You Know You're a Redneck Jedi When . . .

Your Jedi robe is camouflage color.

You use your lightsaber to open your bottle of Bud.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You use your lightsaber to pick your teeth.

At least one section of your X-Wing is bondo colored.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

You can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word
chicken.

You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

A peaceful meditation is one without gas.

You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE
force.

You have an X-wing up on blocks in your front yard.

You lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you stopped to spit.

You think the worst part about spending time on Dagobah is
the "dadgum skeeters."

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You use the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to
wait for a commercial.

Your father said to you, "Shoot, Son, com'on over tuh the dark side,
it'll be a hoot."

You use your R-2 unit's self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the
barbecue to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the
Ewoks can't find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat over your fireplace.


I thought everyone might get a little kick out of this.
Joke is courtesy of www.twistedhumor.com

 

There must be something wrong with me.
I read lists of "you might be a redneck if..." and most of the them seem to be noble goals worthy of aspiring to.

 

Having lived in El Paso for a while that "bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder" thing sounded vaguely familiar.

 

Those of you have kids will appreciate this one.

Childrens Books that will never be published:

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Ameri- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Socket be friends?"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Dad's New Wife Timothy"

"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear"


I particularily like the "Microwave Games" one. Does that make me a bad person?