Things to know before moving down south
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Bighersh Alter-Ego
Joined: Nov 2003
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From: 33.02N / 96.66W
Things to know before moving down south
Subject: Fw: A Primer For "Outsiders" moving South
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> In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list should be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State. i.e. Texas, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Arkansas, Missouri, etc.
>
> 1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way!
>
> 3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.
>
> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle . We have a name for those little 13-inch Trout you fish for: BAIT !
>
> 6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.
>
> 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
>
> 9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into our house! It better be brown, bubbly, and served over ice!
>
> 11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar Combine that we only use two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
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> 13. We eat supper (dinner? we ate at noon) together with our families. We pray before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Sundays, and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
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> 14. We don't do "hurry up" real well.
>
> 15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with fatback or bacon and sometimes eat them with a smoked hog jowl.
>
> 16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.
>
> 17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.
>
> 18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas . That would be I-70 West.
>
> 19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
>
> 20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. You understand the concept?
>
> 21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
>
> 22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -His name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
>
> 23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your darn Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.
>
> 24. You burn an American Flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.
>
>
>
> In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list should be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State. i.e. Texas, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Arkansas, Missouri, etc.
>
> 1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way!
>
> 3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.
>
> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle . We have a name for those little 13-inch Trout you fish for: BAIT !
>
> 6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.
>
> 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
>
> 9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into our house! It better be brown, bubbly, and served over ice!
>
> 11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar Combine that we only use two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 13. We eat supper (dinner? we ate at noon) together with our families. We pray before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Sundays, and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
>
> 14. We don't do "hurry up" real well.
>
> 15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with fatback or bacon and sometimes eat them with a smoked hog jowl.
>
> 16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.
>
> 17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.
>
> 18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas . That would be I-70 West.
>
> 19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
>
> 20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. You understand the concept?
>
> 21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
>
> 22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -His name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
>
> 23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your darn Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.
>
> 24. You burn an American Flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.
F150online
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From: Roswell, GA USA
Funniest part is that the true Southerner takes PRIDE in a number of these things that are considered JOKES by others. That's what make the South great and makes me happy every single day that I live here.
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From: Motor City
Man, I can't wait to invade the south next week... a little Detroit fla-va' will be good for them. Sadly, we will not be passing through your neck of the woods Steve.
Last edited by dzervit; Mar 17, 2005 at 04:06 PM.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,079
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From: Pikesville, MD
Here's an unrelated question.
Do people from the deep south consider Maryland a southern state or a northern one.
It seems like Northern states think we are a southern state, their dividing line is PA
Southern states think we are northern with Virginia as the last true southern state.
Just curious about the perceptions of those in the deep south.
Do people from the deep south consider Maryland a southern state or a northern one.
It seems like Northern states think we are a southern state, their dividing line is PA
Southern states think we are northern with Virginia as the last true southern state.
Just curious about the perceptions of those in the deep south.
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From: Cleveland Ohio
I don't like the southern states.....last time I was in S.C everywhere I would go people would call me a Yankee!! Even though I don't live in N.Y...I guess thats there way on saying I'm from the north or something?? who knows, but they sure didn't like me 
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 4,121
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From: Hammer Lane
Originally posted by vader716
Here's an unrelated question.
Do people from the deep south consider Maryland a southern state or a northern one.
It seems like Northern states think we are a southern state, their dividing line is PA
Southern states think we are northern with Virginia as the last true southern state.
Just curious about the perceptions of those in the deep south.
Here's an unrelated question.
Do people from the deep south consider Maryland a southern state or a northern one.
It seems like Northern states think we are a southern state, their dividing line is PA
Southern states think we are northern with Virginia as the last true southern state.
Just curious about the perceptions of those in the deep south.
We'll take Maryland, if you guys will stop trying to push West Virginia off on us. Any State that fought under the Union flag is a northern State. That's how it works.
dzervit,
You're from the Mid-West, not the North. Though, several Mid-Western Cities are lobbying for honorary Northerner status.
Last edited by Odin's Wrath; Mar 17, 2005 at 05:01 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 891
Likes: 1
From: Lost some where in the middle of the Ozark Mountains!
18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas . That would be I-70 West.
As country as I am even I get sick on these nasty things. Both of them are called hog slop round my place. You want grits.... Go to Waffle House, I'll be there in a bit for my daily coffee.
Last edited by PSS-Mag; Mar 17, 2005 at 06:29 PM.
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Joined: Jun 2002
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I talk like a hick and I was born in Kentucky. Does that make me Southern? That reminds me, there was a boy from New York that went to my college. He was smart bookwise, but dumber than a sack of taters commmon sense wise. He was all the time callin' me a ya-hoo. What in the hell is a ya-hoo? 
