That's no lie- It's never the new CO or the new Colonel that you worry about.... It's the new 1st Sergeant or the new Sergeant Major that will make the tour a cake walk, or a living Hell.

When I was in 123rd SIG BN, we had a CSM that had soldiers scared to go to the chow-hall. If you went in there, and anything was wrong with your uniform- you had Soldier's School on Saturday... All day Saturday. Boots had to be spit-shined (Not polished), uniform pressed (not wrinkled), it better not be faded (Cook-whites is what they called them), anything that was supposed to be black, had-better be black (M-nu was your friend) *belt-buckle, eyes on your boots, etc.* Better be clean shaved, and if you had a mustache, it better be IAW AR 670-1. Women's hair better not be touching the collar, pants better not be too tight (Damm-you CSM!!), in other words- if you think you may be slacking, and you think CSM may be sitting at the front door- you might want to skip breakfast that day....

Unless you didn't have anything planned for Saturday...

 

Who's got the biggest ballz?

There was a French General, a Russian General and and American General. After dinner they had a discussion about which country's soldiers had the biggest ballz.

The French General said: The French soldier had the biggest ballz in the world. Watch this. (He called a French solder over.)
Soldier, I want you to climb that 20' platform, and I want you to jump off of it, do a back flip and a 360 degree spin and dive into that pool with no splash.
The soldier climbed the platform, and executed a perfect dive, no splash.

The Russian General said: Dat is notzing. Vatch dis.
Soldier, I vant chu to climb dat 30' platform, dive off into 720 degree backspin, with a 360 degree twist, and dive into zee vater, vit no splash.
The Russian soldier climbed, and executed the dive brilliantly. No splash. Even the French General was impressed.

The American General said: You think that took ballz, watch this. Come here soldier. The solder came over and snapped to attention.
The General said- Soldier, I want you to climb that 50' platform, dive off, and into a 1 and a 1/2 gainer, a 360 degree back flip, a 360 degree front flip, and I want you to land in this cup of water.

The soldier looked at the platform, then he looked at the cup. He looked again at the platform, then he looked at the cup. He put his middle finger in the General's face and said; "Fock-You, Sir- I'm not doing that *****." Executed an about-face, and left.

The American General looked at the other two Generals and said- "That soldier, gentlemen, has got some ballz."

 

That sounds like a pretty chicken ***** CSM. I got one of those right now. Nothing kills morale like jacked up leadership.

31C

 

I don't know if that's chicken*****. Appearance is a big part of soldiering. You must look professional at all times. Don't get me wrong, I don't put form over function, but- appearance counts...

Heck, Lt. Gen. Patton made his soldiers shine boots, and those in the admin roles had to wear neckties and helmets 24 x 7 in a war zone... I think it builds morale- especially knowing that your Sr. NCO expect professionalism from the enlisted, to a higher degree than most Field Grade officers expect from Jr. officers...

Professional soldiers can't walk around looking like Hawkeye & BJ Honeycutt.

 

this is an oldie but goodie. For anyone who has ever been a Specalist, or known a Specalist....you will understand






The Creed Of The Specialist



No one gets away with more than I. I am a non Non-commissioned Officer, a
beast of burden. As a junior enlisted soldier I realize that I am a member
of an under appreciated, much chastised group of soldiers which is known
as the ribcage, or perhaps pancreas, of the Army.

I am proud of myself and my fellow Specialists and will continue to bitch,
whine and sham until the absolute last second regardless of the mission at
hand. I will use my grade and position to avoid responsibility,
accountability and any sense of presence of mind.

Ignorance is my watchword. My two best excuses will always be on the tip
of my tongue "I didn't know," and "It wasn't me." I will strive to remain
invisible and unavailable for details. Never ever volunteer for anything
is my rallying cry.

I am aware of my role as a SPC and if you need me for anything, I'll be on
appointment. I know the other soldiers, and I will always refer to them by
their first name or in some cases a derogatory nickname. On weekends, or
days off I will consistently drink myself into oblivion, and I will never
answer my phone. I understand that for a person in my hierarchal position,
rewards are going to be few and far between, and punishment will always be
swift and severe.

Officers of my unit will have maximum time to accomplish their duties,
because I will be accomplishing them for them. I will kiss up to their
face and badmouth them behind their back, just like everyone else. I will be
loyal to those with whom I serve, provided that there's something in it
for me. I am the last bastion of common sense that stands as a wall between me
and the Army philosophy of "Work harder, not smarter." My voice is a tool
and my complaints are a weapon that I wield with unmatched skill and
finesse. I will not forget, nor will I allow my comrades to forget,
Specialist is the greatest rank in the Army. And rank has its privileges.

 

Yeah, I remember when Spec-4 and "Specialist" was the siht.

Then, by the time I made E-4, the toll became Officers, NCO's, then there was the E-4 & Below. When I first got to Wurzburg, E-4's pretty much ran the action on the line, and the NCO's backed them up. By Jan. 1989, Specialist was nothing more than a glorified PFC, which- although Jr. NCO by designation, no longer afforded any of the privliedges...

Now being a Corporal- that was a whole different story. I was a Corporal for 60-days, then came the words any soldier loves to hear:

Attention to orders: To all who shall see these presents, greeting Know ye, the Secretary of the Army, reposing special trust and confidence in the valor, confidence and fidelity, does hereby promote you to the rank of Sergeant E-5, effective 1 December 1993.... Soldiers of lesser rank are required to obey your orders; in return you accept responsibility for their actions... Given under my hand, in the city of Washington...

