x2....

on me (BTW its just soda )

 

I hope that my link helped a little...

Now is when he is gonna need you even more. Good job taking responsiblity for your friend. Follow it through to the end.

Q

 

Find a local AA meeting and buy him a Big Book. ($5-$6) Give it to him and tell him he's not allowed to read it. Also write the local AA hotline number inside the front cover. At this point only he can take the next step.

 

Can you geet any help from the VA. Maybe get him into a VA hospital if he has no insurance. Just a thought.

 

Great job Buck, as mentioned by Rocky AA is a good program. Sounds like you will be the lead person in his life long recovery. If you can, go to meetings with him your support will continue to be very important. After many Alcoholics "dry out" they feel so much better that they think they can now "handle" and control drinking again. This is a vicious cycle. Stick with him, get his family involved, show him life is great without the Booze. Good luck, your a very good man.

 

You are an honorable man for helping out a friend and I commend you.
I hope you friend has the intestinal fortitude to come out of this in a positive way. Hope he understand what a friend he has, and I am sure his daughter is ever so greatful.

 

Buck-

I saw this thread minutes after you originally posted it. It brought back a lot of memories for me. A few good ones, and a whole lot of bad ones.

I have been writing this post for about 4 days. I have edited, re-edited, then edited again.

First and foremost, I want you to know that you are doing the right thing.

You are an awesome friend and a great man for doing what you've done...

HOWEVER...

I feel that you have NO IDEA what is ahead of you. This is a HUGE undertaking. If you think your buddy was pissed originally, just wait. Over the next few months, maybe even years, your friend will have NO CONTROL over his emotions. He WILL take this out on you. He will be as happy as a school boy one minute, keeping up with bills, chores, work, friends, etc, and just as fast as that happened, he'll be as pissed at the world as ever. He will take it out on you because you are his vice. You 'helped' him out of his problem, and subconsciously he will hold this against you forever, no matter how well his life turns out, or how hard he tries to hide it.

YOU will be the one he thinks of and is pissed at when someone cuts him off in traffic. YOU will be the one on he thinks of when the bill collector calls. YOU will be the one he thinks of when he buys his first 6 pack...and hopefully, YOU will be the one he calls to thank when he is drunk and crying.

Buck, don't take these actions as personal. This comes from a place so far down in his soul that he can't control it, nor does he know he is doing it at the time.

I think AA is a bad idea right now. I would wait a few weeks. He is not ready. There is WAAAY too much talk of drinking at AA. AA is a good program...for SOME people, but there are too many second chances offered with no regrets.

I sincerely hope and pray to God that both of you have strength to deal with what is ahead of yall. I also pray that your other relationships are strong enough to support this...EVERYONE will feel this through you.

No matter what you do...and I hope you understand this...NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO...it is up to him to change. Most people won't, and don't, pull out of this.

Keep us updated.

God Bless You Buckdropper.

 

Ditto on going with him to the meetings. Even if neither of you speak to anyone for the first several meetings.

Ditto again on alcoholics thinking they can handle drinking again...the vast majority of them cannot and will not be able to touch a drink again without eventually slipping back into old habits.

As far as getting his family involved...I don't know. That may work for him, but it can be the worst thing EVER for some others. You know him better than we do. You decide.

Good post rmills!!!!!!!!

 

First everyone thanks and i am no one special just a friend and thats what friends do right?. I have been down this road before so thanks TUFF my wife's dad passed at 49 from drinking. I did not know him well at that time and it was forever ago. I understand what your saying tuff and i will remember what you have said and use your thoughts as tools to deal with what's ahead. I have checked with the VA and yes they will accept him into a program. My wife's sister is a nurse at the VA in d/a abuse center and she has already begun the paperwork to get him into a program. I am ready for what's ahead I've done some homework but i am sure it will be frustrating some days but i will not let it go. If i have to move in his home for a time i will do what it takes. My wife is behind me all the way as she is all to familiar with what happened to her dad. He could not be saved or did not want to be but i feel i have intervened at the right time and there is always hope and thats all thats needed. There is no way and i mean no way he is going down that road again without me his brothers, daughters standing there blocking his path daily. Thanks all i will keep you updated as to his success!!. I tried to see him today and they will not let me in until he goes through detox first, maybe thats best. Thanks matt that was a needed reply and really helps. vader, rocky, brew, rose and all the rest of you thanks. Funny thing his ex-wife called me this morning and wanted to say thank you and i just hung up on her ***, what a *** clown she is...

