How to shovel snow
I know there are a number of folks here who don't usually get snow! You may not know the CORRECT way to remove this from your driveways so I thought I'd pass this along to help you out. No need to say thanks - your clean driveways are thanks enough! LOL! 1) Dress in layers - LOTS of them! Try to make sure that no part of your body can bend - especially at the waist. This is a way to avoid throwing out your back!
2) Grab a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage. This will be used to wash down your aspirin which you will take as a preventative measure. It is also used to numb the feelings of numbness you get after 3 minutes outside in double sub zero digit temps.
3) A full face goggle is a GOOD thing so that when you throw that shovelful of snow up & away & it comes flying back in your face, you do not freeze the vitreous humor in your eyeballs. When this substance freezes I hear the eyes actually crack open but as I haven't had this happen YET it is only speculation.
4) See #2 - time for a shot. Or several.
5) Placing a pillow around your waist, facing backwards, is a good idea so that when you land on your posterior it won't hurt. As much.
6) Carry a cell phone at all times so that as you slip under the closest vehicle, you can place a call to 911 before you lose the signal.
7) Time for #2 - again ! Hic!
8) Now stand back & proudly survey all your hard work JUST AS the Village plow comes by & undoes it all for you, THANK YOU VERY MUCH - YOU IDIOTS! Sorry - just recalling my last conversation with the "Highway" Department of the VILLAGE of Sloan! I will get them or my name ain't whatever the hell it is - I had too much of #2 to remember. Or care.
9) Stumble inside, with fogged up glasses & stiff sore body parts (which you never even knew existed!) & start peeling off the 18 layers you put on. Be sure to have plenty of towels ready to mop up the snow/ice/sweat which is now puddling around your frozen feet. Be careful not to S L I P - OUCH! Go back to #2 & finish it off. Oh wait - it was finished HOURS ago? Well, get the OTHER bottle, break it open, take it to bed with you & stay there till AUGUST! That should be safe!
There you have it - snow removal tips from a PRO! I am going to experiment with a new method however - I am buying a flame thrower from the Army for our next BIG storm. I'll let you know how it goes after the flooding subsides!
Now - remember - you don't ACTUALLY shovel the snow! You merely push it around till the friction melts it! Then there won't be anything left to shovel! And if you practice step 2 then you won't care how long that takes!
Honestly - I wrote this & I'd like to say good luck & no - I do not drink. Nor was I drinking when I wrote this! It was written for a "friend" in New York City who has never, EVER had to shovel!
I hope they get buried! LOL! 
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If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
[This message has been edited by Cowlady (edited 12-29-2000).]
2) Grab a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage. This will be used to wash down your aspirin which you will take as a preventative measure. It is also used to numb the feelings of numbness you get after 3 minutes outside in double sub zero digit temps.
3) A full face goggle is a GOOD thing so that when you throw that shovelful of snow up & away & it comes flying back in your face, you do not freeze the vitreous humor in your eyeballs. When this substance freezes I hear the eyes actually crack open but as I haven't had this happen YET it is only speculation.
4) See #2 - time for a shot. Or several.
5) Placing a pillow around your waist, facing backwards, is a good idea so that when you land on your posterior it won't hurt. As much.
6) Carry a cell phone at all times so that as you slip under the closest vehicle, you can place a call to 911 before you lose the signal.
7) Time for #2 - again ! Hic!
8) Now stand back & proudly survey all your hard work JUST AS the Village plow comes by & undoes it all for you, THANK YOU VERY MUCH - YOU IDIOTS! Sorry - just recalling my last conversation with the "Highway" Department of the VILLAGE of Sloan! I will get them or my name ain't whatever the hell it is - I had too much of #2 to remember. Or care.
9) Stumble inside, with fogged up glasses & stiff sore body parts (which you never even knew existed!) & start peeling off the 18 layers you put on. Be sure to have plenty of towels ready to mop up the snow/ice/sweat which is now puddling around your frozen feet. Be careful not to S L I P - OUCH! Go back to #2 & finish it off. Oh wait - it was finished HOURS ago? Well, get the OTHER bottle, break it open, take it to bed with you & stay there till AUGUST! That should be safe!
There you have it - snow removal tips from a PRO! I am going to experiment with a new method however - I am buying a flame thrower from the Army for our next BIG storm. I'll let you know how it goes after the flooding subsides!

