Just wondering who here has gone through a divorce? I guess since I started this I will go first. I have been trying to work things out with my wife for a while now, but she keeps going out (works at a bar ) and never coming home. We have two young children 4yoa boy and 2 yoa daughter. I have tried everything to make this work but she has suffered from depression and admits she needs help, but stops after one or two sessions. In the past year she has cracked up the jeep, passed out in parking lots and somtimes never makes it home in time to watch the kids so I can go to work. I finally have had it with pain she has caused and guess I just needed to vent, but wanted to know from others what to expect.

Thanks for the vent

 

Sounds like your wife and my ex are cut from the same stock. My ex was boinking everyone in town but me. Left me with a 2 and 6 year old. Oh well, it cost me 7K, but I kept my house. Lost my boat, camper, other toys, but got custody of the children. A freind asked me what happened, I told him it was due to religion- I was protestant, she was Satan. ----->

 

I told him it was due to religion- I was protestant, she was Satan. ----->[/QUOTE]


I will use that one, thanks for the laugh.

 

Just hang in there...there will be some rough water ahead, but TRUST me when I say that it does get better. You can at least look yourself in the mirror and hold your head high.

 

Been there. Done that. Lost the t-shirt.

Best to move on. Not only for your sake, but for the kids'. What if she were to have them with her during one of those "episodes"?

It hurts for a while, but you will get over it.

 

This may be bad advice for you, but it works well for me (and I am not nor have I ever been divorced)

When she gets outta line, I go what my employees like to call straight up gangsta. I'll tell her to look around. You see all this chit you have. Keep this chit up and you're goin out that door, without my Navigator, without my kids, without those credit cards I pay, as a matter of a fact the only thing you're leaving with is a God D___ bus ticket I'll pay for so you can go and live with your mother cause I hate that Biatch too.

And then she straightens up and all is well

But remember, it do3esn' work for everyone

 

That's some gangsta isht right there fo' sho!

 

Just go Indian and join the SlapAHoe Tribe.

 

If you’re seriously considering divorce you need to get some things in line QUICKLY!!!

First thing you need to do is document some of her problems as far as her depression, not getting home on time and basically at times neglecting your kids. You need to speak to a lawyer QUICKLY and get to court FIRST!!!

If you go through with it you need to get your butt in court NOW and get an emergency custody order for your kids in which you are the primary custodian.

Failure to do that or act quickly could mean your wife gets the kids and most everything else and your stuck with all the bills and EXPENSIVIE child support payments for a LONG time…

You might even want to consider going to a counselor yourself, by yourself without your wife, to document your concerns, especially your concerns regarding your children. It’s documentation you can use in court to help your case to be the primary custodian of your children.

I don’t know your situation but if what you say is basically how its playing out you have to forget about you and your wife and put your children FIRST, they are your PRIORITY, they have to be thought about first, it is their well being that MUST come first and foremost…

Unless your proactive most courts will always give the children to the mother no matter how screwed up she is. If she is first to court you will always be on defense and you will just about always lose. Divorce court has NOTHING to do with the truth and has EVERYTHING to do with emotions. If she gets there first and can turn the tears on and off at will it’s all over for you my friend.

Divorce court is all about the drama, the court could care less about any facts the defense may have (second person to court) If your first you’re the offense and its pretty much your game to lose…

 

A little more seriously though, in a true gangsta method, the first thing you should do is to very quietly take all the things that are paid for and sell them to your dad, or mom, or someone trustworthy. Sell them your car for a buck. Title it in their name and continue to drive it as normal. If you have a substantial savings account, write pops a check for 80% of it before you tell the wife what you're doing. (any authorized account user can write a check at any time for any reason) Interview all of the best divorce lawyers begore you tell her about it. That way, when she goes to talk to some of the good ones, they've already talked to you and won't take her case for the ethical reason. Then, once you've gotten everything in order so that even in a worst case scenario where you take it up the azz w/o vaseline, you still have money and cars at your disposal that she can't touch.

Like I said, true gangsta (and just to tell you I ain't shizzitin about this, when I bought my explorer a few months back, my wifes head was up her azz as well, so its in my dads name)

Keep it real......

 

Oh man! LOL - I'm likin' this guy more and more with every suggestion!

 

A lady I work with did that to her ex. Got to keep the car obviously.

Ever seen the Sopranos, Tony's a gangsta, he did it.

