First of all – for all you southerners – a snard is a collection of snow, ice, salt, road grime (and if you live in New Jersey – Jimmy Hoffa) that builds up behind the wheel wells of your F-150 (or any other vehicle) when you drive in snow.

So why would I complain about one of Mother Nature’s wonders? For one thing, they’re a pain in the #@%*! Garden variety snards just build up and look ugly, but don’t do much damage by themselves. The damage comes from well intentioned folks walking up and kicking them to remove them for you. More often than not, they remove both the snard and your brand new Ford molded splash guards.

Then there’s the devious creeping snard. For reasons not yet understood by scientists, a small percentage of snards (possibly due to chromosome damage) start to creep up and around your entire wheel well – eventually filling it up. The only known cure for these snards is hitting a bump in the road – which either dislodges the snard or blows out your entire fender inner liner.

Then there’s the place where all snards eventually go – the snard graveyard. These can be found on any expressway approximately 50-100 feet after a bump in the road. Yes, the bump dislodges everybody’s snards and leaves them free to “stop, drop and roll” until they finally come to rest. These graveyards pose yet another risk in that they’re generally - as one seasoned snard investigator noted - “slipperier than snot on a glass door ****.” One can only imagine what horrors this causes.

For those of us with “the new F-150”, there is an even more sinister snard - the dreaded ‘04 / ’05 Tailgate snard. Yes folks, the glue sniffing designer that suggested; “Why don’t we make the bed like stupid deep?” created a problem almost as big as the “loose a Miata here” sweepstakes. The tall, flat tailgate now creates a low pressure zone the size of Nevada behind the truck. This leads to snow sticking to the tailgate in quantities heretofore unseen on this planet. Why just last week I had to surgically remove a tailgate snard that was a full 6 inches thick! (By the way, the new “easy lift torsion bar” is of little help when your tailgate weighs 400 pounds.)

So I implore of you fine F150online members. Please, join the fight to eliminate snards in our lifetime. Kick a snard off a Chevy.

 

I have a set of 4 snards right now. Pick them up yesterday and this morning. It is like -1 today so they will be hangin around for a while. Man, 2 sets of train tracks couldnt even shake them off, and train tracks are like a snards worst enemy.

oh well, those nice white snards match the salt that goes up to the door handles. To cold to wash so might just as well go kick a Chevy.

Its so freakin cold even the dog came in with snards, now I will have to kick them off the dog too.

Sled...

 

Maybe for those of us in the Frozen North, RockPick will start a "Biggest Snard" contest, to hold us over til we can participate in the "Transformation" contest...

Matt

 

Sounds like you need to move south -- what's one more Yankee gonna' hurt?

 

Careful, the (huge) snards on my truck today might make it well past the Mason-Dixon line before falling off. You wouldn't want a snard greaveyard down there now would you?

 

I lived in Miami for two years...Couldn't get out fast enough.
It did give me a newfound respect for the change of seasons, though...

Matt

 

I know what you mean -- I'm originally from Minneapolis and the change of seasons is probably the thing I miss the most as well.

Although I can't necessarily say that I miss the toll your vehicle has to pay to make it through every winter. It's so much easier to keep your vehicles looking good and in good mechanical condition when you're not dealing with salt, sand, and cold weather all the time!

 

We have a change of seasons here in Rochester too. We have 9 months of winter and 3 months of bad snow shoeing.

 

We have two seasons here, too...

Winter, and the Fourth of July...if it's nice, we have a picnic.


Matt

 

I noticed bad snard buildup on the tubular running boards

 

Believe it or not, I have had my vehicle stolen by a snard. Yes, that is right...they have reportedly migrated down south and have stolen several. I was able enough to get one quick photo before the hellacious duo sped off to colder climates. If you see these two, or my car, please call the designated hotline. 1-STOP-A-SNARD

Thank You

 

I'm sure that would draw some attention... just think of how much could be 'read in' to a thread of that stature... LMAO!

RP

 

Whatt?!?!?!..."read in"...I have no idea what you are talking about...who would do that around here??


Matt

 

Talk about thread hijacking! I start out with a scientific disertation on snards and we end up with "size matters!" Of course that's why I post here! Hmmm, I wonder how big RockPick's snard is? Never mind.

 

LMAO!

There's no snow here now (thank god). If it all hits like they're saying, I have a chance at a snard for Sunday.

RP