these are from a buddy of mine form college

"It's hotter than two mice f*cking in a wool sock"

or

"It's hotter than a freshly f*cked fox on the first of febuary"

 

Drug useage:
I'm higher than a giraffe's @$$.

Alternate Lifestyle:
Happier than a ********t in prison.

Happy:
Happier than a pig in sh*t.

Promiscuity:
If she had as many d***s sticking out as have been stuck in; she'd look like a porcupine


Smile reference:
Look at that sh*t-eating grin he's got on his face.

Movement:
You're about as clumsy as a bull in a china shop.

Bodily movements:
I was pi$$in' like a Russian Race-horse.

Hind parts:
Whoo- if you told her to haul @$$ she'd have to make two trips.


Intelligence:
You ain't the sharpest pencil in the drawer are you?

Sanity:
You are three sandwiches short of a picnic.

Gut feeling:
Something here is about a half-bubble off plump.

 

"Gotta **** so bad my back teeth are floating...."

"Banging like a screen door in a hurricane....."

One of our driller's comment on a piece of drilling equipment he hadn't used in quite some time....

"I looked like a monkey trying to f**k a football...."

 

When I was a young boy my Dad always told my Mom "If he wanted to hear anything out of her, he would pull her chain." Or sometimes he'd just flat out say "Did I pull your chain?"

 

Drillers are always good for some:

F**ked up like a rattlesnake caught in a lawnmower.

This well is drier that a popcorn fart.

 

When a freind catches you with a less than attractive girl..

"Boy, you'd ____ a rattlesnake if someone held it's mouth open, wouldn't you?

Cheap:
You'd squeeze a dollar until a booger flies out of George's nose.

More with less:
It's like trying to get blood out of a turnip.

Thivery:
He can steal the stink out of *****.

 

I always heard "holding the ears."

And my contribution:

Your battleship mouth is about to overrun you row boat a$$.

 

I'm fooking this monkey. Shut up and hold the tail.

 

"Don't let your mouth write a check that your *** can't cash"

 

Your alligator mouth has overloaded your Humming Bird butt.

If I want any Sh*t out you, I'll squeez your head.

I believe the boy has diarhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!

 

If I want any lip from you, I'll scrape it from my zipper.

 

Colder than a witches tit.

One banana short of a bunch.

Slicker than cat ***** on a butter dish.

A few cards short of a full deck.

No brighter than a burned out light bulb.

No smarter than the law will allow.

 

Your so horney, you'd f**k a rock pile if you thought ther was a snake in there.

 

Lets make like some panties and haul azz.

Focked up like a box of treble hooks.

 

Got this one from my grandad,its a little gross,but here goes:
"F@#^en a girl in the @55 is like pullin on a tight boot."