Protect yourself, get a lawyer. Its been said that you don't really know a woman until you marry her and live with her. Truth is, you con't really know one until you divorce one. Their true colors come out during a divorce and they can surprise you and become truly vicious. Just be good to your kids. Their the ones that really suffer the most. Make damn sure they know its not their fault, and just love them.

 

Only decent advice I can give....
A friend got divorced....he was able to convince her & her lawyer to let him pay alimony monthly, NOT WEEKLY.
As I'm sure you know...there are two months with 5 weeks.
So for those two "extra" pay weeks....he doesn't have to deduct $$$.

Keep taking the high road...it will pay off in the end.
In court play up her unwillingness to work on the marriage, which in reality is sad. Kids are pretty resourceful and are able to deal with alot.
(Mine split when I was 14) What (in my op) is the worst,,,is the example she is sending them by not being willing to work on maintaining a normal marriage with their dad. IT ALWAYS TAKES TWO.
Good Luck
Try your best always keep a positive attitude.
One last thing...as much as you might want to, don't put down their mom to the kids.....that casts a bad light on you as well.

 

Thanks for the support. i do plan on taking the high road, not bad mouthing, etc..My kids are the light of my life, and will do anything for them.

 

Good luck, Dude -- you're going to need it!

I can't think of one man I've known who has gone through a divorce and come out anything other than screwed at the other end. After you pay child support and the lawyer, I hope you find yourself a nice flea-bag studio apartment, because unless you're extremely affluent, that's all you're going to be able to afford.

Sad, but from my observational experience, true......

 

As bad or sad as it my sound. Do it now! Sooner rather than later.
The longer you are married the longer you might have to pay spousal support. LIke what was already said, a lawyer is your best advice.
My example is that we stayed together for the kids. When became too much to bear I filed for divorce. Unfortunatly for me the "marriage" lasted for over 20 yrs. So.. Long story short, in Kalifornia the law states the if the marriage is over 20 yrs than the "support" spouse is intitled to up to 20yrs of spousal support. Lucky for me she settled for 7 yrs. Also, I am a retired service member. She gets a cut of my retirment pay for the rest of my life....

Moral of the story.... DO IT NOW!!!!

 

The only good thing is Nebraska isn't a state where the spouse gets support by law, only child support.

 

jump n, here's the straight up skinny as I see it. You have found another woman. Yeah, maybe you have not gotten physical yet but she is only going to bring you problems. If you're not getting along with the wife and want to leave- leave. But if you see any future at all with the other woman, yer a fool. Any man that leaves the wife and kids for another woman is a 100% pure fool. I'd suggest giving yourself a lot of time to look inside yourself and ask the big question- would I be leaving if the other woman was never in the picture? If you can truthfully answer that you would be leaving, then get rid of the other woman first and then do it. All she will ever bring you is trouble with a capital T. Obviously, you don't owe me or anybody but yourself the true answer to the question and I'd suggest keeping it to yourself but I've seen many a friend go down this same path only to regret it later in life. Maybe getting rid of the "friend" and moving out will bring the wife to counseling but the friend has to go away and soon.

 

This is spectacular advice.

Doesn't matter what your marital/kids status is, how old you are. Other women will always help skew your true feelings. In these times, I don't think even close friends and family can help, It's all on you to decide your path.

 

went through this with my parents, dad won custody, mom only got supervised visitation at my dads requested location/requested supervisor. My moms up needless to say. good luck with it, alot of times kids can make it out of a divorce and be just fine, I know I'm just fine, and i was 8/9 when the divorce initially happened. If you take care of your kids, keep them from the harmful mean things that will no doubt be said, and just love them, then everything will be just fine.

 

It would be nice if you could talk to people in your locality who have been through a divorce and ask them what they liked or did not like about their divorce lawyer and if they would recommend them for you.

 

I went through my divorce when I was in the Army. Not only did I get gang raped by civilian law, as Kansas is a Mommy state, she gang raped me via the Army taking all my money like BAH even though I had apartment rent and so on. I ended up so damn broke I couldn't afford a lawyer.

I don't know what type of job you have. But, just be prepared to lose a lot. Truly sit back and think what is important to you and what is worth fighting for. Mostly, child custody, as I lost custody (residential, primary, as we have joint) to my daughter because she played the battered wife bull****, when I never laid a hand on her in my life and I had NO police record, No violent history, no pictures or witness to her accusations, yet I had records of her being institutionalized for attacking me with a knife and her own mother on the witness stand testified against her for attacking me, verbally abusing me, and so on. I just couldn't comprehend it.

So prepare yourself to lose things you enjoy from kids, to furniture, to the house, to your favorite coffee maker. She took everything!!!! Because I couldn't afford a lawyer.

And as far as any friends... Please erase that part of your post along with anyone else who has commented on it. As I am sure she knows you visit sites like this and will hunt info down on you. My ex-wife took in printed screen shots of my myspace of my comments section.A girl I work with thanked me for covering her *** at work. Although it was dismissed as hear say by the judge, it isn't always that way.

But any female friends will be used against you. You'll end up a cheater, bigot, etc.

Just do what you have to do to get by. Get a lawyer, go to work, go home, eat, sleep, work, suffer, and then after the divorce if you feel you need affection, etc, go for it.

But, even after my divorce, I was so damn shocked, I didn't think about sex or women or get backs. I just wanted to be in my little girls life and to make sure she knew I was her father before the ex put some other loser in her life.

Bro-- With all heart man, Good luck. Play it safe. Do the right thing. If you do the righ thing, can't anyone everyone say you were wrong.

 

Divorce is only imminent if you both want it to be.

I almost went through one myself about a year ago. I hope this isn't against the rules but visit my website at www.truegritchristian.com. I can't link to the page since work blocks nearly everything here. You can find the post in My Blog Thoughts and on the right "The Course of My Salvation"

There is more to this than you think so please PM me. Last thing I want is you to go on not knowing what really is going on.

 

Jump n, I know I can't speak from experience being only 20, but I believe you should try your hardest to reconcile you and your wife's differences. Not saying you haven't done this, because I'm sure you've tried over and over, but keep trying. IDK what your beliefs are, but you should try watching the movie "Fireproof." Kinda cheesy, not the best acting, but it does have a great message and will inspire you and has been known to save marriages.
Best of luck to you in this situation.
-Rhett

 

Glad you mentioned Fireproof. Once me and the wife over came our problems we went to see this movie. I kid you not, that was my life on the screen. I'm hoping Jump can read my website where he is and can share it with his wife.

It's helped more people that I know all over the world. I tracked it for about 4 months and seen 3000+ hits out of almost all internet capable countries.

 

http://truegritchristian.com/wordpress/?page_id=86