it's good to see that someone else hangs out on LS1.com

ROFLMAO!

 

LOL, very nice.


I think the proper term is called: "a going away present"

 

I lived through almost the exact same thing. Relationship of about 5 years, got cheated on, almost got married, horrible break up....broken heart.

Like everybody else said it is probably for the best. The first thing you need to realize is that you are going to feel like crap for a while. 4.5 years is good amount of time to spend with somebody and when they are not a part of your life after that it is hard and hard for a long time because things will keep popping up that remind you of the past.

The next big problem is you will only start to remember the good times and not the bad ones, this just makes the whole crappy situation worse.

Basically you have a good long time to go through detox. It is like coming off of drugs and it just plain sucks.

Ok now for the good news. One of these days, probably in a year or so you will come across a woman and all of a sudden you will be going to bed at night thinking about this new woman and waking up in the morning thinking about her. That my friend is a great feeling when both your conscious and sub conscious finally let go of the past.

I will say a prayer or two for you but I would almost lay a money back guarantee that you will be fine and in the long run you will be the happiest guy ever.

Now you have some work ahead of you.

Try not to mope or stay alone. Hang out with friends, take up some new hobbies.

It's ok to drink but remember drinking is a depressent and don't use this as a crutch. I fell into this trap and it gets ugly.

I hate to say this but the next girl you date might not be in for the best time as they usually get saddled with the pent up emotion. If this doesn't happen, great. If it does, at least I warned ya.

Whatever you do, don't hang out at any of the places that you and your girlfriend spent special times at. It will kill you inside for a while if you do.

Whatever you do don't let yourself hate the girl or whomever she is with. Life moves on, don't take things not working out personally. Hate is just as powerful as love. Simply call it a day and move on.

All woman are not evil. Most maybe but there are good ones out there and they have a girlfriend giving them this speech right now so they ain't that different.

So drop a few tears, have some beer with your buddys and move the hell on. It sucks, its rough but it will get better but you have to want it to.

Take care and I wish you all the luck. I know how much this kind of thing hurts inside. Just don't let it eat you up.

Whatever you do don't ever, ever think of suicide. Nothing is worth that. I am not saying that you would I am just saying that if it even crosses your mind, talk to somebody and smack yourself around. Be tough.

Who knows if it's meant to be after some time you might just cross paths with this girl again when you both have grown a little. I don't mean grown up, just grown.

BTW: I am now happily married and so glad I didn't make the mistake of pursuing and marrying somebody who was not right for me. Hind sight is 20/20 but I got lucky I think.

Chris

 

Well KYFordfreak, you can just save that last one.
In ten years, someone will be in your situation and you will be in cslinger's. Then you can just copy that post and save yourself alot of typing.

 

haha yea, i havent been to that board in a while but that's where i know it from

 

You know, a few people mentioned the fact that
you are too young, and that's good advice. I've
seen young couples that are too serious and
marry, only to divorce once they both mature
and realize they don't have anything in common.
I was lucky enough to avoid this one. I met my
wife in the 11th grade and we dated until graduation
when we got married. Here we are 12 years later
and we still love each other. True, we both changed
over the years, but we've been flexible enough to
accept those changes and develop a great marriage.
I think I was one of those very few lucky people to
actually find my soul mate. We have seen many of
our friends who married later on in life divorce and
go their separate ways while our "doomed because
we were young" marriage has outlasted them all.
I guess we are the exception to the rule. I think
the last statistics I saw on young marriages said
something like 90% end in divorce. Anyway, it
sounds like a cliche, even corny when people say,
"you'll know when you meet the right person",
but I actually believe it. I knew from the moment
I met my wife that we were meant to be. I actually
proposed while still in school!

KyFordfreak, you just hang in there. We here on
the boards may not be the best support group in
the world in matters of the heart, but I think you
can get some honest answers and honest life
experiences from many of us.

Oh, by the way, Raoul has requested that I inform
everyone that he now be referred to as DR. Love!!

 

KY

You seem like a solid guy, so f' her. Cheating is unacceptable. I made a solemn vow on my 29th birthday (which we won't mention how long ago that was) to purposefully be as big of an a$$hole as possible to women, not from the standpoint of being a womanizer, but from the standpoint of not accepting "unacceptable" behavior.