 

Wow, you've done a great thing, Jim. Everyone should have a friend like you.
I agree that not allowing visitors until he is through detox is the best possible thing. Right now, he will have a lot on his mind and the sight of you might set him off, either crying or fighting, but no matter what it would be very hard on him.

You have done all you can for now. Give him some time alone and rest up, you've likely got a long and bumpy road ahead of you.

Best of luck, my prayers are for you and your friend..
-Travis

 

You 'da man buck. Keep up the good work. Guys like you give me hope that maybe this world isn't the giant chithole I think it is.

<--- Not really appropriate, but still funny.

 

Hey Buck...remember, that when the going gets tough for you, we are all here for ya. Hang tough man. Keep us updated. If you need anything, my email is always open.


BREW

 

Well people i just got a disturbing phone call here at work. This close friend of mine died in his sleep during the night . I sit here replaying all that i did to help my friend and i have failed him miserably. His son just called and told me he tried to wake him and he was dead. This is really playing hard on my heart. I never seen it coming, (tuff you were right man). It seems he drank himself into alcohol poisoning and died of heart failure. My god how things change in a day. I have no words to explain what happened. I visited him each morning after work and only missed 2 days last week. He must have been hiding it because his kids said they never seen him drinking. His son is devastated as are his 3 daughters. I can only hope that this is read by someone whom is abusing this **** and they find a new path to walk down. I don't know where i went wrong i watched him for any signs took him to meeting every week and now this...... 52 years old and now he is dead man can it get any worse than today.... thanks all for the help...

PS: we were to go out in the boat i just bought this week for some fishing and just to enjoy..... dam it.

Jim

 

Hey Jim,
I haven't been following this, as a matter of fact I just ran across this this morning (which wouldn't have happened had this post not bumped it back to the top, I was just browsing). It's absolutely tragic that your friend passed, especially the way it came about happening, but - I want to reassure you that in no way is it your fault, or did you do anything wrong. When I was growing up, for different periods in my life both of my parents were alcoholics, my dad was before I can remember (he's also 20 years older than my mother), so I didn't get to experience any of that - but my mother was an alcholic from before the time I could drive up to about 20. It's very hard to rationalize with an alcoholic, and some people use their addictions, whether they're alcohol, drugs, or even gambling - to escape their lives. When someone loses something that means alot to them, in this case the catalyst seems to be the end of his marriage (if I read that wrong, sorry), and as I'm sure any male here can attest to, women and losing them can play dirty tricks in your mind, that hurt to no end - I'm sure even the toughest of the tough here have felt pain from the opposite sex that hurt them deeply, whether or not they'll admit it is up to them.

Anyway, my point is - having been around alcoholics most of my life, whether it's my parents, uncles, or people at the bars I used to work at, the one thing in common with people who've sank into their addictions so far as they sometimes do, it seems like the only thing left for them is to continue doing it, and it doesn't become that they don't care that they hurt the people who love them, it becomes that the continued abuse of their addiction keeps them from hurting, and sometimes the pain is bad enough that they feel like that's the best choice. I can almost assure you that, your friend having hidden his drinking these last few months from you and his family so well, meant he was ashamed of what he was doing - he didn't want you or his children to know because he didn't want you to be ashamed of him, and when people are that scared, that they might disappoint the last people that believe in them, they go through extraordinary lengths to conceal their actions, you shouldn't feel badly that you didn't pick up on what was going on, neither should his children. You've exceeded what 90% of peoples 'friends' would do, the truth is - most 'friends' are just acquaintances, and are only in the friendship until it gets less than convenient do so. You've taken time out of your life, to help your friend through his hard times, I promise you that he knew you were trying to help, and I promise you that he, as well as anyone who reads this thread, knew you did more than even most people would. He was lucky to have a friend as caring and dedicated as you are, we should all be so lucky. I hope you don't beat yourself up over your loss, I'm truly sorry that your friend passed but, what you have to try not to forget is you at least cared enough to try.

Good luck, man

 

My condolences my friend....

You're a good man and did all you could. Some people can't be saved and some don't want to be saved. You can't hold yourself responsible in ANY way.
You were a great friend to him. When you work through the grief I hope you realize you were nothing but a positive influence in his life.

I know that doesn't mean much from a faceless Internet account but it is none the less true.

You take care....