I would like some advice from those that have been through a divorce.

Last Friday my wife told me she wanted a divorce. This past Monday she went to an attorney and started the paperwork. We've been married 24 years and with the exception of the last couple years it was just like we were still newlyweds. 3 years ago I was on a remote tour in Iceland and she came to visit for a couple weeks. When she got there I thought something with her was a bit off, but I thought it was just because we hadn't seen each other for awhile. When I came back in May of 2002, she was still a little different and again I thought it was the separation from one another and everything would get back to normal. It didn't, she started growing more and more distant. In July she told me she wanted a divorce and wanted me to move out. I told her I would give her sometime and we needed to see a marriage counselor. I went ahead and moved in with my son. We saw the counselor 5 or 6 times and I thought it helped us, she recently said it didn't help her at all, but after a couple months she asked me to move back home. 3 weeks ago she said she needed to get away to figure out all the emotions she was going through so I move our travel trailer 15 miles from here that's where she is staying now.

I have never felt this bad in my life. Up until last Friday I always had hope, now nothing! Monday night I begged her to come home and she said is never coming back, never! I did see a psychologist yesterday. That helped for a few hours and then I was right back where I was.

I still love this woman as much as I did when we got married. I'm having a terrible time with my emotions. The pain has started to turn to anger (and back to pain) now and at times I want to hurt her (emotionally). I know it's wrong, it's just so hard to control.

For those that have been through this , how did you deal with your emotions? I know time will help, but I'm living in the present, not the future.

For those that are still married to a loving woman, count your blessings and hope you never go through this, it's tougher than I ever imagined.

 

My situation was much different then yours but nonetheless the emotions were there. The best thing I would recommend, and note I am no professional in this, is to talk to someone, close friend, family, just anyone and it don’t have to be a professional.

To talk is to release some of the pressure, emotions of the situation. What ever you do ALWAYS keep in mind should you do something harmful to her it will affect you for the rest of your life, and not just you but your children. I know that sounds like a nice sound bite, but think of your kids EVERY time you have any thoughts of wanting to hurt her because it WILL hurt you more in the end.

Sometimes what may help is to simply sit down with a piece of paper and just start writing like never before, get your anger out that way, it does help. If you would like you could always email me, not that I may be able to help much but someone you can write to and get something off your chest and I will write back.

Brief history on me, was married for 10 years to someone very material. Moved to New Hampshire, her home town. I was from California and did not know a single person here. We have a daughter together. She worked evenings so I would come home, do homework with our daughter and son (hers from another marriage but I consider him like my own son) cook dinner and then finish up with homework or just play with the kids.

One day I come home and she is gone, took a bunch of things and the kids. I have no clue where she went or where the kids are. Long story short, money was running out, she was bored and found someone with some big bucks.

I had no real friends, people I knew from work, but not like friends you grow up with so it was pretty lonely for a while. Come to find out I had a few good friends at work after all and they talked me through the tough times to begin with.

Today I have custody of my daughter, my ex is broke, her husband is broke (LMMFAO) she is hooked up with some other guy who will soon be broke (LMMFAO) so all is good…

Don’t really like sharing my past, not that I have any regrets or feel I made any mistakes but it was pretty damn hard to begin with because my kids were/are my life and I had some “thoughts” going on in my head at the time as well and I kept thinking about the kids and how my actions would affect them should I decide to take out the douche bag she hooked up with.

It is true, what goes around comes around… she is broke and looks like she is 58 DAMN, and I am cruising around in a nice 03 Lightning.

It is tough and will be tough for you at the moment and for a while so take it 1 day at a time, 1 hour at a time and try your best to maintain for not just your sake but your kids as well.

It will get better, just not right away and as long as you honestly accept that, as you have, the better it will be for you to deal with it.

Talk, talk, talk, to who ever, where ever and as I said any time, if ever, you wish to email me please do so…

 

I cant imagine what your going thru 2000 as im only 20 years old and havnt been in a serious relationship yet. Keep your head up and hang in there man, were on your side!

 

Thankfully I do have a good support network. All my kids are grown and moved out, but they visit and check on me often. As you know, I can see a shrink anytime I want for no charge. Co-workers also call and visit me to see how I'm doing. Bad thing is, I hate being alone, but when someone visits I just want them to leave.

