Understanding Engineers
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 2,130
Likes: 1
From: Nawlins
Some other stupid one:
Since I'm ChE... our stupid little chem joke...
An Atom walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender goes, "What's wrong?" The Atom goes, "I think I lost an electron." Bar tender says, "Are you sure?" and the Atom says, "I'm positive"
Changing a Light Bulb
How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a second year subject.
How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Will this question be in the final examination?"
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
You might be a chemical engineer if:
- You have a favourite pump manufacturer
- You can size distillation columns in your head, but need a pencil and paper to figure the tip on a $45 restaurant bill ...and think that spending $45 for dinner is exorbitant
- You see a good design and still have to change it
- You think "cuddling" is simply an unproductive application of heat exchange
- You've ever considered installing a scrubber on your chimney
- You automatically associate the words "sexy," "beautiful" and "new butterfly valve"
- You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
- You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
- You cannot write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
- You think the value of a book is directly proportionate to the amount of tables, charts and graphs it contains
-You'd really like to have a T-shirt that says "Chemical Engineers Do It In Fluidised Beds" (And I've been searching too
)
- You think of the Carnot cycle everytime you turn on your AC unit.
- You explain surface tension to your 10 year old when they ask why you are adding oil to boiling spaghetti.
- You try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
And my favorite quote:
"Anything practical you learn in school will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use."
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Ingredients:
532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this
point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piecemeal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).
Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a
25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
Since I'm ChE... our stupid little chem joke...
An Atom walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender goes, "What's wrong?" The Atom goes, "I think I lost an electron." Bar tender says, "Are you sure?" and the Atom says, "I'm positive"
Changing a Light Bulb
How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a second year subject.
How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Will this question be in the final examination?"
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
You might be a chemical engineer if:
- You have a favourite pump manufacturer
- You can size distillation columns in your head, but need a pencil and paper to figure the tip on a $45 restaurant bill ...and think that spending $45 for dinner is exorbitant
- You see a good design and still have to change it
- You think "cuddling" is simply an unproductive application of heat exchange
- You've ever considered installing a scrubber on your chimney
- You automatically associate the words "sexy," "beautiful" and "new butterfly valve"
- You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
- You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
- You cannot write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
- You think the value of a book is directly proportionate to the amount of tables, charts and graphs it contains
-You'd really like to have a T-shirt that says "Chemical Engineers Do It In Fluidised Beds" (And I've been searching too
)- You think of the Carnot cycle everytime you turn on your AC unit.
- You explain surface tension to your 10 year old when they ask why you are adding oil to boiling spaghetti.
- You try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
And my favorite quote:
"Anything practical you learn in school will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use."
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Ingredients:
532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this
point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piecemeal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).
Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a
25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 2,130
Likes: 1
From: Nawlins
Comprehending Engineers - Take 2
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this mathematical problem.
In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said, "Never."
The physicist said, "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said, "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this mathematical problem.
In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said, "Never."
The physicist said, "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said, "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 891
Likes: 1
From: Lost some where in the middle of the Ozark Mountains!
Originally Posted by Kool Aid
What does any of this have to do with driving trains?
Wtf....
Wtf....
When I was like 4 years old I was in a pre-school. When we graduated they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up... I replied "An Engineer!" (I was thinking a Train Engineer.) They then asked me what an Engineer does. I thought to myself "Well they just drive a train don't they? But then I thought to myself, "Well if this lady has to ask me, then maybe there is more to it than that." So my reply was "I'm not sure but I'll find out when I get there."
Hmm maybe I am in the wrong carreer, thinking back that sounds more like a civil engineer answer than a train engineer.
I did not become a Train engineer either, not even in the industry. But I did get to drive a vintage fully restored 1937 steam engine for 1/4 mile last year!
I am the one you see in the Left hand window. My cousin ran ahead and took the pic then jumped on as we came by.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 891
Likes: 1
From: Lost some where in the middle of the Ozark Mountains!
Last fall we drove 6 hours to go to a harvesters meeting where they had a "0" gauge railroad with restored steam engines that they were giving "haunted" rides around a small track. It was a lot of fun... It was night when we drove up, but on the way back home we got lost but I spotted this along side the road and had to stop. This is what I was thinking about when I was 4 years old and wanted to drive a stinking train.
Yea buddy! Thats a steam engine now!
To put it into perspective that fence is about 8' tall. The wheels were taller than me. That telephone pole is only about 25 yards on the other side of the engine. It was an awesome piece of machinery!
Almost scary standing next to something that massive.
Yea buddy! Thats a steam engine now!
To put it into perspective that fence is about 8' tall. The wheels were taller than me. That telephone pole is only about 25 yards on the other side of the engine. It was an awesome piece of machinery!
Almost scary standing next to something that massive.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 378
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From: ???.....depends on the day
Originally Posted by KSUWildcat
No kidding! Were you with Missouri-Rolla? I didn't make the social, but it might have been O'Mally's or Rusty's. Aggieville will do that to you!
If you made the concrete canoe competition, I was the one on our team that sank the canoe. Me in front...
I freaking froze my **** off in that late April water!!
If you made the concrete canoe competition, I was the one on our team that sank the canoe. Me in front...
I freaking froze my **** off in that late April water!!
hahaha....I remember that....
I went to SIUE....we did not start our canoe program until the following year. I was the Captain of the Steel Bridge team....We were the ones with the "space truss":