I usually point out at the get-go that I don't have time for bull*****, and put them on the "warning." That way, when bull***** does pop up (i.e. even though we were supposed to have dinner with your family Friday I want to go on a girls night out with my sketchy slutty friends), I can say, "hey I told you I don't have time for bull*****, hit the f'n curb..."

Surprisingly, it has worked out very well. I was fast-forwarding through a lot of women for a while, but once I weeded out the worthless ***** and raging ******, I found a really nice girl. I know that she won't do anything behind my back, because if she does, it's the highway, bottom line. No excuses, no second chances, no nothing.

Anyway, sorry to hear about your woes, as I said you seem like a solid guy....

 

I think you mentioned something about you felt it was YOUR fault that she cheated.

First and foremost it is NOT your fault for anything she does. Now if she were to just leave you because of your job or they way you may have treated her would be another story. As far as anything she does be it cheating or what ever that will NEVER by your fault. She has to be responsible for her actions as do you.

Now if she is having problems with the type of money your bringing home, then she don't really love you. That is plain and simple. Love is not about money, not about where you live, what you drive, or what you have. Love is just that love.

I am with cpadpl as far as how I am with women. I not a ***** with them but there are NO games. Games were in high school. I let her know who I am and were I stand. If she is material then she is gone. I am an electrical engineer now, but if I decide I don't want to do that tomorrow and work at McDonalds then she should have no problem with that either. If she loves me its for me period, not money, not belongings.

Another VERY important thing to remember is KIDS. You need to know your relationship is solid prior to kids. To me trust is the most basic foundation of a solid relationship, without you have nothing but at the very best a shacky foundation.

I can tell you this and I don't care what anyone says. When two people have kids and their relationship fails for what ever reason it is the KIDS that suffer more then any other person involved.

It's really hard losing someone you love very much now, it's even harder to lose them later when you already have a dought if you can or can not trust them.

When someone really and I mean "really" loves someone there is no reason to cheat.

 

cslinger
You hit just about every thought I had. It almost sounds like your inside my head.

Whats so bad is I'm so soft hearted. I wanted her to be the one and thought I had found my soul mate just as trapper had. Now it looks/feels more like she was my cell mate, LOL. I am not sure what to do , like I said I'm soft hearted and deep down want her back but then my head tells me that might be a bad idea. The good thing is and it's mean but I have more friends than she does. Even what little friends shes has said she is in the wrong and I don't need her. Most of our time was even spent with my friends. She didn't like some of them because it didn't always suit her. I mean I had one set of friends we didn't go see much as she got bored at their house. So in turn I spent time with friends that she got along with and that had wives or girlfriends she could hang out with. I made sacrifices for her to please her. While I admit somethings were my fault but I might be seeing the light now. I hate to think of things this way but maybe it is all wrong.

I guess time will tell and heal me. Maybe I can have her back in the furture.

cpadpl
That's kind like what my borther said. He went through lots of girls and if found something he didn't like he didn't let it go, he kicked them out. He got hurt very badly too, and is now planning to get married to someone great. He said most of the time after they knew he wouldn't play their games they wanted him that much more and begged him.

Right now I'm just going minute by minute. I have too loving parents and many friends (most of them are good), maybe I'll be OK.

 

It is hard for you at the moment because this is the time it hurts the most. It is so easy to do what you feel in your heart yet so hard to do what may seem logic to you.

Best thing to do at the moment is nothing more then give it time. Time enough that you can weigh what your heart feels and what your logic tells you. Could be days, weeks or months. I think if you give it time at least you will know you did not make a bad decission later down the line, which ever way you go.

There is nothing worse then making a decession in the "heat" of the moment and things not working out later and perhaps kicking yourself for not taking the time to think it through.

You have what sounds like great parents and friends. Take in what they say and weigh it against what you think and feel prior to making a decession. Either way, if you decide to take her back she will not have a problem with you taking your time if she "really" loves you.

