Driving in Dallas
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From: Trixters-Playground
Driving in Dallas
THE 19 CARDINAL RULES OF DRIVING IN DALLAS
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.
2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle, so never use them.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit.
5. The car with the most extensive bodywork automatically has the right of way (remember no-fault insurance-he might not have as much to lose as you do).
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible, to insure your antilock braking system kicks in; this will give you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.
8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Dallas look progressive.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged-that's why they're paved.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms to other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over, doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remembr that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on I-35 or 75 Central.
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Dallas is the home of very high-speed slalom driving, thanks to Texas DOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways (where potholes haven't yet been established) for the same purpose.
15. It is considered correct in Dallas to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.
16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.
17. Giving the finger may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window (and therefore visible), rather than lying on the seat, and in range to pick up easily.
18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Oklahoma.
19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone
else. This is how Dallas residents notify the Texas DOT where exits should have been built.
[This message has been edited by crash1 (edited 04-22-2001).]
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.
2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle, so never use them.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit.
5. The car with the most extensive bodywork automatically has the right of way (remember no-fault insurance-he might not have as much to lose as you do).
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible, to insure your antilock braking system kicks in; this will give you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.
8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Dallas look progressive.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged-that's why they're paved.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms to other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over, doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remembr that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on I-35 or 75 Central.
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Dallas is the home of very high-speed slalom driving, thanks to Texas DOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways (where potholes haven't yet been established) for the same purpose.
15. It is considered correct in Dallas to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.
16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.
17. Giving the finger may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window (and therefore visible), rather than lying on the seat, and in range to pick up easily.
18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Oklahoma.
19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone
else. This is how Dallas residents notify the Texas DOT where exits should have been built.
[This message has been edited by crash1 (edited 04-22-2001).]
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,751
Likes: 0
From: Waltham Ma.
Crash1
Love your post.
I have driven in Dallas, and while you have a lot of crazy drivers there, you guys don't come close to the idiots on the roads here in Boston.
We have to have the worst drivers in the country.
Some of our rules are.
(1) Yellow light - speed up to make it though the intersection before it turns red.
(2) Red Light - go even faster through the light.
(3) Green light - stop, and wait till it turns yellow to go.
(4) in rotaries - who ever has the most dents has the right of way.
(5)When it snows, drive faster than when it is clear, and only clear a one foot section of your windshield and drive real fast to let the wind clear off the car.
(6)If you can't find a parking space double park.If there are allready cars double parked, go ahead and tripple park.
(7) If you see a taxi stay as far away as possible, they never know where they are going, and could turn either way without any signals.
(8)As for Potholes, we have some that can swollow up a F150 with no problem at all.
(9)Street signs, what are they.
Finnaly our roads used to be horse paths that were just paved over, and try to share a road with a subway car, and see who wins.
Crash
Keep up the good work
Love your post.
I have driven in Dallas, and while you have a lot of crazy drivers there, you guys don't come close to the idiots on the roads here in Boston.
We have to have the worst drivers in the country.
Some of our rules are.
(1) Yellow light - speed up to make it though the intersection before it turns red.
(2) Red Light - go even faster through the light.
(3) Green light - stop, and wait till it turns yellow to go.
(4) in rotaries - who ever has the most dents has the right of way.
(5)When it snows, drive faster than when it is clear, and only clear a one foot section of your windshield and drive real fast to let the wind clear off the car.
(6)If you can't find a parking space double park.If there are allready cars double parked, go ahead and tripple park.
(7) If you see a taxi stay as far away as possible, they never know where they are going, and could turn either way without any signals.
(8)As for Potholes, we have some that can swollow up a F150 with no problem at all.
(9)Street signs, what are they.
Finnaly our roads used to be horse paths that were just paved over, and try to share a road with a subway car, and see who wins.
Crash
Keep up the good work
Senior Member
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,188
Likes: 3
From: Kansas side of the greater KC area
I think thats the rules of driving in any big city in this country but I think the worst drivers are here in north west Tennessee as they have no idea what the peddle on the right is for as most of them around here drive no faster than 30 and take all year to get going from a red light me I like to drive WOT all the time as its the only way to drive.
Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 46
Likes: 0
From: Chapel Hill, NC
Crash1:
Beautiful post. Just moved out of Dallas to North Carolina and reading your post makes me miss it (just a little). Anyways your rules all held up to be true and knowing this has led me to the following life philsophy:
"Life's short....drive a TALL truck!"
------------------
2000 F-150 XLT
4.6 Triton V8,3:55,AT,2WD
SuperCab, SB, StyleSide
Gold + Wedgewood Blue w/ tan interior, Captains chairs,
Mods:Kenwood 40x4 CD player/changer, True Dual exhaust w/ 18" glasspacks
w/ chrome tips out the back, bug/rock shield, K&N air filter,tinted windows
265/75/16 BF Goodrich All-Terrain TA's
Chrome Westin nerf bars.
Soon: Spray-in bedliner, maybe 3" spindle liftn eventually.
[This message has been edited by 19-SeventyFord (edited 12-24-2000).]
Beautiful post. Just moved out of Dallas to North Carolina and reading your post makes me miss it (just a little). Anyways your rules all held up to be true and knowing this has led me to the following life philsophy:
"Life's short....drive a TALL truck!"
------------------
2000 F-150 XLT
4.6 Triton V8,3:55,AT,2WD
SuperCab, SB, StyleSide
Gold + Wedgewood Blue w/ tan interior, Captains chairs,
Mods:Kenwood 40x4 CD player/changer, True Dual exhaust w/ 18" glasspacks
w/ chrome tips out the back, bug/rock shield, K&N air filter,tinted windows
265/75/16 BF Goodrich All-Terrain TA's
Chrome Westin nerf bars.
Soon: Spray-in bedliner, maybe 3" spindle liftn eventually.
[This message has been edited by 19-SeventyFord (edited 12-24-2000).]
