Okay, just posting an update for ya'll. Maybe my post will help it sink in. After 4yrs and 3mo together, my girlfriend and I have separated. She says she needs 6months to solve her "identity" crisis. Ya'll may not believe that excuse, but trust me it's the truth. She needs to find herself. You know the saying, "you can't love anyone until you love yourself."

Anyway, that sucks. I told her I would wait 6 months if I had to, just to have a chance with her. Truth be told, I would do it if I knew we'd have a second chance. Unfortunately, there's no guarantees here.

The way I see it, I'll give her two months to change her mind. That'll give me time to convert the house into a bachelor pad and hone my skills. I was never real good at the dating game, so I can't imagine how awful I'm going to be after 4yrs. Fortunately I've got looks on my side and I'm hoping to be a more outgoing person than I use to be.

Comments? Your thoughs and/or opinions are welcomed.

UC

 

Aww, sorry to hear you guys aren't together anymore. I think it's sweet though that you're gonna wait for her. Did you agree that it's ok to date other people? I hope it all works out for you guys. :o

 

I understand the boat you're in... I've been through a similar instance but, the roles were slightly reversed. When all was settled and I had removed my head from my a$$, everything had changed and it wasn't going to happen. To this day it bugs me but, I understand also that it was probably for the best.

Hindsight is always 20/20. Don't let the pas obsruct what you might see in the future. Patience is very important. Best of luck bud.

RP

 

We didnt talk about dating. I know she won't be dating. She says she has no interest in the complications of a relationship and that's why she won't let us be together for now. She wants to keep things simple so she can sort herself out. I might ask before I start but I might not. What do you think? I suppose if I don't tell her, I become the bad guy eh? I dont want to be the bad guy.

 

Hope things work out for the two of you Urban, give her some space, but let her know your there for and available WHENEVER she may need to talk. You know how fickle us women are.
Blue

 

hope things work out...it aint over till its over...hang tough dude...if its not meant to be then..well its not..keep fighting if thats what you really want..and evaluate the BIG picture..all the best...zap!

 

Yeah, let her know that you'd like to socialize more with guys and girls. Don't really call it 'dating' because of the emotional state she is in, she might take it the wrong way. If I were you I'd still be open and let her know what's going on... so if she decides to continue the relationship with you, then she won't have any reason to mistrust you.

 

Yea, your right. Anyway, in my 25-yrs, I've never lived alone so maybe I'll find I like it. Who knows, stranger things have happened. Either way, It'll take a while to figure out what I really want to do in this situation. But I assure you, I'll be fine. I'm a tough cookie, it just sucks. I just wanted to give an update if anyone wondered what happened. Thank's Ya'll.

 

That's exactly what she wants, she wants you on a leash while she shops around for your replacement. If she can't find one, she will "TAKE YOU BACK" and you'll make up some story about making things work out just to make yourself feel better and to make the whole situation make sense. All the while she KNOWS she had you by the leash the entire time. If you wait those 6 months, you're in a lose-lose situation and she KNOWS it. No matter what happens, you get back together or break up in the 6 months, she wins & again, she knows it.

Completely sever relations with this person. You will regret it if you don't. If YOU tell her "It's over, permanently." you gain back your self respect & dignity and you can get on with your life. Go find someone who doesn't need to "find their inner person" or needs "their personal space" or needs "some time to work out some personal issues". Find someone who likes you for being you, not just because your available.

Just my opinion, take this with a grain of salt...

KC-10 FE out...

 

Agreed...Oh, and if you tell her you wanna see other people, then it opens the door for her to see other people, too...

 

UrbanCowboy; This is the other side of the coin speaking so forgive me. I never like to be the one whom speaks harshly but here goes. Wait 6 months??? are you nuts!!! get on with it man there's just way to much variety out there not to. After 6 months of waiting, what then maybe another 6 months ,mmmm not!!!. You are 25!!!! are you kidding me!!. I was just thinking what i would have been doing at 25 and it would not be waiting for anything. A long relationship like yours is one hard thing to get over but man go look around at what you have been missing ITS out there everywhere!!!. Now i hope this sinks in just a bit. Life is to short to wait you are young, handsome(according to you anyway ). So get up off your sorry azz and go get what you need. Thinking about it day in and day out will drive you up a wall or drinking or whatever. Do not sit around and just wait get back in the game you just may hit a home run!!! I do wish you much luck whatever you decide bro remember the T&A thread , think about it!!!! Get out there on the range and rustle something up that will make you happy.

 

Never would've guessed --is that a Yogi Bera quote?

Just messin with you bud...

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My contribution to the thread:

"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"--Garth Brooks

 

Well Cowboy, I'm sorry to hear that it's over. My thoughts on waiting for her...if your feelings for her are that strong and you think she'll come around I guess you could wait for her, I just hope you aren't just waiting around for a huge disappointment in the end. I would definitely tell her you are starting to see other women. If you don't tell her and she finds out later it will be bad news all the way around. Also, if she knows you're seeing others she might get a wee bit jealous, enough that her soul searching could come to an abrupt halt if she thinks she may lose you for good to someone else. If you want to wait her out that's your choice but man, you're 25 you're not dead. See other women, it doesn't have to be committed relationships, just a few casual dates, but don't quit life because you're waiting on something that may or may not ever happen.

 

well like tom leykis says women are like bus's if u miss this one just wait around and another one will be along in 15 min. it sux though she like comes up with such a bad excused after 4 years.. but i hope all goes well but if she dont get back with ya dont worry just means theres a better girl out there for ya

 

I'm in the same situation, bro. Except my relationship wasn't as long as yours before the "need to find herself" hit her. Depending on the circumstance this can be a valid reason for separation/time apart. In my situation we still treat each other the same.. she's still my angel and I'm still her baby. We just see less of each other because we both have issues with ourselves that need to be sorted out before we can be whole-heartedly with one another. This time apart is rough because I know that we feel exactly the same things for each other. We see "us" in the future. We want to take the time to do things the right way and not rush in. There is a four year gap in age between us, when we're together it doesn't seem that way, but there is some growing up that needs to be done on both parts, not just hers. She has my heart and will have it always, whether we're together or not, she'll always be a part of me. I make sure she knows that I am always there for her and will be by her side as long as she'll have me. Some people say that I am led too much by romanticism, but I wouldn't have it any other way. If you can see forever with her and you know that she feels the same for you, there is no shame in saving your heart for her. Depending on the situation with you two, let her know that you're gonna date around.. In my situation, I don't want anyone else.. this girl knocked the wind right out of me. I think it's beautiful/worth keeping when that happens. I don't know if this was helpful to you, but I needed to vent a little, so thanks