Now - remember - you don't ACTUALLY shovel the snow! You merely push it around till the friction melts it! Then there won't be anything left to shovel! And if you practice step 2 then you won't care how long that takes!
Honestly - I wrote this & I'd like to say good luck & no - I do not drink. Nor was I drinking when I wrote this! It was written for a "friend" in New York City who has never, EVER had to shovel!
I hope they get buried! LOL! 
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If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
[This message has been edited by Cowlady (edited 12-29-2000).]
Proper way to shovel snow (revised)
Repeat #2 as described above. Grab another beverage - make sure to wear gloves, so that your body temp. does not prematurely warm the beverage. Sit on tractor. Turn key. Begin removing snow.
Use caution, as the repetition of # 2 may cause unwanted scrapes to nearby vehicles and possibly burying the local rug rats to their scarfs in snowbanks.
Have fun!
Repeat #2 as described above. Grab another beverage - make sure to wear gloves, so that your body temp. does not prematurely warm the beverage. Sit on tractor. Turn key. Begin removing snow.
Use caution, as the repetition of # 2 may cause unwanted scrapes to nearby vehicles and possibly burying the local rug rats to their scarfs in snowbanks.
Have fun!
Good one! Now if ONLY I had a tractor OR a nice strong guy to help - I'd hold the beverage for him! LOL! 
Honestly - I don't think I can throw the snow any higher. Think it was easy to make that mountain??? LOL!
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If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!

Honestly - I don't think I can throw the snow any higher. Think it was easy to make that mountain??? LOL!
------------------
If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Cowlady:
Good one! Now if ONLY I had a tractor OR a nice strong guy to help - I'd hold the beverage for him! LOL!
Honestly - I don't think I can throw the snow any higher. Think it was easy to make that mountain??? LOL!
Check out my album & you'll see what I mean!
http://www.zing.com/album/pictures.html?id=4293172097
</font>
Good one! Now if ONLY I had a tractor OR a nice strong guy to help - I'd hold the beverage for him! LOL!

Honestly - I don't think I can throw the snow any higher. Think it was easy to make that mountain??? LOL!
Check out my album & you'll see what I mean!
http://www.zing.com/album/pictures.html?id=4293172097
</font>
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If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
Shovel snow? Hell, that's why I got me a 4x4!
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* 2000 F-150 XLT FS; Black
* 4x4 ORP
* 5.4L
* 3.55 Limited Slip
* Stepups
* Sliding Rear Window
* 6-Way Power Seat
* Remote Keyless Entry
* Lund Trident Bug Shield
So many mods, so little cash! On the up side, no wife to create a filibuster.
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* 2000 F-150 XLT FS; Black
* 4x4 ORP
* 5.4L
* 3.55 Limited Slip
* Stepups
* Sliding Rear Window
* 6-Way Power Seat
* Remote Keyless Entry
* Lund Trident Bug Shield
So many mods, so little cash! On the up side, no wife to create a filibuster.
I agree - I have one too! BUT - if I don't shovel the stuff, how can I get the mountains of snow to climb? Check my link in the last post & you'll see what I'm talking about! Took me QUITE AWHILE to do that! LOL!
Oh no - I'm becoming just like eph1fifty! Quick - someone take my keys away so I don't hurt my truck! LOL! Sorry eph1fifty!!!!
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If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
Oh no - I'm becoming just like eph1fifty! Quick - someone take my keys away so I don't hurt my truck! LOL! Sorry eph1fifty!!!!
------------------
If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Cowlady:
I agree - I have one too! BUT - if I don't shovel the stuff, how can I get the mountains of snow to climb? Check my link in the last post & you'll see what I'm talking about! Took me QUITE AWHILE to do that! LOL!
Oh no - I'm becoming just like eph1fifty! Quick - someone take my keys away so I don't hurt my truck! LOL! Sorry eph1fifty!!!!
</font>
I agree - I have one too! BUT - if I don't shovel the stuff, how can I get the mountains of snow to climb? Check my link in the last post & you'll see what I'm talking about! Took me QUITE AWHILE to do that! LOL!
Oh no - I'm becoming just like eph1fifty! Quick - someone take my keys away so I don't hurt my truck! LOL! Sorry eph1fifty!!!!
</font>
HeHe
Trending Topics
I was wondering why my tractor had a cup holder on it!!! cool.
