Cowboy's Point of View...

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin.'

 

What's the difference between a skunk in the road and a lawer in the road?





















There's skid marks in front of the skunk

 

Whats the definition of confusion?









A bus load of blind lesbians at a fish processing factory!

 

 

Only Kenyans:

• Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving relatives.
• Think all their economic and social problems are caused by “Moi” when in fact some have never been to school.
• Think that taking clerical job in a company is better and “cooler” than toiling in their parents’ family business.
• Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya.
• Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to parliament.
• Have a chief Justice who has no law degree!
• Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to bankroll them when calamity strikes.
• Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in a ramshackle at breakneck speed to certain death.

Maybe Obama just can't help himself. It's in his genes.

Original link is here: http://www.vichekesho.blogspot.com/2...an-lakini.html

 

10 Simple Rules for dating my daughter


Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or Happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tells me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

^^^ Also, I'm an expert at laying snares and traps on my property, watch your step.

 

#10 reminds me of my ex-girlfriends father. The first time I picked her up, he made me talk to him before we left. He sat there cleaning his 9mm pistol. The funny thing is he forgot to put the recoil spring back in. Took all the effort in the world for me to not laugh at him as I was watching this
.

 

 

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

 

^^^^^




Here is one I've seen before, but maybe someone will get a laugh
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My one day as Wal Mart greeter
Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I have
probably become a little less sensitive.So after landing
my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many
retirees, I lasted less than a day.About two hours into
my first day on the job a very loud,unattractive,mean-acting
woman walked into the store with her two kids,
cursing and
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning,
and welcome to Wal-Mart.Nice children you have there, are they
twins? The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no,they ain't
twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other
one's 7.Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you
blind,or just stupid?'So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor
stupid,Madam;I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
My supervisor said I probably just wasn't cut out for this
line of work.

 

A penguins driving down the road and started to have car trouble. He stops at the nearest service station to get it looked at. Just so happens theres an ice cream shop across the street. Mechanic says "I'll have her back to good in about an hour" Penguin says "OK, I'm going to have an ice cream cone, I'll be back". Since the penguin doesnt have fingers, it is awfully hard to eat the ice cream and ends up slopping it all over himself. He goes back to the service station after an hour and the mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says "Naw, it's just ice cream"

 

^^^^goot one! lol

 

A husband comes home and finds his wife wearing lingerie and holding a rope.
she says, "tie me up and do what you want."

The husband says ok, has sex with her sister and went golfing...

 

^^^^^haha simple goodness.