As far as the yes/no sir, yes/no ma'am goes, I believe it is from what part of the country you are from. Being from Jersey it is rare that you ever hear those words spoken by a child. I believe that if a child is respectful in all other ways, such as please and thank you, that is what is important.

 

Ma'am is a word you hear from the south and southwest. When I lived in OKC you always heard Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am. A girl I once worked with in NY said when she was in OKC she didn't like being called Ma'am. Said it made her feel old. I told her it wasn't said to make her feel old, it was said to be polite.

 

I once said ma'am to my grandma when I was a kid, she got angry at me and said don't ever call her that again.
The other day I was on the phone ordering parts from a guy, not sure where he was from, but he kept calling me sir. By the end of the phone call, it was actually starting to **** me off.
Around here, if you say sir or ma'am, it usually comes across as sarcasm, not respect.

 

...and I generally find Canadians to be far more polite than my fellow Americans. Sir and Ma'am as sarcasm? Wow. That's a new one on me.

 

Well, you certainly don't hear "yes/no sir, yes/no ma'am" around these parts, mostly because the dominant language here is Spanish.

 

I never expected my kids to say "Sir" and "Ma'am", it always seemed to formal and stuffy for me. I like a nice relaxed atmosphere at home. I did, however, teach my children respect for others and they both know how to say "Please" and "Thank-you". They have good manners, maybe not exemplary but a darned sight better than a lot of kids out there.

Little story: We went to a restaurant once many years ago with both boys. They were about ages 4 and 9 at the time. As we sat enjoying our dinner an elderly couple finished their food and got up to leave the restaurant. As they passed our table the lady stopped and said "I want to complement you on the behavior of your children, it's not often you see kids behaving so well in a restaurant these days." I was stunned but very pleased at the complement, I guess I did something right!

 

Having respect for someone and addressing them as sir are two different things. I respect my dad and always will but I was never expected to call him sir. You can call someone sir and still not respect them one bit. Sir is just a word. Sure, it makes you feel all good inside but it's still just a word. Actions show respect, not words.

 

Gotta' disagree with you buddy. Sir is not just a word, it is a discipline. In a world where my wife's friend moved her refrigerator into the garage to keep her 5 year old from breaking eggs all over the floor, there is much need for discipline. That goes against a basic philosphy of mine: Re-arrange the kid for the house, not the house for the kid. Granted, toddlers need a baby proof house, and things like guns and matches should never be left laying around, but at 5, a child should know better.






Not to brag on my kids, but I do hear that often also, and it's one of the best complements I think that a parent can be given.

 

Well, my kiddo's don't use sir unless they are in trouble. I have a really good relationship with my kids. I am the boss, and they know that. Sometimes that forget, but it doesn't take me long to remind them. I am a very strict father, but I am also fair. I don't expect to hear sir every time they speak to me, but I do expect it when speaking to other adults.

The problem I'm having is proper table manners. That's been a real challenge.

I could use some tips.

DO NOT Smack - I hate smacking.
Drink, don't gulp.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
Use your fork and spoon, not your fingers.
Sit in your chair and eat. Don't walk across the dining room while you eat. (that chaps my hide)

 

Tell them a little story about a guy that had no manners. Say, "once upon a time on Rudy's parking lot............." That story will teach them some manners for sure!

 

My kids are young 6 & 3 and I don't require sir or ma'am. Now they hear me using it when addressing strangers but I'm not cracking down on them about it. They always use Mr or Mrs, please, thank you, excuse me, etc. I agree with Karen that daily use of sir and ma'am is too formal for my home. However, they see it used and understand respect is required.

I'm bragging too now...when I take my kids out to stores, restaurants, other homes, etc I am constantly complimented on their behavior. You cant help but at least inside. I see how other kids behave and am more proud of them all the time.

There was an instance when they were exceptionally well behaved when they could have really cut loose because other kids were. When we left I didn't say anything to them....drove them to Toys R Us....pulled in the lot, turned around handled them both 20 bucks and told them ...."I was really proud of your behavior today...you guys were great...I want you to know I notice and it is appreciated...you take this money and buy whatever you want with it you guys deserve it."

It wasn't a bribe but a reward....this type of thing happens rarely because I don't want them expecting payment for good behavior but occasionally they need to be rewarded for it.

 

I see why it was so easy for your fiance to walk over you soo soon.

 

Wow, that actually made me tear up (maybe it's the hormones) but what a great way to recognize their behavior!

I agree with the others that "sir" and "ma'am" are too formal for my home but the "Please's" and "Thank you's" are a necessity.... and you do NOT talk back, chew with your mouth open, play at the dinner table... bla bla bla

 

yea well an hour later they were probably at home....fighting over their new toys.

They go from to in the blink of an eye...but I still love 'em

 

I was raised by a couple of southern hippies. But one thing they taught me was real good manners. I have carried those with me every where I go and can tell you they have helped in life situations more than once. I have tried to pass this to my daughter. She has picked it up on her own for the most part with only a few reminders. She is soon to be 7. She got used to seeing me open doors for the family and other people well, she started running to the door to open it. It wound up she would knock me almost down to get to the door. I had to explain the dynamics of a gentleman and well, I let her open doors every so often just becuse she enjoys it.

We are constantly getting comliments on her behavior and manners. Her teacher says she has never had a child say Thank You every time she gets a paper. The teacher sais its so nice she has began to make all the other kids say it. When I was in school we had to say it, but thats another thread. I will say that she does call me by my first name a lot. I guess she hears my wife say it so often. Its wierd but it doesn't bother me at all, but sometimes we argue in public (we're like two kids really) and it sounds like I am the evil step dad, so I had to curb that for dad in public.