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2001 Supercrew, white/silver Lariat,
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2001 Supercrew, white/silver Lariat,
- gray leather capt. chairs,
- 5.4L,
- Expedition console,
- Truck Master Designs front air dam w/lights
- window tint
- wood dash,
- cobra hood,
- billet grill,
- Ford chrome tube steps,
- Line-X liner,
- Magnaflow cat-back dual exhaust w/stainless tips,
- k/n filter,
- Audiovox flip down TV
- V-Tech tail light covers and front marker covers
- Ventvisors
- Astro fiberglass tonneau
I just checked out your page - NICE TRUCKS! Now I know how you keep them so clean too! LOL!
Yes - the cup holder serves a ver important function so be sure to use it! LOL!
------------------
If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
Yes - the cup holder serves a ver important function so be sure to use it! LOL!
------------------
If you can't beat 'em, you're NOT driving a FORD!
'97 Black F150 XLT ORP 4X4
4.6L/auto/3.55 LS/power EVERYTHING,
nerf bars, 17" wheels, fog lights, trailer hitch w/electrical connector, front tow hooks, bed rail caps,
6 CD changer, lumbar support & 3 cow license plates - so far!
I'll fill in the rest as I get to know the truck better BUT it's big, it's pretty & best of all - IT'S A FORD! He's SO cute!
Here's how I shovel snow...
Best not to drink when you are behind something like that...
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2000 F150 XLT 4x4 Short Bed. Amazon Green, 5.4L, SuperCab, ORP, Tow Package, Sliding Rear Window, Electronic Shift, Keyless Entry, LT265-70-17 Tires, Clarion Pro Audio, Herculiner Bedliner, Air Silencer Removed.
1994 SVT Mustang Cobra. #1032 of 6009. Black coupe with black leather int., 3.73 rear, Bassani Exhaust, Aluminum D/S, Bridgestone RE-71 255-45-ZR17
My Home Page
Best not to drink when you are behind something like that...

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2000 F150 XLT 4x4 Short Bed. Amazon Green, 5.4L, SuperCab, ORP, Tow Package, Sliding Rear Window, Electronic Shift, Keyless Entry, LT265-70-17 Tires, Clarion Pro Audio, Herculiner Bedliner, Air Silencer Removed.
1994 SVT Mustang Cobra. #1032 of 6009. Black coupe with black leather int., 3.73 rear, Bassani Exhaust, Aluminum D/S, Bridgestone RE-71 255-45-ZR17
My Home Page
Here is my preferred way to move snow. No cup holder in in but that is why I bring a bottle with a cap on it.
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1997 F-150 Lariat
Ext Cab Short Box
4x4 Off Road Package
3.55 Gears
265/75 R16 Uniroyal Laredo M/Ts
My 2 cents worth
If you're gonna stroke it, POWERSTROKE IT!!!
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1997 F-150 Lariat
Ext Cab Short Box
4x4 Off Road Package
3.55 Gears
265/75 R16 Uniroyal Laredo M/Ts
My 2 cents worth
If you're gonna stroke it, POWERSTROKE IT!!!
Thats a helluva snow blower powerstroke.. Makes my little cub cadet with the 48" blade look sick!!.. But it has a cup holder!!! lol
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2001 Supercrew, white/silver Lariat,
------------------
2001 Supercrew, white/silver Lariat,
- gray leather capt. chairs,
- 5.4L,
- Expedition console,
- Truck Master Designs front air dam w/lights
- window tint
- wood dash,
- cobra hood,
- billet grill,
- Ford chrome tube steps,
- Line-X liner,
- Magnaflow cat-back dual exhaust w/stainless tips,
- k/n filter,
- Audiovox flip down TV
- V-Tech tail light covers and front marker covers
- Ventvisors
- Astro fiberglass tonneau
Another way to shovel snow. But 3 daughters and 1 son nice new shiney shovels and say "Here, go break these in and don't throw snow on my truck."
HeHe just kidding, I'll help too.
Hobbit
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99 XLT,4.6L Auto,4X4,tow pkge,Factory Side Steps and Mudflaps, K&N filter,BugflectorII, Amazon Green/Silver, Pace Edwards Rolltop Cover, I got my Superchip, waiting to get jumper problem fixed and chip installed.
HeHe just kidding, I'll help too.
Hobbit
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99 XLT,4.6L Auto,4X4,tow pkge,Factory Side Steps and Mudflaps, K&N filter,BugflectorII, Amazon Green/Silver, Pace Edwards Rolltop Cover, I got my Superchip, waiting to get jumper problem fixed and chip installed.


