Guys, I just had to share this one. I literally just got off the phone, a user had called me and stated that she was trying to save a file to her thumb drive, and it wasn't showing up as an option to save to the drive in the "save as" dialogue.
All of her other drives were there, just not the thumb drive, which is usually drive "E".

I asked her to pull the thumb drive out, and re-insert it, see if it showed up after that....

She says "Pull it out? I haven't put it in yet".

Well DUH!!!!

 

ME: "Press and hold the power button until the PC clicks off, this will take about 5 seconds"
Stupid User: *less than a second later* Ok, it's off!
ME: I said the PC, not the monitor...
SU: It is off!
ME: Ok then, turn it back on to boot up...
SU: Its still on the same screen...
ME: NO %^*#@(@ SHEET! TURN OFF THE %*@#(@ PC LIKE I ASKED!
SU: Oh...

 

I always start those conversation out with...

"Not the screen, the box on your desk"

"Oh...ok...I thought you wanted me to turn off the computer"

"Nope just that box.... "

 

If I had a quarter for every time I went through this exact conversation, I
would be rich...

 

Well I feel better. I'm not as computer illiterate as I thought.

 

Yeah, these are Government workers. Dept. of Defense Gov't. workers.

Everytime I hear a conspiracy theorist yakin' about how 9/11 was a cleverly executed Gov't. master plan, I just laugh and laugh and laugh.

"As soon as I grasp the concept of thumb drives, I am going to mastermind the next 9/11"

 

I see no matter where you work, it's all the same. People here (users) refer to everything they need as "profile", like can you load a new profile for me on my computer? I ask, what do you mean? Did you have problems logging on this morning? They are like you know "my profile". I use it to send e-mail and stuff. Then I respond with ok, I'll have you a new "profile" loaded in about an hour.

Turns out most of the time they have just locked them self out.....which they always tell me, I didn't do it.

Another cool one is we (IT Shop) use various remote tools, like Timbuktu and Dame Ware. People are always paranoid and call off and on all day asking, are you watching me? I always tell them, I have a hundred other things to do than to worry about what you are doing on your computer, so no, I'm not watching you...