Followed by getting your rank slapped into your body (Both shoulders, or collar bones- depending on where the flaps fall) with no backs on the pins, by the CSM...

Loved it... Blood & all!

Hooah!

 

ahh..... the blood rank.
spc was the best rank.

 

An Iraqi soldier, a Mexican soldier, and an American soldier are sitting in the desert drinking a shot of whiskey. The Iraqi finishes his whiskey, throws his glass in the air and shoots the cup in mid air, looks at the other two guys and says, “Where I am from there is so much sand, we can make glasses all day long, we never drink from the same cup twice.” The Mexican finishes his drink and throws up his cup in the air, and shoots it in mid air and says, “Where I am from we make so many cheap glasses that I never drink from the same glass twice.” The American finishes his drink, throws his cup in the air and shoots the Mexican. He look at the Iraqi soldier and says, “Where I come from, there are so many Mexicans that I never drink with the same one twice.”

 

Thats my fav. I have seen it.

"Never fired only dropped once"

Either way. Still good.

The french are putting up trees at the border...

So the Germans can march in the shade.

 

I agree that looks are very important in the Army, but AR 670-1 lays out how a soldier should wear the uniform at all times. There are ways to excede the standard, but just because you choose to doesnt mean you have to force the others under you to (of course it is the Army so you can order those under you to do pretty much whatever). For example BDUs dont need to be starched and boots arent even supposed to be spit shinned (originally). I dont mean to sound like a dirt bag, because I love spit shinning my boots but I dont force anyone to do the same (just a good polish is exceptable)

Example of my CSM; he doesn't let anyone 'ranger roll' or block their covers. As he points out, it is a violation of AR-670-1, but at the same time he "peg legs" his pants, also a violation. We were on a road march once, and the CSM drove by in his SUV. He stopped next to a soilder (E6) who had about half a ranger roll and said 'Hows it going ranger?' Of course we were about 10 miles out and how our covers looked was one of the farthest things from our mind. Of course the E6 had no idea what he was talking about. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but I definatly would have handled it differenty (if I was the CSM).

31C

 

If you want to get technical......
The command (yes this includes the CSM) can "add to" but not "take away" from any AR. That includes requiring all of thier soldiers to "spit shine" thier boots, but they can't say that you don't have to shine boots. They have to at a minimum reflect light. The requirements for a haircut are for a minimum. The command can require all male soldiers to get a fresh haircut daily. It is unlikely, but it is a possibility.
Also, your CSM is in the wrong with the "peg legs" but then again he's the CSM, who's going to correct him. I wouldn't....my CSM does the same thing. I guess I just don't have the ***** to correct him.

 

Yeah, AR 670-1 leaves a lot open to interpretation, and, as Top used to say. "AR-670-1 is a guideline, a standard, a minimal expectation, in this unit- we will do more..."

So, needless to say, everywhere I went we had to spit shine boots and your uniform better be on point. I hated looking slouchy, so even my creases had creases, and I ironed my stuf every night- (Too cheap to do the laundry mat)... Plus, if you were "Standing tall & lookign good, you might just get a day off- so that was a major incentive!"

I had one 1SG, who hated us to block our soft caps, no one else made a big deal of it... 1SG Carvallho hated males to have what he called a "Ranger" hair cut. High-top fades were in in the early 90's, so many soldiers, black and white had their hair cut like that. It was military, and it was fly enough to wear to the club... Top called it a "fad" hair cut, and detested it. Someone made a big deal out of it, and top lost- so we got to keep our hair cuts. We peg-legged our pants... I stole so much "hundred mile and hour-tape" to keep my pants secured, it wasn't even funny...

Yeah, a lot of it was BS, but it was fun. I enjoyed it- my dumb **** reenlisted during desert-storm, that's how much I loved it. But, in the end- being married and not being home enough made me throw my BDU's in the duffle bag...

Now you guys have new BDU's, berets, I hear they are giving away Corporal, Sergeant and Staff Sergeant (E-4(P), E-5 & E-6) now-a-days. My buddy was stuck at E-5(p) and he got E-6 just for reenlisting... In my day, there were no give-away ranks.

Oh well, things look better and seem easier now, but- the mission is still difficult and even more dangerous because today you have to do more, with less. When I joined the Army in 1987, there were 780,000 soldiers, 300,000 of which were in Germany, as well as 700,000 sailors, 595,000 airmen, and 198,000 marines... Today, the Army is down to 480,000, still with a global mission... This number started dwindling right after Desert Sotrm (June 1991).

By the time I got out in 1996/1997- The Army had changed drastically. We used to wonder how we were going to get all the soldiers to the field to train in 1988-1989 (Too many troops, not enough seats, so we had a "stay-back" roster.); by the time I left, we wondered how we'd get all the equipment out there (Not enough soldiers to drive everything to the site.)


Company, Atten-tion
Fall-out.

 

rltripp & cia-agent;

You are both right. As I said your command can pretty much make you do what ever they want. I am just a little biased at CSMs right now since all three of mine (Squadron, Regiment, and Division level) are not very good. They are more worried about how soldiers look then their needs. Just not good for morale when your CSM is always on your back instead of asking you how your deployment is going or what could make it better. Oh well, life goes on.

31C

 

I hear ya...

I'm just glad CSM Plumley, wasn't my CSM! LOL
We Were Soldiers

 

I second that one. While my CSM could probabbly bench press me (and a couple other soldiers at the same time), he isn't near as scary as CSM Plumley.

"Good moornin' Seargean Major"

"How the he!! do you know what kind of God Damm mornin' it is? What are you, a F*%@N' weather man?"

I love that movie