1) Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her

clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded
approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

2) To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.

3) A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes,
that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said," That's so

sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor
said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and
see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

4) What's the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

5) The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"

6) Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "It was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?

7) "Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."

8) An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

9) An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a be!
autiful princess, I'll stay with you for one week." The engineer took
the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and
that I'd do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a
talking frog......now that's cool.

 

That's a riot man, thanks for sharing.

 

Good stuff, LOL.

 

understanding engineers....


I have an Iron Ring... I am God!

 

I assume that the "Iron Ring" is similar to The Order of the Engineer here in the states.

 

Oh Hell YEAH ! ! !

 

yep. Yes it is stainless... but most still refer to it as iron.

 

Our Civil Engineering pub crawl T-shirts had the glass half full/empty quote on it, expect we crossed out " is twice as big as it needs to be" and replaced it with "needs a refill."

I don't remember how many refills I had though!

 

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

 

I miss the Pub Crawls.....I attended your campus back when you held the Mid-Continent Regional back in 2003....I can't remember the name of the bar that you guys held the "social" at.....but damn....I got so freakin drunk....I dont think I can ever top that beer drinking experience.....and thanks to the shot of tequilla my co-captain provided me towards the end of the beer-fest...I did not bring any of that beer back to the hotel.....for it stayed in the bar's parking lot (and parts of our rental van)....

 

No kidding! Were you with Missouri-Rolla? I didn't make the social, but it might have been O'Mally's or Rusty's. Aggieville will do that to you!

If you made the concrete canoe competition, I was the one on our team that sank the canoe. Me in front...


I freaking froze my **** off in that late April water!!

 

Well I can tell you one thing for sure and that is a good engineer is not a liberal…

Reason being is engineers do things based off as best, and most reliable, information and data they can get. They never make any decisions or do things based off “feelings”

 

HAHA
I need your engineers at my office then!


The place that has had the best engineers from my observation was a former employer of mine. When they hired a new engineer, They spent the first 6 months on the floor doing every job from, start of production to finish product out the door, for 1 week each. Those guys actually had the best, most reliable information and data available. It was called fundamental working experince.

 

NO you don't


I hear you there. We need to do that with our engineers. I mean come on electric motors is not rocket science. Sure some of them go in satellites, some go into the B-52 for fuel regulation, some go into rockets etc…

It seems like the new ones are going after patents. I go in and inform them that pursuing their interest in patents is costing me many seconds in production. For example a stupid idea for a patent may cost me 27 seconds in production. Therefore if it’s a process that took 215 seconds they just reduced our production capacity by 12.5% by increasing the cycle time from 215 seconds to 242 seconds.

Where I may have got 16.7pph (parts per hour) I am now getting 14.9pph. That is 14 fewer parts per 8 hour day, or 72 fewer parts per week, or 317 fewer parts per month, or 950 fewer parts per quarter, or 3802 fewer parts per year.

Don't even get me going with how many parts will be lost on overtime and Saturdays...

That’s a lot of got damn parts not getting manufactured for a stupid patent that ain’t making any body any damn money, WHERE IS MY GOT PART’S????

Sorry, just the Lean Manufacturing coming out in me…

 

No apologies needed, I'm with you. I deal with it daily.

Hmmm, from your description... I'm thinking probably a subsidary of Regal-Beloit or maybe Emerson?? Am I close?