Things to know before moving down south
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2004
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From: Lubbock or Houston
Here are the ones for Texas
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
3. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying: They can't understand you either.
6. "Mom'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks, "How's your Mom'n'em?" They are referring to the whole family.
7. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid legal defense.
8. If you hear a Texan exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.
9. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and the rest learned to drive while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases, this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
10. Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to shoot.
11. Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.
12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit.
13. Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise unless you want a kind-hearted Texan to fix your busted head with duct tape.
14. Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.
15. Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff Gordon isn't.
16. Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on the Ark.
17. If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some Texans view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.
18. Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
19. "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?" is a temporary statement. We love Yankees to visit, but damn Yankees are those who decide to stay.
20. If you decide to stay in Texas and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Texans. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
21. The only three letters scarier than P.M.S. is D.P.S.
22.A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol, A Ford 350 Supercrew King Ranch is.
23. the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
24. It shouldn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
3. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying: They can't understand you either.
6. "Mom'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks, "How's your Mom'n'em?" They are referring to the whole family.
7. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid legal defense.
8. If you hear a Texan exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.
9. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and the rest learned to drive while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases, this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
10. Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to shoot.
11. Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.
12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit.
13. Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise unless you want a kind-hearted Texan to fix your busted head with duct tape.
14. Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.
15. Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff Gordon isn't.
16. Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on the Ark.
17. If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some Texans view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.
18. Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
19. "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?" is a temporary statement. We love Yankees to visit, but damn Yankees are those who decide to stay.
20. If you decide to stay in Texas and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Texans. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
21. The only three letters scarier than P.M.S. is D.P.S.
22.A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol, A Ford 350 Supercrew King Ranch is.
23. the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
24. It shouldn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash
Last edited by texaspyro21; Mar 18, 2005 at 09:45 AM.
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 224
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From: Lubbock or Houston
Second set of ones
Rules for Yankees who move to the South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10.Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11.People walk slower here.
12.Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13.The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in"big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14.The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15.Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16.If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17.If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18.Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do.
In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19.Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
22.If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're
supposed to do.
23.Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be
displayed.
24.Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25.Florida is not considered a Southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
26.In Southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
27.As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28.You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Rules for Yankees who move to the South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10.Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11.People walk slower here.
12.Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13.The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in"big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14.The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15.Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16.If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17.If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18.Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do.
In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19.Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
22.If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're
supposed to do.
23.Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be
displayed.
24.Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25.Florida is not considered a Southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
26.In Southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
27.As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28.You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,336
Likes: 1
From: Your moms house
9. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and the rest learned to drive while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases, this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
<---guilty.
<---guilty.
Thread Starter
|
Bighersh Alter-Ego
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 178
Likes: 0
From: 33.02N / 96.66W
I learned on my Aunt's 8 HP Murrary Riding mower, followed by a healthy daily dose of the video game Pole Position (Seated).
Now, if it's got at least 4 tires and a steering wheel, I can drive it; and I can back it straight into it's parking spot, even with a trailer attached.
Now, if it's got at least 4 tires and a steering wheel, I can drive it; and I can back it straight into it's parking spot, even with a trailer attached.
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 891
Likes: 1
From: Lost some where in the middle of the Ozark Mountains!
I learned on my granpa's lap on the dirt roads from about 3 yrs old. Later when we got older he'd take all us grankids out for driving lessons every Sunday. I started getting my daughters use to driving around 2 or 3 too. My 9 yr old is better than most of the drivers on the road. I have seen her perform some pretty nice reactive manuvers in the fields to avoid obstacles. I'm confident with her skills now.
PS
Both my 6 and 9 yr old daughters also knows how to change the oil and knows how "but the 6 yr old isn't strong enough yet", to change a spare tire.
PS
Both my 6 and 9 yr old daughters also knows how to change the oil and knows how "but the 6 yr old isn't strong enough yet", to change a spare tire.
Last edited by PSS-Mag; Mar 18, 2005 at 12:00 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,336
Likes: 1
From: Your moms house
I need to start doing that with my brat. She is gonna be a gear head for sure. She loves motorcyles and going fast. Who knows, with the right direction and motivation, she could be in the drivers seat of a race car one day and win Daytona.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 525
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From: Rochester NY
Thanks for all the reaons that, despite all the things that drive me nuts here, I'm glad I'm still live "up north". Here is some useful advice for Southerners coming North courtesy of your's truly...
1.The white stuff on the ground is called snow, one and a half inches is a laughable dusting not cause for a city wide shutdown and mass panic, neither is one foot in many places.
2.We drive in the snow, even several feet of it, it’s not that hard, but there is a reason that you spend the extra $3000 for the 4x4 and it has nothing to do with recreation.
3.The roads are all choppy and patched for a reason, they are called pot holes and are caused by constant snowplowing during the 8 months of winter.
4.Yankees are a baseball team from NYC and if you call someone form New England a Yankee be ready to get beat up.
5.It’s a creek not a crick.