 

Like you said just take it one day at a time. One of the hardest things I went through was when I actually started to forget about her and some of the details of our relationship together. That was hard for me because when I tell somebody I love them I mean it and love is suppossed to be a pretty permanent thing to me. I felt like I was betraying myself or her or my feelings or whatever for actually moving on or letting myself forget.

I think the most important thing to remember is no matter how bad you feel there are a hell of a lot of people out there who would trade you for your life in a hot minute. Not just some starving Ethiopian but a whole lot of people right here, probably in your neighborhood. The grass always being greener and all that.

I was the one with all the friends in our relationship also. Like I said it worked out for the best because a few short years later I found the woman of my dreams.

The dreams will stop, so will that deep down feeling like you just got kicked in the groin and wanna puke.....or was that the hangovers don't remember it all got kinda hazy for a bit if ya know what I mean.

If you wanna drive a few miles south to Southern Kentucky or Northern TN, I'll buy ya a beer or two to cry in. Then you can look up at the sky and say the three most important words a man needs to know about life......Ahhhhh F$%K IT!

Take care. Hang in. I don't know be Ford Tough or something.

 

GONE!!!

There are plenty to pick from, know what you want and don't settle for anything less. No compromises. Know the difference between being lonely, and being alone.

 

You gotta change your belief system. Like the song says RESPECT Yourself. Go on the rebound and don't look back.

 

O/T How do you mend a broken heart?

Start dating her sister.

 

I spent all day away from and not talking to her. I went and changed my oil, took some time to hunt with my dad (more or less talked), and went to a friends house. I talked to them as they were married with a kid and went and are still going through the same thing. His wife was also one of her friends. I always thought they got along great but come to find out she kind of disliked my girlfriend i nthe end. She said the way she treated me was wrong and even told me some of the things they had talked about in the past as far as girl talk. I learned she may have done other things she never told me about or lied some about. I pretty much know how many times she may or may not have cheated.

It really saddens me I did not see all this and feel now like I was played as a fool. I am still not sure if I will/would take her back. I have my plans to move on and as bad as it sounds some of them are to make her feel bad and act like a *****. If it does make her feel bad she may want to ome back but maybe I won't take her back. My friend even suggested ways and who to do this. No I will not date her 13 year old sister. I may date someone she dislikes or one of her friends. Hey my excuse is they are my friends too, and you can't pick who I see. There's one person I wish I could date again that would just burn her up, but they are taking. Then again to date that someone she dislikes would mean I'm making that girl cheat and then I'm as bad as her.

She was a material person. I mean she thought I could spend all this on my truck but didn't have enough to move out. Not to mention the fact she thought I liked my truck more than her. Well, the truth is I don't spend on my truck anymore and my love and interest are two different things. All I've spent on it lately is to keep it running the best I could. I have not bought a mod for it that was over $50 for a good two months. When I did buy stuff it was either money lelft over from my last real good job or money I had saved. To move out takes more than a one time $300 or even $3000. She would live in an apartment but told me an old trailer would not do. Like my friends wife said, when you start out you get what you can. While I didn't try that hard it was because I knew what standards she wanted met.
It's all long and drawn out. I will try not to bother you guys about this much more. I just needed and still need to get over this first rough part. I thank you guys a million times over.

cslinger
I apprecaite the offer but have all the beer I can stand. Any other time I would take a beer or two but for some reason now I could not handle it and do not even really want it. I think it's just all the pain and may want it later. I plan to change as here lately I have had plenty enough beer. I'm not an alcoholic but was drinking quite a bit when we would go out with friends to party. She had no problems with this and was along with me most of the time. I didn't mention she was at a party and had been taking lots of Jello shots the night she cheated. This is still no excuse as she knew where and what she was doing and had even thrown-up and was feeling better when she did this. She calims that she didn't realize what she had done till she had done it and it was meaningless. BS, if she loved me, she would have thought about this. According to my wifes friend who talked to her today, it was a way out. It was a cowards way out and she should have told me.
Ford tough, huh. Well, I don't know they're not built like they use to be...so... Yeah, I came up with a good motto for me... F*%K UM-ALL.
I just need more time to think... Thanks again and see you guys later.