your parents are out of state and if it was so important to your dad, why didn't your dad offer some $$ to help (with food and utilities) while your brother stayed with you?