6.If your football team plays in a dome south of the Mason- Dixson line they pussies, if the Patriots can play outside so should the Falcons, Saints…
7.Just because your city pirated an NHL team from up North and everyone jumped on the hockey band wagon does not mean they you can really appreciate hockey.
8.45 degrees Fahrenheit isn’t cold, even 32 isn’t that bad, put on more clothes and stop bitching. No complaining until the temp drops into single digits.
9.If Catholic nuns can objectively teach evolution so can public schools.
10.Wal Mart is a get in, get out stop, not a community social gathering.
11.It’s brown and fizzy and it’s called Pepsi and it tastes better than Coke.
12.After 150 years we’ve moved on, no one wants to hear about how the South could have won.
13.Up here we enunciate, give it a try, the results may surprise you.
14.That weird looking coin you got for change is probably Canadian and the vending machine is going to spit it back out at you.
1.The white stuff on the ground is called snow, one and a half inches is a laughable dusting not cause for a city wide shutdown and mass panic, neither is one foot in many places.
2.We drive in the snow, even several feet of it, it’s not that hard, but there is a reason that you spend the extra $3000 for the 4x4 and it has nothing to do with recreation.
3.The roads are all choppy and patched for a reason, they are called pot holes and are caused by constant snowplowing during the 8 months of winter.
4.Yankees are a baseball team from NYC and if you call someone form New England a Yankee be ready to get beat up.
5.It’s a creek not a crick.
6.If your football team plays in a dome south of the Mason- Dixson line they pussies, if the Patriots can play outside so should the Falcons, Saints…
7.Just because your city pirated an NHL team from up North and everyone jumped on the hockey band wagon does not mean they you can really appreciate hockey.
8.45 degrees Fahrenheit isn’t cold, even 32 isn’t that bad, put on more clothes and stop bitching. No complaining until the temp drops into single digits.
9.If Catholic nuns can objectively teach evolution so can public schools.
10.Wal Mart is a get in, get out stop, not a community social gathering.
11.It’s brown and fizzy and it’s called Pepsi and it tastes better than Coke.
12.After 150 years we’ve moved on, no one wants to hear about how the South could have won.
13.Up here we enunciate, give it a try, the results may surprise you.
14.That weird looking coin you got for change is probably Canadian and the vending machine is going to spit it back out at you.
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 891
Likes: 1
From: Lost some where in the middle of the Ozark Mountains!
12.After 150 years we’ve moved on, no one wants to hear about how the South could have won.
We dont care anymore either!
But you might want to listen to what they are saying, because I left out "going to again".
1.The white stuff on the ground is called snow, one and a half inches is a laughable dusting not cause for a city wide shutdown and mass panic, neither is one foot in many places.
2.We drive in the snow, even several feet of it, it’s not that hard, but there is a reason that you spend the extra $3000 for the 4x4 and it has nothing to do with recreation.
2.We drive in the snow, even several feet of it, it’s not that hard, but there is a reason that you spend the extra $3000 for the 4x4 and it has nothing to do with recreation.
Dumb norhterners, 4wd dosen't help you stop! LOL
God gave us enough since to come in out of the weather? LOL
Can anyone say lots of Snow Bunnies?
(BTW Just so you Notherners know.. Any reference to any rodent ussally means target practice)
Edited again to add:
BTW Until you get 10" of flurries. Stop ur whining!
Note: (I have seen this) I now get worried when they call for flurries. But if they predict a snow storm that's not a big deal! LOL
Also note that snow isn't a problem for us... It's when the sun comes out and melts the top layer. Then it freezes again at night that it is a problem. Luckily it stays cold enough in the north they don't get to see ice storms.
Last edited by PSS-Mag; Mar 18, 2005 at 12:56 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 525
Likes: 0
From: Rochester NY
Originally posted by PSS-Mag
Dumb norhterners, 4wd dosen't help you stop! LOL
God gave us enough since to come in out of the weather? LOL
Can anyone say lots of Snow Bunnies?
(BTW Just so you Notherners know.. Any reference to any rodent ussally means target practice)
Edited again to add:
BTW Until you get 10" of flurries. Stop ur whining!
Note: (I have seen this) I now get worried when they call for flurries. But if they predict a snow storm that's not a big deal! LOL
Also note that snow isn't a problem for us... It's when the sun comes out and melts the top layer. Then it freezes again at night that it is a problem. Luckily it stays cold enough in the north they don't get to see ice storms.
Dumb norhterners, 4wd dosen't help you stop! LOL
God gave us enough since to come in out of the weather? LOL
Can anyone say lots of Snow Bunnies?
(BTW Just so you Notherners know.. Any reference to any rodent ussally means target practice)
Edited again to add:
BTW Until you get 10" of flurries. Stop ur whining!
Note: (I have seen this) I now get worried when they call for flurries. But if they predict a snow storm that's not a big deal! LOL
Also note that snow isn't a problem for us... It's when the sun comes out and melts the top layer. Then it freezes again at night that it is a problem. Luckily it stays cold enough in the north they don't get to see ice storms.