I'm in the same boat as you were with no real friends, just co-workers. I devoted my whole life to my wife and kids. I rarely drink and I'm happy about that, because I know if I was a drinker I'd be hitting it hard.

I figured writing out the original post would be some therapy for me. Forgive me for using you all this way, but right now I'm looking for anything that will help me feel better.

Thanks Sport and Green!

 

Wow, I'm sorry and I'msure that it must be a tought thing to deal with. I've not been married, so I've never been through a divorce, but I do know this, in any life situation, you can't let your emotions get the best of you. GOod luck, and if you ever need to vent, we're here.

 

Sorry to hear what you are going through... That really sucks.
I went through a divorce about 3 years ago- My wife had an affair with one of my friends. { Edited content because this isn't about me} E-mail me if you want- I KNOW what you are going through...

 

Anytime, and don't be sorry to use us to help yourself, that's what we are here for, be it trucks or whatever...

 

Keep the pain into anger, and ensure she gets nothing and has to move into a cheap sleazy motel with the jackarse she's inevitably fooling around with. Ensure you loose as little as possible by having your lawyers maker her out to be a horrid wife that makes you a saint for tolerrating her all these years. Pics of her in the sleazy motel with bubba are a great help.

Go buy yourself a hot car, new or a classic, hit the treadmill then troll around town for a nice young sex vixen to make you feel 19 again.

Your kids are grown so you don't have to worry about them. Destroy her. Revenge is so very sweet. And there is no better revenge than destroying someone financially, emotionally & spriitually. It's the best therapy ever.

Or just do what the others said. That might work too.

 

dzervit, you're killing me That's some great stuff, lol!

S-crew03, I read what you had written before you edited it. Man, I guess I'm getting off pretty easy, that's one horrible story. Sorry to hear about the way your divorce happened, it did make me think about how much worse it could really be.

Thanks for everyone's support, it's really helping me feel better about this whole ordeal.

 

Hang in there kiddo, it can always be worse. I'll be here for comic relief all night. Laughter is the best medicine. Well, that an dancing 'nanners.

 

Damn that sucks, not that I'm asking you to post it but I hope she gave you some sort of explanation. Anyway, when I was 19 and in college my parents got divorced after almost 20 years of marriage, it didn't surprise anyone and they both seemed happier. It was bitter at first but they came to tolerate each other and we could at least do things as a family when we needed to like graduations and even some holidays. Now, six years later, they are good friends and sometimes talk about reconciliation. Who knows if they will but give this some time and don't burn any bridges in your pain and anger. I know it doesn’t make it any easier, but Sport gave you good advice about the writing, give it a try; it helps to release that emotion, even if it is just onto paper.

All that is assuming she didn't/ isn't fooling around on you, then dzervit might be onto something.

 

Me too, I just tell the orderly I need to go down the hall.
He is good, always on my case telling me I've got to start wearing some pants and stop telling people I have a truck.

Hey tomorrow is Thursday! I get Jello!

 

fatman, in my state of mind right now I don't mind posting anything right now (want to see same nude pictures of her (J/K). I have bared my soul tonight and feel pretty good about the results. Maybe I'm making a mistake posting my problem, only time will tell.

Now to the reason, which to me is 1 of the biggest problems. She said she hasn't loved me for 2 years. She said she loves me, but she's not "in love with me". WTF, sounds like a cop out and a way of avoiding an explanation of what the real problem is/was. I have beat my head against the wall trying to figure this out. I can come up with only 3 explanations right now:

1. She became so independent while I was in Iceland that she realized she wasn't in love with me. I was just a security blanket.

2. She had an affair while I was away and realized that she didn't need me after all. In which case someone will die if I find out.

3. Both 1 and 2

And oh my god, if I'm figuring correctly, our divorce will be final around Thanksgiving. That and Christmas was always the time of year that families are together, not in the turmoil that my family will be going through .

 

Well, I'm off to toss and turn and try to get my 2 hours of sleep.

Helluva support group here, thanks!

 

Writing it out can be a big help in tough times. I've hit a bump or two in the road and it always helped to write it out. It helps me to understand what's going on and to get a grip. By starting this thread I think you've already began the process.

Marriage is a two way street for sure. I feel for ya. Keep your chin up and try not to dwell on the past. Best wished to ya.