Okay so I'm new to this whole temper tantrum thing and am looking for advice. My first son has never thrown one and I never did as a kid. Well my baby is almost 15 months old and throws them all the time, FOR ME! Daycare says he's the sweetest baby and he is great for Grandma and Auntie whenever they watch him. This seems to be something he does just for me. He hits me, he grabs my hair and pulls as hard as he can, he bites and screams and kicks and nothing seems to provoke this behavior either. For instance, last Friday I picked him up from daycare and as soon as he saw me he reached his hands out for me and started crying. I picked him up and gave him a kiss and he screamed and hit me and kicked me like he wanted down, so I set him down. Then he screamed even louder and grabbed my legs and scratched me to pick him back up so I picked him up. Then he hit me and kicked me like he wanted down..... I immediately left daycare and this tantrum continued all the way home. I gave him milk when we got home thinking he was thirsty and he threw the cup at me. I gave him some crackers thinking he might be hungry and he chucked those at me. I sat down on the ground with him to be at his level and was calmly asking him what's wrong and trying to hug him. He was screaming and crying and slapping and scratching me. It was like he was possessed. I finally just put him in his highchair and went about my nightly business and let him scream it out. It took an hour for him to calm down and once he did he was a giggle monster like nothing ever happened.

WTF? I've never seen this sort of thing before and have no idea what's going on and how to deal with it. I've been very thankful that I've been able to keep my patience with him through these.

Any advice????

 

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emo.../tantrums.html

 

The article says not to but, when my girls thought that hitting, pinching, biting, scratching, kicking or throwing things was the answer, a quick firm swat on the butt corrected their thinking and it never happened again. They so rarely got spankings that the shock of it actually happening, even though it didn't hurt, kept them from doing it again.

 

My twins started to throw them as they got older, but not really at that age. Nor did they act like towards my wife or I. Every once in a while they would head but or scratch us if they got upset, but NEVER on a normal basis. We would just do exactly what you did. Put them down, and let them deal with it on their own. We wanted to to learn how to start doing things for themselves, and to learn that we werent going to tolerate that behavior. Its good your able to keep your cool. Once they see you break down, they got you!!! Good luck...

 

Kids these days get away with it so easily... If they start it up, spank'em.. that's the only way they learn at that age... but don't do it to be abusive either... just one to two good swats on butt should correct it. Mainly as they don't understand english... heck it's how you treat most under-developed living things if they are being bad... it's just a form of communication.

 

My son (18 months at the time) went through that spell...he would get mad and try to headbutt the floor while crying. My wife would always step in and stop him.

He pulled that crap with me...right before he went to headbutt he looked at me.

"Well go ahead tough guy"

WHAM <insert crying here>

I picked him up and sat down with him. Rubbed his head and told him I loved him. It took one or two more times but that stopped quick.



As for your situation, I don't know that any one solution will work. Trial and error. I know of someone who's son would just snap and become a terror. Same behavior you describe. As he got older it got worse. She tried everything from time outs, to spanking, to counseling. Nothing worked. Turned out he had some chemical imbalance brought on by a lack of certain types of food & nutrients. It took a while to figure it out but now she keeps him on a diet that her and the doctor figured out and the child is like an angel. Very strange.


Final Solution: TRIAL AND ERROR, oh and Tylenol.

 

Dane has done that too. I just look at him with a "WTF?" look and he's crying and I'm like "Hey dumba$$ what did you expect? You just slammed your face on the hardwood floor!" but I pick him up and hug him and kiss him and he's fine. Weirdos!

Apparently from what I've been told, hubby was the same way as a kid but he was like that to everyone, not just one person.

I just don't want to be one of those tree-hugger types that want to be their kids best friend instead of a parent and let them "express" themselves. It's probably frustration because he can't communicate yet but who knows. It could be a chemical imbalance too. Ugh..... kids. Like I've heard a thousand times, if I'd had this one first, I would only have one child.

 

My kids were the same way, the older one grew out of it he 4 now. My 2 year old still has them. Ignore it if you can, your first instinct is to comfert them. Good luck.

 

Same here. I bit my little sister (so I'm told), mom bit me and apparently I had the same reaction as you. Never bit my sister again. Luckily my girls are less stubborn than I was. One swat was all it took.

 

I am having some trouble with Brooklyn too. She doesn't do it to me. I guess I have a nice, deep, loud, firm voice, and when I say, "NO" in that voice, she knows I mean business.

As for my wife....that's not the case.

She (Brook) will throw herself on the floor and cry, well, it's almost a scream, and kick and act a fool. Unlike Dane, she hasn't hit or bit yet, but I fear that is coming soon.

 

Maybe we should put Brookie and Danerz in a pen and let them gnaw on each other.

 

Most (I say most because with kids, nothing is normal across the board) temper tantrums are just a bid for attention. If you ignore them completely they will eventually go away on their own. My sister used to throw a tantrum, she'd lay on the floor in front of my mom, kicking and screaming, mom would step over her and walk on. My sister would then quit throwing her tantrum long enough to get up, run around in front of my mom and lay down on the floor before she would start up again!

I'm not saying this will work for Dane. Who really knows. I'd try the ignore it trick first. When he starts in with a tantrum, put him in his room and walk away. Let him scream it out until he's exhausted himself. He'll soon realize that all the screaming isn't getting him anywhere and eventually stop. Hopefully.

Take heed of Vader's post about the chemical imbalance. With all the processed foods available these days, there are many things missing or added to the average diet that can cause all sorts of imbalances in the body. He could be receiving too much of something or not enough of something else. You might want to consult a doctor if it keeps up much longer.

 

I agree 100%!

RC it happens because you let it happen.

The first time just kicking, I am visioning a squiming/kicking to get down , not trying to kick you.
Then when he scratched me to pick him up, I would swat his hand to let him know that we don't do that, then pick him up.
Then the last time, I would swat his rear and he would not get down until he behaved.

It woulnd't have if you would have corrected the issue before you got in the truck.

Ok so he now gets rewarded for a tantrum???????

Further reward for more bad behavior?

No he's not possessed, he found a way to get mommies attention, exactly what he wants, plus gets rewarded for it.

Hell I'll even throw a tantrum if it works that easy!

 

Yep -- my little guy tries all sorts of mularkey with the wife that he would never dream of pulling with me.

I really do think men have an advantage in this area -- deeper voice, more dominating presence, etc. All I have to do is look at my little boy and he knows the jig is up, while with my wife he just gives her a ****y little smirk and continues on. Ticks the he11 of of the wife......

 

Thanks for the link Goatman. That has some pretty good information.