Here's my joke...

The Marines say "Hoorah"

The Army says "Hooah"

The Navy says "Hooyah"

And the Air Force says "RETREAT"

 

Went to a gun show last weekend, they had a table full of French Army rifles.

Sign said "Like New, Only Dropped Once"

 

Anyone know why the Air Force uses liquid soap in the showers?





anyone?




anyone?





It takes longer to pick up!

 

OH Snap rltripp... never heard that one... that's freaking hillarious...

 

It kinda goes along with the (enter branch of choice here, I like to use Navy) motto....."Never leave your buddy's behind"

 

Bwwwaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---Wooooooo.

That's funny right there, I don't care who you are...

 

Do you kmow why the Navy invented the Marine Corps???



They needed dance partners on the long cruises

 

now THATS funny

 

THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE ARMY:

A Private saying, "I learned this in boot camp...."
A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..."
A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
and a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this *****..."

 

 

A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of *****. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of *****?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of *****, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of *****, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough ***** to build an officer"

 

 

Submarines Are Safer Than Aircraft .....

The Proof In This Fact Is That There Are More Aircraft In The Water Than Submarines In The Sky.

 

^^^^ but the subs are full of seamen.

 

This is a little long but its good.


General

Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

Colonel

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.

Lieutenant-Colonel

Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

Major

Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

Captain

Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
Is run over by trains.
Barely clears outhouse.
Dog paddles.
Mumbles to self.

Lieutenant

Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
Recognizes trains two out of three times.
Runs into tall buildings.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant

Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.
Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
Plays in Mud puddles.
Studders.

Officer Cadet

Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
Says: "Look at choo choo!"
Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
Makes good boat anchor.
Mere existence makes God shudder.

Sergeant-Major

Catches hyper sonic armour peircing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.
Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.

Is God.