Had to many words, had to cut one thing out.

18 year old guy, thats not for you. I got married at 21, had my first child shortly therafter. At 18, 98% of the time she probably won't be the right one. Especially considering that you've only been together a year. There's alot of fish in the sea my friend, so shop the entire pool before choosing just one.

 

It sounds from what I read that she needs you more than ever rather than you leaving. Nobody said it would be easy.

I've been divorced but it was because I caught her in the sack with a guy. That will really screw a man up. At least I got custody of my daughter. Now my ex is a deadbeat mom. Story at 11.

 

Navi, I like you even more, now.

She's a beaut, bra.

 

Do you feel like you'll ever be the same (i.e. able to trust someone, etc.). Did you expect it in the least bit (things weren't going good, etc). My heart goes out to you and whoever else has has that happen, that has to be the worst thing you can do to your significant other. PM me if you don't want to post it on the board.

 

hide as much money as you can, divorce is expensive, but its cuz its cheaper, or, if u really wanna go gangsta, have her whacked for half of waht a divorce would cost (disclaimer: i would like to note here that this was a joke, intended only for the amusement of all parties reading it, it is by no means an actual suggestion, i dont not recommend or condone such behavior), got that out of the way.... i got off somewhat easy, never made it to marriage, but my kids mom hit the courts before i didn on custody, and i had to go through 4 years of lawyers, and driving to a court that is an hour and a half away, child protective services, court appointed guardian ad litem's, child support, the whole 9 yards, i had physical custody for about a year and a half before i got a hearing to have child support dropped (had a custody battle in one county, and an attempt at terminating her rights in another), so first come first serve, get it done man. also, pray EVERY DAY, religious or not, stay close to your family, as they will provide u with all of the support u need...

EDIT for forgetfulness- when my son was 5 months old, i found out his mom cheated on me, and that he might not be mine, her sister told me. i got the dna test promptly to make sure that she couldnt tell the courts he wasnt mine, and try to take him away... THAT my friend, is f'ed up. and if anyone on here is wondering about their children in a way like that, paternity test is like 650, best money i ever spent. i dont know what i would have done if he wasnt mine

 

Thanks buddy

 

Huh... nice twist on this thread. And I always though Navi was kind of a jackarse. I have a newfound respect for a fellow member now... kudos to you Navi and your wisdom.

 

I've only been here a day or so, but I've been single now for, oh, 15 days since my divorce was finalized a couple weeks ago (thank you, thank you...)

My advice would be to not try to work it out if she's not making a concerted effort with you. You're going to waste time, money, and get your heart smashed to sh*t as you constantly put forth the effort to save something that she has no interest in saving. Counselors work for some, but it's not going to work on someone who doesn't care. Not to mention, when it's all said and done, you're going to look back and wonder where the hell your dignity went... Some couples save marriages, but it takes both people to work on it, you're not gonna keep her by chasing and convincing her to change her ways.

Then, make sure you document everything, like someone else mentioned here. When you make claims in court they're going to want you to back them up. You're lawyer will give you more ideas on how to collect information... On that same note, *watch everything you do*, as she can be collecting information too... simple sh*t can look bad if she successfully presents it in the wrong light...

Finally, as someone else mentioned, get to a lawyer fast and start using the system to slap her around. In my divorce, I had complete control... I set the rules, I practically wrote the divorce decree. I was able to be fair (I have two little girls, and their mom really is a good mom) and ensure that I didn't get the raw end of the deal. Had she been a complete bio*ch, I could have taken everything. I have 50/50 custody, a fair child support amount (so I'm not supporting her, just my kids) and I kept everything that was mine.

It's a tough time, dude, but keep your head high and try to eliminate *emotion* from your rational thought process.. Try to look at your situation as a co-worker looking from the outside in, and you'll be able to see things going on more clearly. I wish someone would have told me that as I chased/begged/convinced my ex to stay and work on it...

good luck, man.

 

Congrats for getting through that war. Some good advice presented in this thread, I'll have to remember it 15 years down the road when I've got my 4 children and want to high tail it to mehico without a crazy woman.

 

Well, you know, we all have a part to play. I don't often show that end of it (like I said, I need my players card in my wallet) but when there is a brother in need I can rise to the occasion. I listen well, and I respond (read: I don't give advice, I just respond) with what I'd consider doing.

Like I said, any of yall just need someone to vent to, even if you don't want a response my email is stang99x@yahoo.com Fire away!

 

98Navi, you're my hero.

 

Do NOT in any way give a HINT that you might leave her or divorce her UNLESS you have already filed to begin the divorce.

As I stated before and I can just about guarantee you if she goes to court first and files for divorce kiss your @ss and the vast majority of your money good-bye for a VERY LONG time…

 

Yeah, and if you can pay some stud to seduce her and tape it without her knowledge before you file for divorce, it's like virtually hiring a mob hit...

But that would be underhanded and I can't condone it...


publicly.

 

Yay!

 

"i would never divorce her
i'd kill her before i'd divorce her"

frank burns m*a*s*h*


...zap!