This is very hard to do and I'm about to go crazy. I had to split-up or least stop seeing my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years tonight. I found out she had cheated on me. I will not share all the real details as this is not the palce for them. Basically, it boils down to she thinks I didn't trust her as I might be a little to concerned and overbearing. The reason I am is because she has hurt me in the past and because I loved her so much. Also, we had plans to get engaged and move out along time ago but when I got laid off, I had to go back to my old job that didn't pay as much. I have promised her and myself to find another better job but have let it slide a little, since I keep my bills paid and it's hard to find an IT type job with no degree in todays market. According to her I get upset everytime we talk about this, and I admit sometimes I do but it's at myself not her. She said she was tired of it and afraid to ask me to change. I think it's partially true but also think she is BS'ing and that we were young and never experienced dating lots of other people. Which I was allright with as I loved her (yes I thought the same things at times but never acted upon them).

What should I be doing? I am the real one to blame, were we to young to really know? Should I forgive her and take her back if that's what she wants or should I end it now and never take her back. I know most people can not anwser these for me (even with the details) and this is not the place but I consider many of you my friends and trust your advice. I am lost in the world now.

 

Follow your heart but by the sounds of things, you're still young. Plenty of woman out there. Only you will be the one who can figure out whether you could still trust her and it appears you had good reason not to in the past. I wouldn't rush into any decision, you got to much time in the future.

If you honestly feel you can, you'll need to make sure you drag it up in the heat of an argument.

 

Cheating is not a good sign. It's hard to trust someone when they've done that to you.

Relationships are a pain in the a$$. I know, the one that I'm in has been on a rocky road for a while. If she cheated on me that would be it.

I'm sure you love this girl but if you keep getting back together there is a chance for a bigger heart break. I'd say take the necessary time to get over her then become and independant person again. I've found that all the time I lived alone was very good for me. I know I can take care of myself, no matter what happends. You don't need this girl, you've become accustomed. There is someone out there who you can trust and who will treat you better. There isn't anything wrong with being alone for a while.

Just my opinions. Good luck!

 

Sorry to hear about your situation, there are no words anyone can say to make you feel better, that's a fact.
You have to suck it up, and if it doesnt kill you, it will make you stronger, hehe, as hoaky as it sounds, it's the truth.

Can you forgive her?

That answer is somewhere in your heart as only you know.

With that being said, I think it's possible to forgive someone for an infidelty, it depends on many factors though.

This is going to be such an awful time for you, a roller coaster would seem smooth compared to what you will feel.

All you can do is a lot of soul searching, and make sure that whatever decision you make, you make for the right reasons.

Good luck man!

Alex

 

It sounds like you need to move on in my opinion.
There are too many women out there to stay with
someone who has cheated on you. Sure, people
forgive one another for this all the time, but I
personally have never seen a situation where one
spouse has cheated, work out. Good luck with
whatever you decide.

 

basically, i second trappers opinion. If your spouce cheats, theres somethings going on that isnt right in your relationship. Last year, my senior year in high school, one of my buddies and his gf broke up after 2 years at teh begining of the year, because she cheated. She felt terrible because she reallyl loved the guy she had been with for 2 years. They split for about 6 months to clear the air, then got back together and have never loved each other so much. Why? 1) She loved him for taking her back even through her mistake, and 2) He pushed their relationship foreward because he didnt want her to think about cheating again. Theyre still together. Me and my gf, weve been on and off since 7th grade, and now that were 4 hours apart, i have no worries whatsoever about her cheating on me, cuase i know theres a connection there.
I hope everything works out KY. Sometimes you have to just let them go, and if its meant to be, it will come back around. If not, theres more fish in the sea.
Good luck and keep your head up--relationships are hard and women didnt come with instructions!!
-Patrick

 

I'll third Trapper.

Women out number men and there's plent of men who are just plain @ssholes, so there is plenty of women out there for you to find.

Also, if over the course of your healing time you decide to forgive her, remember forgiviness does not mean getting back together. For some reason alot of people never understand that.

 

You are too young.

 

I think it's very sad to see people take back other's after they cheat...you're like getting sloppy second's.

You're to young to waste your time with this girl...have fun with other's.

 

How do you mend a broken heart? That's a tough one!! You said you have been with her for 4 1/2 years. That is a huge emotional investment!!! When a relationship is over or "dead", there is a kind of grieving process that you must endure. You will likely experience emotional highs and lows. Little details will remind you of her. In the end, you will get over her.

Should you forgive her. Definately yes!! That does not necessarily mean you should take her back though. Forgiving her will bring closure to the relationship. She seems to have a track record of infidelity, so I think you are justified in not trusting her. I think you have to ask yourself what the root cause of her infidelity was. Is it because you don't give her the emotional support she needs? If yes, then are you willing to change to better meet her needs? Is it because you don't have a "good enough" job? She should love you for you, not your job. Clearly, something needs to change or she will continue to cheat on you even after you're married (if you were to get married that is!).

 

 

Follow your heart, but use your head to do it.

I see too many people rush into relationships and/or marriage before they are ready because they feel it's 'time'.

Don't rush into anything, and don't take the easy path because it is there. Only YOU can make the decision that is best for YOU.




"The path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men go astray"

 

Geez, I didn't know there was so much caring and support on this board. I'm having a really rough time about this, it's hard to sleep, eat, and just look at anything. After 4 years everything reminds me of her or something we have done. I know it sounds mean but I hope she feels worse than I do.
We talked last night and both agreed to take time and think about things and maybe see other people. She wants to see if what we had was true or if we need to move on. I was wrong for not trusting her fully but she has done could never be right. In some ways I want her back now because of the pain and in other ways in my head I know it's better if it just ends now. I'm confused on where to go from here. I got all week off to go hunting but skipped today as I am in no shape to sit out there alone.
It's not what I wanted to hear but maybe it's true maybe we are/were too young.

Thanks for the support guys.

 

lol, that's just wrong

 

You're confusing me...you're saying you should have fully trusted her, yet she cheated on you.

It almost sound's like you're turning the blame on your self which it wasn't at all....it was 100% her fault, she could have atleast told you she was going to cheat on you so it wasn't a secret.