 

I'm probably the least help but I am not feeling so great about life right now due to a bad relationship as well. There is just no more spark, too much arguing, losing attraction, horrible invisible "guidelines" which make it hard to hang out with friends and talk to ANY person of the opposite sex. I am having trouble ending it, it's the same girl in my gallery, been with her for over a year and I just can't take it anymore. Too young to be tied down and am really starting to feel it. God forbid she reads this. I'm 18 so obviously it's not divorce related, but it is love and I think there is a common understanding with love, it affects just about everyone. Hope I'm not derailing your thread, I too am looking for advice from the SlapAHoe tribe.

 

They say life is too short, but I'm here to tell ya that it's the longest thing you'll ever do. Do what what have to do to spend the majority of it being happy. It's best for everyone. It's OK to quit something to get happy.

Navi, I like you, man, but you must be married to one insecure, not so smart, woman. And that don't say much for your choosing ablities. If you talked that ***** to most of the women I know, they be carrying your ***** around in their purse. You best watch yo back, gangsta man.

 

Honestly, she is very smart. I took her from a dysfunctional family of sorts (they are all retards if you ask me) and gave her everything she ever wanted. (within 3 years of marriage) I will admit that I have been extremely fortunate so far in my life. I work for my dad, I make more than just about anyone else my age. (on average, though there are a plenty that make more than I do my age)

Normally, I wouldn't post this, but I will reminding you all that I carry a glock Here is a picture of my wife. (hint, she ain't wearing white)



Now, onto some serious talk. (also, I don't give advice. This is not advice, this is just, um, something you saw on a board. For the purposes of keeping my players card, I didn't write this, somebody stole my account info and wrote it under my name)

For those of you with marital problems, there are several select ways to *feel* out the situation and determine where to go from there. There is always the afore mentioned gangsta way and then there is the I don't want to pay child support or alimony way. A conversation I had with my wife when things went south involved the lack of enthusiasm, spark, sex, whatever else. We had a serious heart to heart one night, and I told her that marriage doesn't involve me riding up on a white horse nightly to save her fromt he days troubles. I told her she has to realize that I deal with the same shiat every day, and when I get home I leave that crap at the door and pick it up the next morning on my way out. I don't bring it home and drag it out on her or the kids. Sure, we all come home in a foul mood once in a while and snap at every comment. One of our worst fights was because I sent her to the store to get me a can of Skoal peach, and she came back with green apple. That lit my fuse and sent me off the deep end. I brought down the hellfire, not because she got the wrong one, but because she knew she got the wrong one and was to damn lazy to go to another store and get the right one. When she asks me for something, I'd drive until I found it, bar none. In return, she knows thats what I expect. I have never, nor will I ever physically touch my wife during such an altercation (though I should be considered a card carrying member of the slapahoe tribe)

I guess what I am trying to say is to Jdaddy. Dude, you need to sit her down (I don't believe in therapists, they are crap in a $300 wrapper) and have a serious heart to heart. Tell her how you feel, and tell her what you are prepared to do. (read: look, if this chit don't get better, I am leaving you, taking the kids, the cars, the money, and everything else that isn't bolted down and if you think you're depressed now wait till you're paying me child support since you're neglecting our kids like this) One thing that is key though, is to make sure everything you say involves words like out, us, we, etc. and not I and you. Make it a concerted effort to make her understand you won't be unhappy like this forever becuase she can't work out her problems. I would suggest (read: I don't give advice, but if I were you I'd...)
that you get her to quit that job at the bar. It may cuase some shorterm hardships monetarily, but to save a marriage it would be worth it. She can get another job doing something else (even if it's just waiting tables at a high class resturant, high class being key) It is absolutely necassary to cut out the problematic areas. I used to hit the bar after work several times a week with some of the guys from work. That was mistake #1, mistake #2 was coming home drunk. I realized it, cut that **** out, and things got 100x better.

Bottom line. Talk about it. Cut out bad schitt. Be serious, be considerate, but be firm. Draw a line in the sand, and if it comes down to divorce try and make a last ditch effort with gangsta style threats of leaving before actually doing it. I realize that I am just some guy on a board about trucks, but when I read this thread I thought, damn this could be a page out of my life had I posted it.

If you wanna talk about it, let me know. I am always glad to help a brotha out when I can. My *thoughts* (read: not advice) may or may not be worth a damn, but the bottom line is I'll try and help you out, and your friends and family will be none the wiser since I am just some dude online.

Best of Luck
Brett